DH & Stag Do

[AnotherAnonAgain]

I’m going to start by saying I know IABU. Posted here more for traffic.

DH told me at the weekend that the stag do, the wedding he is best man at, will be abroad for 3 nights and 4 days. We have two children a two 1/2 year old and a 4 week old.

By the time the event arrives, toddler will be almost 3 and baby will be 6 months. We are a great team one of us will cook while the other play with the children and then we will do bedtime together.

I can’t be the first person in this situation I’ve read posts where people have DH in the army and I’m sure other mumsnetters DH have been away. Also there will be lots of single mums so I know I’m being silly getting all worked up about this. Can someone please calm my nerves and tell me how you juggled tea time and bedtime with two so young.

Of course he should go, it's a few days! He can help make sure she has food prepared etc but I don't think it's selfish of him to go at all.

You're being a bit pathetic. Just get on with it.

As I asked before unless you have statistics to back up what you are saying then yes, they are assumptions. Do you make the same assumptions about overseas hen dos?

And women have been brainwashed? Brainwashed to trust their partners and not be controlling ?

You will be fine OP, it's just 3 nights. Meal prep ahead of time so you have quick dinners and make some plans with friends or family so it's not just 3 long days on your own with the children. Bed and bathtime will be a bit more hectic then usual but it's perfectly manageable. Get yourself some treats for when the kids are in bed and enjoy having that time to yourself, bingewatch something and have a glass of wine!

I’m really sorry you have such shit male friends. I would seriously consider my friendships with people if they behaved like this.

You'll be fine OP. Tired but fine. I did 10 days with a 6 month old and 4.5 year old when DH went to SA to see his family. I managed to even drop him off and pick him up from the airport when he went as well (which I took as the massive achievement that is was!!)

Some things that helped me were:
DH batch cooking some meals before he left so I could just reheat.
We did all the shopping I would need for the time he was away before he went - I only had to pick up milk I think.
Not planning to much during the days in case night time sleep was bad. Accepting that I might not get to a baby class if things weren't going to plan
DH did all the cleaning and washing before he left so I didn't do much bar load and empty the dishwasher and essential washing.
Family visited the weekend he was away.

Its seems really daunting when you haven't done it yet but it will be fine. Being organised is the key.
Ignore what other posters are saying about stag dos (not my experience at all!!). You don't need that extra worry on top of everything else and enjoy some time with your children.

You have a very bad view of men. Not all men want to go shagging behind their wives backs. Some just like having fun with their pals.

I don't understand how you assume being cynical about and disliking the concept of stag dos taking place over days, or even weeks, in places where drink and sexual entertainment is cheap equates to not allowing my DH or DP out of my sight in case he cheats.

Of course men in relationships go out and enjoy hobbies and social occasions and quite rightly so.

But the whole concept of stag dos is about men behaving badly. OK if it's single guys. Fair enough. But when its married men, men in relationships, and importantly a man supposedly in a committed relationship with some one who he is about to exchange vows with, then its not ,imo, appropriate at all.

You just suck it up and prepare for it- with dh helping with the prep. Make sure house is tidied, food cooked just to be reheated, food shopping in, plan to see a friend, get out as much as you can to tire the kids out.

Exactly.

also, you have the greatest Mumsnet username ever.

Blimey how you can say that with all the current revelations in the Epstein files is amazing!
Actually I don't have a bad view of men. I have a bad view of SOME men. And those include the type of men who go off on these stag do benders.

Or, in the case of my husband and his friends, sitting in the pub watching/talking about/scrolling about/generally obsessing about football.

It’s an absolute snooze fest I don’t understand how they can talk about football for so many hours.

My friends don't include the type of men who think these type of stag dos are acceptable behaviour. That's the point: I wouldn't want to know them.
And I think men who are capable of going off on a four drinking bender leaving a young child and a 6 month old baby are pretty selfish and uninvested parents.

But you’re assuming that a man who’s going away for a few dates with his mates is going to misbehave. That’s sad.

Plenty of hen dos last a few days. Open your eyes

Selfish because he has decided to take 1 solo holiday. But maybe you are right. When the children find out they will never speak to him again 😂

There's this thing called trust in a relationship. It's great. You should try it sometime

Epstein is an extreme case and extremely rare. And absolutely nothing to do with whether a man might cheat on a stag do (which again is absolutely nothing to do with the OP)

Honestly, I wouldn’t want to be, or be married to the wet wipe that couldn’t cope for a few days or said no to their friends because they couldn’t be away from their family. Life goes on after kids, and it’s healthy too.

To be fair to the OP’s husband - she hasn’t said it’s a 4 day bender, she’s just said it’s a stag. Plenty now doing activities as well as the usual drinking - golf, sports events, few days by a pool as well as some nights out.

You'd seriously need substantial help to look after your own children? Are they severely disabled?

It’s really not that difficult to look after two small children for 4 days.

Dh looked after our 3 small children for 5 days when I went on my bachelorette and I did the same when he went on his stag. Both aboard.

all you have to do is plan it isn’t hard

I would ask him how would he feel if the roles were reversed. My dh did go on our bils stag do when DS was around 6 months but I had the support of family. It’s not wrong to want to go but it would be selfish to leave you struggling while he’s on a jolly.

You are aware that women have long weekend hen’s parties abroad. It’s common since the 2000’s.
Women get drunk and let their hair down, some even hire a male stripper to entertain them.

have to say if you cant parent your 2 children alone for a couple of days one wonders why you had more than one

(single parent to twins plus older sibling since twins were barely out of newborn stage here so yes I admit I do roll my eyes at these kinds of posts)

It’s a few days he’s hardly going off to war 🤦🏻‍♀️
dh went to vegas for five days when we had a toddler and baby and 3 older children. You just get on with it.

This thread is really showing the insecure women 😬