Husband told daughter to stop chewing so loudly in his ear

[Meg878o]

AIBU to be upset and angry about this comment my husband made to.our 11 year old daughter. We'd been out swimming, treated the kids to a pack of sweets each, in the car on the way home. Daughter and husband sat next to each other in the back and all of a sudden he says to her 'can you stop chewing so loudly in my ear' it clearly offended her. Thoughts please...

Chewing noises (and mouth noises in general) are awful. Granted, I'm autistic and debilitatingly sensitive to noise but I think most people have a limit on how long they can listen to someone going to town on a bag of sweets.

I remember settling in for a train journey from London back to Glasgow and the guy across the aisle made an unholy amount of noise eating a meal deal. I can only surmise that the crisps were made of MDF, then he tipped the crumbs into his mouth, then sucked every finger clean. I wanted to climb out of my skin 😭

Good grief.

Oh dear, another deluded mother whose child can do no wrong!! The child won't get very far if she can't grasp normal eating behaviour. The DH was correct to nip it in the bud, and 11 is far too young to be 'offended' about anything - she is a child.

Amazed you have started a thread about this especially an AIBU…

She's 11, she'll be offended by you looking at her soon
You and DD sound like a pair of drama queens. He asked her to stop chewing loudly (and it is irritating) unless he screamed and swore at her you're being ridiculous.
Is your DH not allowed to ask your (his?) children to stop doing things he finds annoying? Your DD is 11 she should know how to eat quietly.
If DH had said this my kids would have probably just gone okay or sorry and that would have been it. None of us would have even thought about it afterwards.

Who on earth is the 2% on this poll that thinks the Op isn’t being unreasonable?? I would love to know and why? Maybe the Op herself and her DD?

With information you are giving i think you are being unreasonable to be upset and angry about this.
Was your daughter chewing loudly in your husbands ear?
Did your husband shout when he asked your daughter to stop chewing in his ear?
Does your husband have misophonia?
I think you have an understanding of how we can have hurt feelings if we are we are asked doing something rude or thoughtless which isn't unreasonable but doesnt mean we shouldnt be asked.
Was it your husbands tone that made you upset ?
If he'd said please could you eat your sweet quietly DD? Would you have been upset/angry or was it that you felt your DD shouldn't be advised re impoliteness or annoying someone?

At least he didn't say go and eat your sweets somewhere else if you can't stop being a noisy fucker which was commonplace in my house when I was a kid! Also it was said with humour so .... 😂

They’re the 2% of parents that feel they can never call out their little lambs for being in any way rude, socially offensive or plain bad mannered. 😆

That sound is unbearable to some, me included, it makes my physically itch 😆 kids will chew loudly unless told not to, he didn't do anything wrong.

Not really. Some people have utterly irrational sense of proportion when it comes to eating noises. They don't hear the noises they make themselves but think they are owed silence, which is impossible to achieve. Mesophonia or not, I find the attitude insufferable

Your daughter needs to stop being so sensitive as its going to be a very hard life ahead if she's offended over her dad telling her not to do something thats irritating. If father cant tell his own child not to do something because the mother is upset and angry then there is something wrong with your relationship and co-parenting, are you always this controlling?

First thought - she needs to learn to close her mouth when eating.
Second - why does it appear to be an issue? Its a normal things to ask when someone is eating loudly.

So you think people shouldn’t be told to eat more quietly?
Is that what you mean?

My thoughts are: your DD needs to learn some manners and some resilience. By the age of 11 she really ought to have a lot more of both, unless she has special needs.

My other thought is by being upset and angry about this you’re not setting her a good example in managing emotions. Ridiculous over-reaction on your part.

I wish someone would have told DH this when he was a child, his whole family are lovely but their table manners are questionable. As long as he wasn't mean I don't see the issue, surely its his job to teach her manners?

YABU. I tell my Daughter to not chew loudly. I also have to tell my husband at times. It's no big deal in telling them. I just can't stand the noise.

Happens most days in my house. I simply cannot abide noisy eating!!
Everyone has survived to tell the tale thus far.
Maybe in years to come my kids will need some sort of therapy to overcome the pain?
Or not.

Honestly, yes. Because instances of people eating loudly are vanishingly rare.
And once it's said, the lecturer feels a sense of entitlement to police people's freedom around them and everyone has to treat on eggshells. It's really incredibly selfish because they ate making others feel guilty amd shame for something that is not real, but related to their perception.

Obviously if someone is deliberately loudly crunching crisps 2 mm away from someone's ear that is silly, but anything short of that shouldn't be raised imo.

I don’t think it is better she hears it at home. I think most posters are missing the point. Some kids, especially kids with low self-esteem, are very sensitive to personal criticisms especially from parents. If the dd is like this it would affect her far less if a random kid at school said it rather than her parent. Chewy sweets cause loud chewing sounds, it’s not that big a deal. The dad should have kept his mouth shut. Cue hilarious “so should she have” joke..

The world has gone mad.

I tell my children this if they're chewing loudly. No harm done

Jeez we were always yelling shit like this to our kids. They need a bit of barracking from parents from time to time when they’re being uncouth and within the context of a healthy loving family, that’s fine.

Are you the sort of precious gentle parent who thinks that saying ‘no’ to children is going to shatter them into a thousand piece? If so, they’re going to really struggle in the real world.

I can’t stand noisy chewing, there’s no need for it at all. Good for your husband.

Teaching manners is offensive now, @Iris2020? That mentality explains a lot about the manners of many children now.