Husband told daughter to stop chewing so loudly in his ear

[Meg878o]

AIBU to be upset and angry about this comment my husband made to.our 11 year old daughter. We'd been out swimming, treated the kids to a pack of sweets each, in the car on the way home. Daughter and husband sat next to each other in the back and all of a sudden he says to her 'can you stop chewing so loudly in my ear' it clearly offended her. Thoughts please...

Well, if the OP’s partner is the same as you, it’s even more important that his 11 year old daughter understands and is considerate. As I said before, she’s 11, not 3.

I don't expect people around me to behave differently because I'm noise sensitive, that's on me to behave differently and either wear earplugs or keep quiet.

So your daughter was happy after swimming and you, being mum, can feel, see her hurt, embarrassment, shame or whatever. Yes that's gonna hurt. And I bet he's completely oblivious. Parents get it wrong sometimes and it sucks.

Ah. Well I expect family members to be considerate to each other. I also expect not to be a let hear people eating-regardless of particular sensitivities.

She’s 11, ffs. Not 3!

Was she chewing loudly in his ear? If so then it's perfectly reasonable for him to tell her to stop. This is such an odd question to ask about on here especially with so few details about what happened and none of us were in the car with you to know if this was reasonable or not.

In light of the fact the OP hasn't returned to answer any of the many replies, I would doubt that his ear existed in the first place.😏

I also expect not to be a let hear people eating-regardless of particular sensitivities.

Nobody eats inaudibly. That's rather the point. To know who's being unreasonable we'd need to know if the child was being loud, or eating in a normal quiet way that you wouldn't have noticed but her dad did.

my husband chews so loudly and with his mouth open and I never challenged him on it but it is really horrible and off putting

This

Why don’t you challenge him on it?

I dont know why I never did before. I didnt challenge him on anything and had a totally inflated view of him as perfect. I ended up having a horrific breakdwon and our relationship has declined os badly its hanging by a thread and he wont do anything I ask now becsue of how bad thigns are between us. I must have been very mentally ill never to feel I could challenge anythign. He was no better than me and I was safe with him so I could have asked him to change numerous things that were adding significantly to my stress and continuing to the breakdown. I are what ive doen to myself - I lost everything.

I feel the same as your husband and have told my own children before to close their mouths while chrwing because the sound is unbearable to me

It's not on an 11 year old to protect someone with sensory gating issues from reasonable noises of eating.

Nobody eats silently it's not possible.

We are lacking the information here as to whether the father was justified in chastising the child or not.

If he had sensory gating issues he may just have given her a complex about eating noises that will last her for life.

If he doesn't and she was chomping open mouthed on a sweet, then he's just taught her some manners.

I would be very surprised, if he'd gone for eleven years not mentioning it, and if it were unknown to the OP, to learn that he had sensory gating issues. Are these likely to be sudden-onset?

In my own experience it gets a lot worse with age, but gradually. I think sitting in the back of the car with the child chewing sweets would have been more likely to be what was sudden in onset.

That would suggest that either his child ate noisily as a matter of habit and he simply hadn't had her doing it right next to his ear until now, or she generally didn't make a noise while eating.

I mean, something was clearly different or he'd have said something in the call-it-eight years before now when she has been eating independently in his vicinity.

Either way, I don't think asking someone not to eat loudly in your ear merits "offence" on the child's part and being "upset and angry" on the mother's; I think both are over-reacting dramatically. If it is as reported by the vanished OP, which I am not at all sure I believe.