Husband told daughter to stop chewing so loudly in his ear

[Meg878o]

AIBU to be upset and angry about this comment my husband made to.our 11 year old daughter. We'd been out swimming, treated the kids to a pack of sweets each, in the car on the way home. Daughter and husband sat next to each other in the back and all of a sudden he says to her 'can you stop chewing so loudly in my ear' it clearly offended her. Thoughts please...

This post is a wind up.

i don’t understand why this has upset or angered you. It’s irritating when people eat loudly and I wouldn’t want to hear the constant slopping and lip smacking in my ear either. Your daughter needs to learn some manners and chew quietly.

It could have been corrected with love.

I remind my THREE year old to eat nicely, mouth closed while chewing etc. She has lovely manners and only has to be reminded every so often. I don’t think it was wrong to correct her as eating loudly is bad manners and not pleasant for anyone.

If he said it in a shitty or agitated way he is being unreasonable and does need to get a grip but also Misophonia is horrible.

Sounds like it’s well overdue. She needs to learn to keep her mouth closed when eating.

Why can't this be done in a more considerate way? Obviously this was said in a disrespectful manner, I doubt the father would appreciate being spoken to like that.

I say this to my kids all the time, it's common courtesy and a good life lesson that chewing loudly right next to someone is not an appealing habit!!

This.

Why are you giving it headspace? Who cares if she’s offended? She needs to learn rude behaviour is offensive.

I can't believe how few people are on team DD here. Makes me sad

Anyone else reminded on this scene from Miss Congeniality'?

https://clip.cafe/miss-congeniality-2000/what-the-question/

It would be more helpful to her if she had been corrected in a more loving way - this then teaches her valuable diplomacy skills!!

This.
With bells on.

Sounds like a perfectly reasonable thing to do if someone is chewing loudly. If DD was offended that’s called life DH was offended by the sound she was making & asked for her to eat quietly

Should it not be a parent who teaches good manners?

If your DH hadn’t raised, someone else would at some point, and you and your daughter might like that less.

Be glad it was her dad who told her that chewing noises in someone's ear are almost always very annoying and that it would have been a lot more upsetting had it been communicated by another child her age imitating her noise so she could understand what she was inflicting on those around her.

My husband chews loudly with his mouth open and sounds like a pig. I have been aware of it since we were dating and I made a conscious decision to accept it as everything else was great and I am sure I have my quirks too.

However I sure wish his parents had brought him up to eat with better manners in company!

I know you don't want your daughter's feelings to be hurt but it will be worse if she ends up being made fun of by her peers or rejected when she is older because of it.

My daughter went through early puberty and had smelly armpits which I kept having to tell her to wash and apply antiperspirant.

I hated making her feel bad but I would rather it come from me with kindness than kids noticing and making cruel comments at school.

Fair enough. Gobbly slurpy chomping noises in my ear make me feel murderous. He has my sympathy!

I actually see corrections like this as being on team DD from the off. Nobody wants to see or hear what is in an eleven year olds mouth, so it’s much better to hear it from her parents than kids at school.

I was curious, to the people that are ‘team DD’ do you not correct your children’s manners? It’s something I have worked really hard on with my LO because I want those good habits to be stuck with her for life. I just have to point at my lips and DC (not yet 4) knows her table manners have slipped and she shows me her eating nicely, obviously there’s no need to be harsh about it.

I think the Dad may have corrected it in a harsh way and that is why she was hurt. There's no reason she should have felt hurt over the issue itself. I absolutely believe she should have been corrected and at home, with love, is exactly where that needs to happen. When phrased the way her Dad did it, she will have felt disrespected and will have heard "you disgust me". Which isn't actually that useful and damages their bond. It was tinged with hostility. It didnt need to be, it could be said with humour, "it sounds like there is a little horse in here! You can definitely eat a bit quieter". Or with a story. This also models the sort of respect we should show other people, there are definitely people we wouldn't speak to in that way, a FIL doing the same perhaps. It teaches them both diplomacy and manners. And doesn't harm their relationship. If my partner spoke to our kids like that I would be disappointed as I know they're a more skilled parent than that. Expressing personal irritation just teaches her that her dad doesn't like it and didn't like her very much.

Are you ok....

Depends whether she was chewing loudly in his ear really. If she was, then don't, it's horrible.
It also depends on how he said it, if he was angry then yea it's out of order and he should have just asked nicely.

I get this, but she is 11, I imagine she's been told 1000 times already

Obviously he is right. And as her parents it is yours and your husbands job to advise her not to do it so that she doesn't do it around others. It is incredibly rude.

I completely understand your perspective now, thanks for replying.

I do think that at eleven she is past the age of making a joke or story out of it, as realistically she should be doing it naturally by that point. I do agree with doing it in a manner that doesn’t make her feel shamed but I think a simple correction, without anger, would’ve been more appropriate for her age.

I am a ways off having an eleven year old but I have taught plenty of them and you can tell who has and hasn’t been raised with good manners. I wouldn’t want to be at this stage still reminding DC very basic things like eating with her mouth closed.

If there are PP’s coming to comment, as above, DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME.

OP isn’t interested, why should you be!

(I really have started to check if OP’s have returned, before commenting. MN is being sold, traffic needs to be up to increase the value - therefore loads if AI written, controversial posts where the OP does not return - an absolute waste of time for us as contributors.)