Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not sharing my gluten free cake?

330 replies

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 12:16

Okay, so I know I’m not - being coeliac sucks at the best of times, and especially where cake is involved. But I’m a bit “wtf” over it.

My children had a “surprise” birthday party for me with PIL, SIL and BIL and their children, and my best friend and her two children. I don’t celebrate my birthday but they wanted to do it, and It was very sweet of them.

Dh bought birthday cakes - a gluten free one for me and two larger, generic supermarket cakes for everyone else. I mean they look pretty much the same, the GF one just has a bit more buttercream and sprinkles on - aside from the gf one being smaller, twice the bloody price and not as nice tasting.

Cake time and dh starts cutting up the “normal cakes” for all the guests and handing it out. SIL asks if she can have some of the other cake, dh says, no, that’s the GF one, I’m just about to put it away for (me) to have later. He then puts it away in a cupboard (it had already been put back in the box for cross contamination purposes). My children wanted to put my candles on the GF for me to blow out, that’s the only reason it was out.

They all have some cake - I don’t yet, cake crumbs and 9 children eating biscuits and pizza, it’s a cross contamination nightmare until we’ve cleaned it all up.

We are all in the other part of the house having fun. SIL brings more cake out of the kitchen for her 4 children (see where this is going), it was the gf cake, big chunks of it. She said her children said it looked nicer and she wanted some. only they don’t like it. Of course they don’t, who would, given the choice. I don’t say anything though, just clear it aside.

She had also plonked it on the the same cutting board the non gluten free cake was on and used the same knife, so the bit she said she’d “saved” for me isn’t safe to eat anyway.

We don’t live on Albert square, so no drama ensued. But BIL (dh brother) took her into the kitchen and she came out in a complete huff, sitting on her own and dramatically sniffing and dabbing at her eyes. MIL asked her if she was okay, she wouldn’t speak. I said, “hey, are you okay?” (I had no idea BIL had said anythings about cake at this point), and she just stared daggers at me and walked off.

BIL took me aside and apologised to me and said he’d asked her what possessed her, she’d said the children thought it looked nicer than they caked they were offered. I tell him it’s really not a big deal, it’s only cake, please don’t worry about it and just enjoy the party.

Everyone left, all happy, apart from SIL who walked past me like I was invisible (remember, haven’t said a thing to her about it, and remember, I don’t fucking care, I’m not 5!)

Dh said he would pop out to Tesco to get another cake, I say don’t worry, I’ll have some another day, it’s not a big deal. A couple of hours later, BIL turns up with a new cake, apologises again, I say thank you, I appreciate it, but you really didn’t have to do that. All sorted, right?

Nope. SIL has told PIL and her family that she was made to feel very unwelcome in my home and that she won’t be seeing us again and nor will the children. That’s all she said to PIL, who of course asked me what had happened, I told them and they were like, “you should have bloody pulled her up on it yourself at the time!” MIL said she has told SIL she’s being ridiculous and said to me that it will all blow over soon. Which I am sure it will do.

Now, for background, SIL has often rolled her eyes or made comments when we have family events as I bring my own food, or prefer to eat later. I don’t expect anyone to cater for me, or to have to think about cross contamination, and no one else minds at all, they never have done. Me having a different cake, which she thought looked nicer as it had more butter cream on (to hide the shit, dry cake), was probably her tipping point.

Poor BIL now caught in the middle of this absolute non issue that I couldn’t have given a monkeys about anyway!

Like I said, there was no drama. I didn’t say a thing, it was her own husband who noticed, pulled her up on it, and apologised to me. I honestly would have just left it. It’s just a cake and I’m not 5.

I’m just going to wait for it all to blow over, but it’s bloody annoying, right?

OP posts:
Talkingfrog · 08/02/2026 18:44

Mitzyme · 08/02/2026 12:26

M&S have just brought out a GF Colin the Caterpillar cake. It’s delicious but pricey.

It is the same size and price as normal Colin. 🐛

pinkyredrose · 08/02/2026 18:56

milliewillie · 08/02/2026 14:15

Similar happened to me with my vegan cake. Except they stole it and they loved it!
none left for me ☹️

Omg I'd be doing time if that happened to me!

deeahgwitch · 08/02/2026 18:57

onetrickrockingpony · 08/02/2026 12:26

I’m sorry you didn’t get to eat your cake, OP.

It’s truly really nice to read a MN post where the in laws are so thoughtful, kind and supportive. We don’t get to hear stories about the good sort much.

Your SIL can get in the bin with the ruined cake though.

Absolutely 💯

SnugTealLion · 08/02/2026 18:58

To echo the sentiments here, your SIL sounds thick as yesterday's porridge.

deeahgwitch · 08/02/2026 18:59

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 08/02/2026 18:19

The thing I can't get over is the theft. I would no more walk uninvited into someone's kitchen and go through their cupboards, then steal something I found, than I would walk from here to John O'Groats in midwinter.

This too 😮😮😮

Trivium4all · 08/02/2026 18:59

HelenaWaiting · 08/02/2026 16:27

Even baking a spectacular GF cake yourself is prohibitively expensive. The ingredients needed to disguise the absence of gluten cost the earth. The more spectacular it is, the more it costs. I know you meant it kindly but for many of us, the most viable solution is to give up cake altogether.

Can you define "costs the earth"? The recipe I linked above, for example, contains normal cake things (other than perhaps the maple syrup, which can be replaced with normal sugar); the "flour substitute" is the walnuts, and the quantity required for the cake costs about £3 at Tesco. Granted, that's more expensive than wheat flour, but I wouldn't put that in "costs the earth" category yet, for a one-off treat. Certainly if you buy all the ingredients new, just to make the cake, it'll be more expensive than the £12 gluten-free Tesco cake I just looked at, but if you have most of them as kitchen staples anyway, then the added costs (basically the eggs and the walnuts) are far lower than the finished cake. So the first cake will be expensive. The second, third, not so much.

Missingducks · 08/02/2026 19:03

What a drama llama she sounds!

BTW - next time ask if your candles can be on the supermarket cake. You don't want spittle and candle wax on your GF cake ....

AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 08/02/2026 19:08

SIL is a fucking twat - also GF cake is proper shit (DH is coeliac!) so why she would actively want to eat it as a muggle I don’t know! What a knob. BIL sounds lovely and she is mental. Just ignore! I’d have been far more upset than you but I do love cake - so you deserve a medal OP! Xx

AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 08/02/2026 19:09

Trivium4all · 08/02/2026 18:59

Can you define "costs the earth"? The recipe I linked above, for example, contains normal cake things (other than perhaps the maple syrup, which can be replaced with normal sugar); the "flour substitute" is the walnuts, and the quantity required for the cake costs about £3 at Tesco. Granted, that's more expensive than wheat flour, but I wouldn't put that in "costs the earth" category yet, for a one-off treat. Certainly if you buy all the ingredients new, just to make the cake, it'll be more expensive than the £12 gluten-free Tesco cake I just looked at, but if you have most of them as kitchen staples anyway, then the added costs (basically the eggs and the walnuts) are far lower than the finished cake. So the first cake will be expensive. The second, third, not so much.

Tell me you don’t run a GF household, without telling me 🙄

Pikachu150 · 08/02/2026 19:09

AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 08/02/2026 19:08

SIL is a fucking twat - also GF cake is proper shit (DH is coeliac!) so why she would actively want to eat it as a muggle I don’t know! What a knob. BIL sounds lovely and she is mental. Just ignore! I’d have been far more upset than you but I do love cake - so you deserve a medal OP! Xx

Obviously it depends on the cake, but I think a lot of it is very nice.

AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 08/02/2026 19:14

Pikachu150 · 08/02/2026 19:09

Obviously it depends on the cake, but I think a lot of it is very nice.

I only bake GF cakes at home, which is lovely if I do say so myself, but the supermarket variety is often dry and sugary.

AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 08/02/2026 19:15

Faced with two supermarket cakes - one GF and one not, only a person genuinely needing to eat GF would choose the GF one surely!

Womaninhouse17 · 08/02/2026 19:15

Your SIL sounds like an ignorant and selfish person. You (and your BIL) have been reasonable and kind.

DedododoDedadada · 08/02/2026 19:15

Sounds like what you really need is a decent gluten free cake.

ChiliFiend · 08/02/2026 19:16

I am way older than 5 and I would have absolutely lost my shit over this.

Talkingfrog · 08/02/2026 19:17

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 12:42

Yes. She’s often made comments over the years about my “diet”. I have told her it’s not a diet, I have an autoimmune disease.

I don’t make an issue of it at all. I happily take my own food.

It makes it more difficult as I was only diagnosed 6 years ago, at the age of 40. I didn’t have any symptoms before they suddenly onset out of the blue. I honestly thought I was dying just after I had my last baby - turned out after a lot of tests for horrendous things, that I am coeliac, which while it’s not ideal, was a hell of a lot better than the alternatives!

So I have had some issues with people saying I was fine before, why have I suddenly changed what I eat, how could I suddenly be coeliac over night? It’s like they don’t belive me that it’s for a medical reason, and that just being awkward.

Edited

She obviously doesn't understand that you don't have to be born with an auto immune disease - it can develop.
I was diagnosed with underactive thyroid in my mid 30s.
I was diagnosed as celiac last year. Received the letter the day before my 52nd birthday. Didn't have horrendous symptoms as you did, but was picked up as part of tests to determine why I was having the symptomsI did get.
Didn't realise how bloated I was, until a little while after I stopped eating gluten.
Fortunately for me family haven't questioned things. The only questions thwy have are whether I can eat something or not, and if not, what I can have instead.

ApplesAreAmazing · 08/02/2026 19:20

Does she understand that you are full on allergic to normal flour and anything with gluten in? And you're not just a bit fussy as gluten makes me gassy. I think you need to point out that it's equivalent to a peanut allergy and tell her the consequences if you had a crumb of normal cake. Oh and the price of a small loaf of gluten free bread. I'm so sorry your birthday was spoilt, people can be terribly ignorant and selfish.

Talkingfrog · 08/02/2026 19:21

TheSpottedZebra · 08/02/2026 12:48

I understand her point. You were getting all the attention, and it's just not fair.
What else was she to do?

Listen to what she was told.
Not be so rude as to go in the food cupboard in someone else's house, and get out something they had put away.
Not encourage her children to be entitled, and want whatever someone else's has.

OP should have been getting the attention - it was her birthday.

Willowywisp · 08/02/2026 19:23

The difference in maturity between you and your SIL is staggering. She sounds like an absolute nightmare. Maybe no bad thing if she's decided she won't come back to your house. What a total arsehole. Who the fuck does that. You handled it incredibly well btw. And your BIL sounds like a really decent guy.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/02/2026 19:24

@Talkingfrog, @TheSpottedZebra was being sarcastic/tongue in cheek - definitely not serious!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 08/02/2026 19:25

Nigella’s clementine cake is gluten free, absolutely delicious, and very easy to make.

Noshowlomo · 08/02/2026 19:30

What a cow bag. We all know the type

TheDivergentEnigma · 08/02/2026 19:30

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 12:21

Yea he’s dh older brother. He’s lovely. He really shouldn’t have worried about it as much as he did.

Why? She took the p*ss and needed to be told.

There's a reason why people keep taking the pss, that's because people are too 'nice', say it's ok whilst quietly seething, and then wonder why they keep taking the p*ss.

The only way to stop a p*ss taker is to pull them up on it.

Edited just to add that cake may be just cake, but you give her an inch by not saying anything, next she may well try and take a mile.

pinkyredrose · 08/02/2026 19:31

HazelMember · 08/02/2026 17:49

Yes the SIL was bang out of order. Is it necessary to call her a cunt?

Yes it is.

pinkyredrose · 08/02/2026 19:31

HazelMember · 08/02/2026 17:50

Is it necessary to call her a bitch?

Again, yes it is.