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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not sharing my gluten free cake?

330 replies

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 12:16

Okay, so I know I’m not - being coeliac sucks at the best of times, and especially where cake is involved. But I’m a bit “wtf” over it.

My children had a “surprise” birthday party for me with PIL, SIL and BIL and their children, and my best friend and her two children. I don’t celebrate my birthday but they wanted to do it, and It was very sweet of them.

Dh bought birthday cakes - a gluten free one for me and two larger, generic supermarket cakes for everyone else. I mean they look pretty much the same, the GF one just has a bit more buttercream and sprinkles on - aside from the gf one being smaller, twice the bloody price and not as nice tasting.

Cake time and dh starts cutting up the “normal cakes” for all the guests and handing it out. SIL asks if she can have some of the other cake, dh says, no, that’s the GF one, I’m just about to put it away for (me) to have later. He then puts it away in a cupboard (it had already been put back in the box for cross contamination purposes). My children wanted to put my candles on the GF for me to blow out, that’s the only reason it was out.

They all have some cake - I don’t yet, cake crumbs and 9 children eating biscuits and pizza, it’s a cross contamination nightmare until we’ve cleaned it all up.

We are all in the other part of the house having fun. SIL brings more cake out of the kitchen for her 4 children (see where this is going), it was the gf cake, big chunks of it. She said her children said it looked nicer and she wanted some. only they don’t like it. Of course they don’t, who would, given the choice. I don’t say anything though, just clear it aside.

She had also plonked it on the the same cutting board the non gluten free cake was on and used the same knife, so the bit she said she’d “saved” for me isn’t safe to eat anyway.

We don’t live on Albert square, so no drama ensued. But BIL (dh brother) took her into the kitchen and she came out in a complete huff, sitting on her own and dramatically sniffing and dabbing at her eyes. MIL asked her if she was okay, she wouldn’t speak. I said, “hey, are you okay?” (I had no idea BIL had said anythings about cake at this point), and she just stared daggers at me and walked off.

BIL took me aside and apologised to me and said he’d asked her what possessed her, she’d said the children thought it looked nicer than they caked they were offered. I tell him it’s really not a big deal, it’s only cake, please don’t worry about it and just enjoy the party.

Everyone left, all happy, apart from SIL who walked past me like I was invisible (remember, haven’t said a thing to her about it, and remember, I don’t fucking care, I’m not 5!)

Dh said he would pop out to Tesco to get another cake, I say don’t worry, I’ll have some another day, it’s not a big deal. A couple of hours later, BIL turns up with a new cake, apologises again, I say thank you, I appreciate it, but you really didn’t have to do that. All sorted, right?

Nope. SIL has told PIL and her family that she was made to feel very unwelcome in my home and that she won’t be seeing us again and nor will the children. That’s all she said to PIL, who of course asked me what had happened, I told them and they were like, “you should have bloody pulled her up on it yourself at the time!” MIL said she has told SIL she’s being ridiculous and said to me that it will all blow over soon. Which I am sure it will do.

Now, for background, SIL has often rolled her eyes or made comments when we have family events as I bring my own food, or prefer to eat later. I don’t expect anyone to cater for me, or to have to think about cross contamination, and no one else minds at all, they never have done. Me having a different cake, which she thought looked nicer as it had more butter cream on (to hide the shit, dry cake), was probably her tipping point.

Poor BIL now caught in the middle of this absolute non issue that I couldn’t have given a monkeys about anyway!

Like I said, there was no drama. I didn’t say a thing, it was her own husband who noticed, pulled her up on it, and apologised to me. I honestly would have just left it. It’s just a cake and I’m not 5.

I’m just going to wait for it all to blow over, but it’s bloody annoying, right?

OP posts:
Namingbaba · 08/02/2026 19:33

You’ve been more than reasonable. I really hate when people direct their anger at you when you did nothing wrong. You’re handling this better than I would.

HangingOver · 08/02/2026 19:36

I bet the stupid cowpat would have taken a few bites and declared it disgusting too.

Not remotely comparable as veganism is a lifestyle choice but at my old work on pizza day there were always masses of normal pizza, meat and veg, and one small vegan one for me and the only other vegan in the building. But quite often the others would take a slice out of novelty and then leave it uneaten. I'm like dude its NOT AS NICE why are you taking my pizza you weirdo.

Dogbreath2 · 08/02/2026 19:40

She sounds like an idiot. My son and DH are GF and I would be fuming if someone ate their special stuff. I’d happily make you a cake if you were near me.

zephyr148 · 08/02/2026 19:40

Remember, haven’t said a thing to her about it, and remember, I don’t fucking care, I’m not 5!

Seems you do care to post here, at least a little.

Supporting2026 · 08/02/2026 19:40

Your SIL is weird - but your BIL, FIL and MIL sound lovely so well done! I am sooooo excited about the gluten free Colin the Caterpillar - wanted one when i was a kid and never had it for my birthday and then later found out I was caeliac.

MyDeftDuck · 08/02/2026 19:42

Let her sulk in her ignorance! Stupid woman should learn to say no to her children and take the time to explain why some people have different dietary requirements to others.
FWIW OP, I think you handled it beautifully with grace and tolerance……I’d have totally lost my mind if someone touched my food.
Happy birthday 💐

NoYourNameChanged · 08/02/2026 19:44

You sound lovely, and exceedingly tolerant of bullshit. Your BIL sounds like an actual sweetheart. Your PIL sound like pretty good eggs too.
All round I’d say you’re doing rather well for an AIBU post. Normally everyone involved is a fuckwit. In your case, just SIL is a fuckwit 😂 hopefully she keeps to her word and stays away but it would be a shame (would it?) not to see the nieces and or nephews. It’ll blow over I expect.

FruAashild · 08/02/2026 19:47

You and your DH's family all sound lovely and your SIL is batshit.

My uncle, and his grandchild have Coeliac's disease. When we have parties we always do everything gluten free because it means nobody has to think about cross contamination. We are a very foody family though and cook it all ourselves and go for the 'naturally gluten free' foods.

My favourite gluten free cakes are the following:
Tarta de Santiago (made with ground almonds and orange, you can do a lemon version as well or my MIL liked to do half and half)
Torta Caprese / Reine de Saba (the Italian / French versions of a chocolate and almond cake)
Chocolate, hazelnut and pear cake
I also do pavlova a lot because everyone loves it and nobody feels hard done to eating a naturally gluten free pavlova.

We had a caterer for our silver wedding anniversary and she also did naturally gluten free food for us, it was all delicious and the only people we told it was all gluten free were the coeliacs, nobody else needed to know and didn't notice. That wasn't cheap but it was delicious.

Flourless chocolate & pear cake

Flourless chocolate & pear cake

A light, but luscious cake made with hazelnuts - serve a slice for dessert with a dollop of crème fraîche

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/flourless-chocolate-pear-cake

ThisHazelPombear · 08/02/2026 19:59

I have a food allergy and I’ve had bitchy comments off other women too because I’m slim. I can’t eat the foods they do though & a lot of free from foods are awful so I don’t bother.

I’ve been given what I’m allergic to on purpose. Good job I’m not anaphylactic

ittakes2 · 08/02/2026 19:59

I can’t believe in this day and age of allergies some idiot would deliberately eat the birthday person’s cake! Unbelievable!
I am also a ceolic and I remember having a gluten free sandwich ordered and labelled for me at a work event … with a massive platter of sandwiches for the rest of people. And some idiot started munching on my sandwich and when I pointed out to him he was eating a gluten free sandwich he said he didn’t mind … and then tasted it and put it aside. It clearly never crossed his mind that now I could not eat anything while he moved to start on the normal sandwiches.

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 20:03

zephyr148 · 08/02/2026 19:40

Remember, haven’t said a thing to her about it, and remember, I don’t fucking care, I’m not 5!

Seems you do care to post here, at least a little.

I care due to the batshit phone call to the in-laws saying her and her children want no contact when we didn’t do anything!

My children love their cousins, we love the children too.

I am sure, as MIL said, it will all blow over. We haven’t and won’t add any fuel to it.

OP posts:
Talkingfrog · 08/02/2026 20:03

KnowledgeableAvocado · 08/02/2026 14:49

OP. Sponge.co.uk do lots of very decent gf cake if you ever fancy one. Bit dear but they deliver next day if you order early enough in the day! Sorry your SIL is awful. 6 years is enough time to get used to someone having coeliac disease.

I was also going to suggest sponge.co.uk

We were given the mini sponges for Christmas- some gluten free, some not.

I ordered a medium sized gluten free apple crumble cake for DH's birthday. ( I am celiac, but he has a gluten intolerance too). It easier lovely, and everyone enjoyed it. Wouldn't have known it was gluten free without being told.

They do vegan cakes too.

TheLemonOtter · 08/02/2026 20:03

I run a gf household and I don't find it extortionate- more expensive then non gf, obviously, but I use oats/ buckwheat/ almond flour, and don't get xanthum gum or anything else extra!

TheRuffleandthePearl · 08/02/2026 20:05

Mootzler · 08/02/2026 12:21

SIL is an idiot, and everyone else knows it, even her DH. She sounds like one of those people who don't believe in food allergies because she's a twat.

This sums it up. She’s a complete gonk. She wouldn’t be a loss in my book, let her fucking sulk.

rainbowsparkle28 · 08/02/2026 20:06

(Coeliac here so get it! 🫡) - YANBU. Not only did you make it abundantly clear it was off limits, but then to have the audacity (her, not you) to be in a huff with you about it. They had access to a “normal” cake, but were just being rude, selfish and entitled tbh. Let alone that the gf cake costs more, and you usually get less. I would have been pissed. Glad that BIL also had your back although not the point I know, but tried to make amends for his thoughtless partner.

NinaGeiger · 08/02/2026 20:07

Mitzyme · 08/02/2026 12:26

M&S have just brought out a GF Colin the Caterpillar cake. It’s delicious but pricey.

Asda used to have Frieda the Free From Caterpillar which was GF and delicious. Not sure if they still do - I hope so though

Bunny44 · 08/02/2026 20:08

@mypantsareonfire "SIL has often rolled her eyes or made comments when we have family events as I bring my own food, or prefer to eat later."

She clearly doesn't understand how severe a condition being coeliac is!! It sounds like she thinks you're being deliberately difficult and is completely ignorant. Can someone educate her?!

She sounds really selfish and entitled too - to help herself to your birthday cake is really shocking behaviour 😯.

Honeysucklelane · 08/02/2026 20:08

HangingOver · 08/02/2026 19:36

I bet the stupid cowpat would have taken a few bites and declared it disgusting too.

Not remotely comparable as veganism is a lifestyle choice but at my old work on pizza day there were always masses of normal pizza, meat and veg, and one small vegan one for me and the only other vegan in the building. But quite often the others would take a slice out of novelty and then leave it uneaten. I'm like dude its NOT AS NICE why are you taking my pizza you weirdo.

As a vegetarian it annoys me when there’s masses of meat options and non vegetarians keep tucking into the veggie option till there’s barely any left. Like tick veggie on the form if you want to trough through tons of veggie food at a buffet. 😂

Bunny44 · 08/02/2026 20:09

TheLemonOtter · 08/02/2026 20:03

I run a gf household and I don't find it extortionate- more expensive then non gf, obviously, but I use oats/ buckwheat/ almond flour, and don't get xanthum gum or anything else extra!

But her DH had bought her a GF cake and bought ones do tend to be more expensive. Not sure what point you're making really, it is besides the point really?

Blondeshavemorefun · 08/02/2026 20:15

Wow at 15s lost. Well done

Aphroditesangel · 08/02/2026 20:18

Who goes and helps themselves to food that’s been put away in someone else’s house. I think you have been very reasonable about it. I’d like to think I’d act as politely as you did but I’d be fuming.
Sounds like she has been looking for a fight for a while. Don’t back down and don’t try and please her. You are better off without her in your life.

Ilikesundays · 08/02/2026 20:22

Just a tip: Lola’s cupcakes make delicious gf cakes!

Trivium4all · 08/02/2026 20:23

AccidentalPrawnYouFool · 08/02/2026 19:09

Tell me you don’t run a GF household, without telling me 🙄

Is there a need to be so snarky? I was talking about my cousin's daughter, baking cakes for a special occasion, in her mum's very much gluten-free household (you don't seem to have read my first point, in which I explain that coeliac disease runs in that side of the family). The OP has repeatedly said that she doesn't tend to eat substitute-type of products, but makes an exception for cake on her birthday. I was challenging your assertion that such a cake, specifically (not the entire diet!), has to be "prohibitively expensive", by demonstrating that recipes exist that will yield a lovely cake for not much more than baking a flour-based cake, and definitely less than a shop-bought gluten-free cake of similar quality.

Expecteddeclathon · 08/02/2026 20:28

SIL is a dickhead

TheLemonOtter · 08/02/2026 20:43

Bunny44 · 08/02/2026 20:09

But her DH had bought her a GF cake and bought ones do tend to be more expensive. Not sure what point you're making really, it is besides the point really?

I was replying to the poster earlier who implied that baking gf at home was very expensive (tell me you don't run a gf household) - sorry, thought my reference made that clear but should have quoted.