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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For not sharing my gluten free cake?

330 replies

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 12:16

Okay, so I know I’m not - being coeliac sucks at the best of times, and especially where cake is involved. But I’m a bit “wtf” over it.

My children had a “surprise” birthday party for me with PIL, SIL and BIL and their children, and my best friend and her two children. I don’t celebrate my birthday but they wanted to do it, and It was very sweet of them.

Dh bought birthday cakes - a gluten free one for me and two larger, generic supermarket cakes for everyone else. I mean they look pretty much the same, the GF one just has a bit more buttercream and sprinkles on - aside from the gf one being smaller, twice the bloody price and not as nice tasting.

Cake time and dh starts cutting up the “normal cakes” for all the guests and handing it out. SIL asks if she can have some of the other cake, dh says, no, that’s the GF one, I’m just about to put it away for (me) to have later. He then puts it away in a cupboard (it had already been put back in the box for cross contamination purposes). My children wanted to put my candles on the GF for me to blow out, that’s the only reason it was out.

They all have some cake - I don’t yet, cake crumbs and 9 children eating biscuits and pizza, it’s a cross contamination nightmare until we’ve cleaned it all up.

We are all in the other part of the house having fun. SIL brings more cake out of the kitchen for her 4 children (see where this is going), it was the gf cake, big chunks of it. She said her children said it looked nicer and she wanted some. only they don’t like it. Of course they don’t, who would, given the choice. I don’t say anything though, just clear it aside.

She had also plonked it on the the same cutting board the non gluten free cake was on and used the same knife, so the bit she said she’d “saved” for me isn’t safe to eat anyway.

We don’t live on Albert square, so no drama ensued. But BIL (dh brother) took her into the kitchen and she came out in a complete huff, sitting on her own and dramatically sniffing and dabbing at her eyes. MIL asked her if she was okay, she wouldn’t speak. I said, “hey, are you okay?” (I had no idea BIL had said anythings about cake at this point), and she just stared daggers at me and walked off.

BIL took me aside and apologised to me and said he’d asked her what possessed her, she’d said the children thought it looked nicer than they caked they were offered. I tell him it’s really not a big deal, it’s only cake, please don’t worry about it and just enjoy the party.

Everyone left, all happy, apart from SIL who walked past me like I was invisible (remember, haven’t said a thing to her about it, and remember, I don’t fucking care, I’m not 5!)

Dh said he would pop out to Tesco to get another cake, I say don’t worry, I’ll have some another day, it’s not a big deal. A couple of hours later, BIL turns up with a new cake, apologises again, I say thank you, I appreciate it, but you really didn’t have to do that. All sorted, right?

Nope. SIL has told PIL and her family that she was made to feel very unwelcome in my home and that she won’t be seeing us again and nor will the children. That’s all she said to PIL, who of course asked me what had happened, I told them and they were like, “you should have bloody pulled her up on it yourself at the time!” MIL said she has told SIL she’s being ridiculous and said to me that it will all blow over soon. Which I am sure it will do.

Now, for background, SIL has often rolled her eyes or made comments when we have family events as I bring my own food, or prefer to eat later. I don’t expect anyone to cater for me, or to have to think about cross contamination, and no one else minds at all, they never have done. Me having a different cake, which she thought looked nicer as it had more butter cream on (to hide the shit, dry cake), was probably her tipping point.

Poor BIL now caught in the middle of this absolute non issue that I couldn’t have given a monkeys about anyway!

Like I said, there was no drama. I didn’t say a thing, it was her own husband who noticed, pulled her up on it, and apologised to me. I honestly would have just left it. It’s just a cake and I’m not 5.

I’m just going to wait for it all to blow over, but it’s bloody annoying, right?

OP posts:
ScarlettSarah · 08/02/2026 17:38

Of course she's unreasonable, she was super rude and sounds full of drama.

However I am not quite buying your 'I'm so chill, I just let it roll off me' vibe. If that was the case, I doubt you'd be posting here to let everyone start ranting about her!!

But you'd be right to be annoyed and upset.

diddl · 08/02/2026 17:41

I wonder what on earth she was trying to gain from it?

It seems that you have a much better relationship with the ILs so was she hoping that you would show yourself up somehow over cake?

That you'd eat some non GF as that was all there was & she could triumphantly shout "gotcha"?

Did she even eat any?

If she felt unwelcome surely that was caused by her own husband giving her a dressing down there & then!

Ponderingwindow · 08/02/2026 17:42

I have sat in silence and hunger so many times when the food I was meant to eat is contaminated by well meaning family. What your SIL did was not well meaning. It was not an accident or an oversight. She deserved a reprimand.

She owes you an apology. You don’t need to worry about her embarrassment. She messed up. She needs to own her mistake.

jamimmi · 08/02/2026 17:43

As thw mother of a coeliac you are being pefectly reasonable and behaving far better that I would if this happened to my daughter. SIL has.no.clue and needs to learn. I do wonder if shes in the coeliac is a fad not an illness group and bil is fed up with this. We can recomend the new gluten free colin btw. Daughter said its fab. Only 50 p more than the muggle one so a GF bargin 😂

dapsnotplimsolls · 08/02/2026 17:47

I bet she moans and kicks up a stink when she can't eat nuts on a nut-free flight due to someone's allergy.

Seaside3 · 08/02/2026 17:49

She's an idiot.
I can highly recommend Ginger Bakers for certified gf cake. You can freeze the cakes too, so order plenty and keep them in reserve.
Lots of none coeliacs like them too, so maybe a solution to cross contamination.

HazelMember · 08/02/2026 17:49

Brefugee · 08/02/2026 12:22

tbh? i am petty, vindictive and i anger easily.
She would have had that cake smushed in her face and told to leave.

You sound lovely, your BIL sounds lovely, your DH and kids sound lovely. Sil is, frankly, a bit of a cunt. Laugh at her. A lot.

Yes the SIL was bang out of order. Is it necessary to call her a cunt?

Coconutter24 · 08/02/2026 17:50

ShetlandishMum · 08/02/2026 12:49

Are you for real?

Sarcasm 🤦‍♀️

HazelMember · 08/02/2026 17:50

Bonkers1966 · 08/02/2026 12:46

Probably doesn't believe you are coeliac. Attention seeking bitch that she is.

Is it necessary to call her a bitch?

HazelMember · 08/02/2026 17:52

FeralWoman · 08/02/2026 13:38

YANBU. SIL was a malicious cow. I love that BIL took her aside and dealt with her, and that he brought you a replacement cake. Sounds like you have a great family of in laws!

I’m coeliac and was diagnosed at about 20. I didn’t have any symptoms until about 18. My mum became symptomatic at about 70, so late diagnosis/onset does happen. I think my parents weren’t convinced that I couldn’t tolerate gluten until I accidentally consumed some while they were staying with me. The smell coming from the toilet was awful. I could barely make it from the downstairs toilet near them to the upstairs toilet away from them. Never again have they doubted it.

Enjoy the peace and quiet of not having SIL visiting you.

Yes other women need to be called a cow when do they something out of order.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 08/02/2026 17:53

Needlenardlenoo · 08/02/2026 16:56

That's really nice @Natsku.

My school feeds us with cheap pizza, doughnuts, and biscuits e.g. at parents' evenings and INSET. Not once have they provided anything I can safely eat. Even when there was a "gluten free" curry option they included a naan bread!

Was it that bowl of greeny-greyness that stank the whole place out? If it was, that caterer is worse than that - the naan bread stacked on the bowls is at least obvious, the individual unlabelled cheesecake pots displayed in the tiny gluten free square foot (ie, the yoghurt and the pot of three browning pineapple chunks with what might have been a cube of apple) is a particular irritation. Along with the very thoughtful allergens sheet that says no, nothing for you here outside the special Thai Grey Curry we've already contaminated for you.

CaragianettE · 08/02/2026 17:57

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 17:38

I was vastly overweight for years. I’d already lost a few stone before my last pregnancy (and I am so sick in all my pregnancies, I lose weight, I don’t gain!), but when I was diagnosed with coeliac, I had to cut out all the junk. I used to fall face first into the greggs counter most days. I’m not joking with that - I used to eat an obscene amount of food.

When I was diagnosed with coeliac, I couldn’t eat anything I used to anymore. No more McDonalds. No more ordering a massive pizza most nights. I decided not to replace carbs with gluten free carbs.

I am actually 15 stone lighter than I was in 2018.

So yes, I have lost a significant amount of weight, especially since I was diagnosed.

SIL isn’t over weight at all. But I have lost friends with the weight loss. There are people who don’t like it when you are out of the pigeon hole they have put you in. I was the “fat funny one.” When I wasn’t fat, they didn’t know what to do with me. That and the ones who think I lying about doing it myself, and accuse me of having WLS and lying about it. That one stings!

I'm sorry about your friends. I'd be willing to bet feeling threatened by your weight loss is part of why SIL is being weird.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 08/02/2026 17:57

She should have went to the supermarket to buy a replacement immediately.

Pikachu150 · 08/02/2026 17:57

I don't think it’s bad that she asked to try it, and I probably would have given her a small slice to be honest. It's unbelievable that she contaminated the cake though. How stupid can you get?
One of my DCs has coeliac disease. If it's her birthday party everyone gets gluten free cake because I can't be bothered worrying about contamination. I don't think anyone's ever complained. I think gluten free cake is fine.

mypantsareonfire · 08/02/2026 17:58

ScarlettSarah · 08/02/2026 17:38

Of course she's unreasonable, she was super rude and sounds full of drama.

However I am not quite buying your 'I'm so chill, I just let it roll off me' vibe. If that was the case, I doubt you'd be posting here to let everyone start ranting about her!!

But you'd be right to be annoyed and upset.

I’ve honestly had a lot worse happen in my life than this.

10 years ago, it would have riled me. Now, not so much. I’ve been through too much trauma to get upset by cake. I’m posting just to have a little rant after speaking to PIL yesterday. I just think it’s crazy! And I didn’t do anything to escilate it!

OP posts:
Hisnamewasnibbles · 08/02/2026 18:01

OP your DC sound lovely for arranging your party.

I think SIL’s are the new MIL’s on mumsnet. Yours sounds like a real twat and was obviously annoyed when her DH pulled her up and is now turning it back on you.

I wonder if she doesn’t take your condition seriously as you hear so many people saying oh I can’t eat dairy, wheat bloats me, you see it on SM all the time, and I think those people do a disservice to people like you with a serious medical condition or those with food allergies.

I hope you enjoy your new cake and happy birthday.

400rider · 08/02/2026 18:04

Goodness, how thoughtless and ignorant.

We have a couple of GF friends. Having known how they have nearly died before diagnosis everyone is super cautious about their diet. No one would dare eat food prepared for them or even touch it!

One friend is quite endearing and on picnics brings his own but then produces a pack of GF biscuits offers them around. If anyone accepts one he then asks them if they really taste different to real biscuits. He so desperately wants to know he’s not missing out.

I have no answer for you, but hope someone keeps educating her on your behalf.

Imisscoffee2021 · 08/02/2026 18:09

The cake thing aside, she is weaponising her children by deciding they don't see you guys anymore and presumably their cousins, as revenge for her being called out by her own husband about her wrong behaviour. THAT is the most heinous thing about her behaviour, I absolutely loathe family members who do that for trivial reasons.

ScreamingInfidelities · 08/02/2026 18:15

I too have a mental SIL who makes shit up to be offended by. She has no friends left as they were “all jealous of her”. Have had nothing to do with her or my brother for a few years now. Protect your peace ❤️

Onthemaintrunkline · 08/02/2026 18:18

Your BIL sounds a real responsible thoughtful sweetie! What a cheek yr SIL had, helping herself to a cake that had been put away! She well deserved to have her nose nipped!
And then acting put out after her rude arrogant behaviour 😳, what a piece of work she sounds.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 08/02/2026 18:19

The thing I can't get over is the theft. I would no more walk uninvited into someone's kitchen and go through their cupboards, then steal something I found, than I would walk from here to John O'Groats in midwinter.

AintNobodyHereButUsChickens · 08/02/2026 18:27

Your BIL sounds like a good egg!

Unpaidworkmakestheeconomytick · 08/02/2026 18:29

I think the clue is when you described her need to feel superior to others when she has an affluent life and looks down on those who have less.
In some warped way she sees your celiac disease as superior and therefore is constantly trying to put you down.
I totally admire your stance and will practice it more. I am gluten intolerant and may have celiac but am unwilling to poison myself for six weeks so the gp can tell me I am.

TheFireHorse · 08/02/2026 18:29

PenelopeAsks · 08/02/2026 12:30

If she is like that in public wtaf is she like at home?

This is what I was thinking, poor BIL

Holdinguphalfthesky · 08/02/2026 18:37

Wow! My mum became really ill after I was born as she developed coeliac. She nearly died because it was so little known (late 70s). Your SiL was waaayy out of line and sounds both unhinged and unpleasantly entitled. I do admire your cool and lack of reactivity, more power to your elbow!