To be surprised at someone being pregnant at 44

[Onempretime7788]

I would have thought post 35 was rare

Interesting as the Office for National Statistics which is s government dept, says differently - bizarre!

had my first at 18. Recurrent miscarriages in my late 20s and early 30s, had my daughter at 40. I think 44 is on the later side but to suggest that 35 is too old is ridiculous.

Everyone will act like you're weird for thinking anything about it but 44 is surprisingly late to have a baby. Not because you shouldn't or because it's not usually possible (it usually is possible, if harder or riskier) but for me it's because if a woman hasn't had a baby by 44 I'd naively assume she had made the decision, or been forced by circumstance, not to have kids. So yeah, I'd be mildly surprised if a 44 year old told me she was pregnant, too.

I also think the doom and gloom responses are rooted in misogyny. Dressed up as “concern” and “advice”, when it’s just thinly veiled judgement towards women who dare to prioritise fun, career and personal accomplishments in their 20s and 30s. That’s why there’s far more ‘faux concern’ when it’s a woman having her FIRST baby at 40, not her 3rd or 4th. Indeed so much of the unsolicited and patronising advice comes from women who had their last child ‘late’. It seems it’s fine to have a baby in your 40s, just as long as you’ve already sacrificed your 20s and 30s to motherhood. 👍

Fair enough, it does cut both ways and it's horrible either way. I also hate people thinking that women are pretty much written off for having a child younger on life, too. I do see that somewhat as backlash.

Why do women feel so threatened by other women's choices as though it somehow undermines or threatens their own life choices? We're all on different paths.

Being a mother can be bloody hard whether you're 16 or 46!

Well, every time I was in the hospital to give birth to my babies, there were a handful of women in their early forties (40-42, I'd say).

44 seems much more unusual.

I know it is only 2 years difference to 42, but those 2 years probably make a huge difference in fertility and life planning.

The women who had babies at 52 and 53 did not have natural conceptions. That would be IVF. They may have said it just happend naturally, but surely no-one is naive and clueless enough to believe it?!

Post 35 is obviously not rare - 27% of babies are born to mothers over 35. However, 44 is more unusual but hardly unheard of - roughly 1% of babies are born to mothers who are 44 or above.

Exactly. As has been said, on Mumsnet, every third woman has 2 or 3 babies in her 40s, and 44 is just an average age to have a baby.

In the real world, it's not.

Not even in 'London!' 😆

1% is LOW.

Also most of them will be via IVF.

Actually, before PP posted that statistic (would be good to get the source), I would have guessed a lot less than 1% of babies being born to women age 44+. Because 1% would suggest thousands of babies are born to women mid-40s and up every year… Can that be right? 🧐

ONS data - about 0.5 % of births at 44 and 0.4-0.5% for mothers who are 45+. Combined its 5,000-6,000 babies a year. Remember, its not just IVF kids - its not unheard of for women to have a third or fourth child rock up in their 40s as a surprise when they stopped thinking they needed to be so careful with contraception.

Wonder how many of those women had miscarriages before successful pregnancies at 44/45

Also wonder how many older mums end up using donor eggs

I was 43, 26 years ago, so not too unicornish.

No miscarriages, no donor eggs.

It’s not unheard of at all, I agree. I am just surprised at the numbers, that’s all. Despite all the MN anecdotes and several celebrities having babies in this age group, 6,000 a year still seems bonkers (in a good way).

I was also a little surprised... but i guess its the laws of large numbers - small percentage, lots of women....

Agree that you find more older mums on Mumsnet than UK average, but I don’t think it’s because people make it up in an anonymous online forum. The Mumsnet demographic is predominantly well educated women and there is a correlation between level of education and age to have children.

Had my son at 39, the eldest in our NCT class was 41….

Yes, I agree and where I live IVF is offered up to 43 years old.

I mean, I wouldn't wait until the age of 44 to start trying for a baby, but I wouldn't be shocked by a 44 year old pregnant woman either. It's obviously possible.
I made my mum a grandmother at 48, sent one of her friends into an existential crisis.

Yeah, this. See it all the time on here. Always with the travelling it seems. Needs to be on a bingo card.

I think the attacks on younger mothers tend to be a lot more vitriolic and personal in general. The stereotypes are you’re irresponsible, uneducated, child’s probably raised by grandparents, promiscuous, multiple boyfriends, you’re relying on benefits, no fun in life, popping out babies, you must regret having children, must be broke, low class circles etc.

Its awful when theres judgement either way.

However- usually, a thread is started semi criticising older mums (probably by a bored poster who never actually returns to thread). There are replies for/ against. Then an older mums or two, who feels attacked, says something in reply about how younger mums arent ideal in other ways, as a type of defence.

Younger mums then feel criticised and lash out about older mums, and it snowballs.

If you were a younger mum, you will feel the things being said are more spiteful to your camp, but the same is true vice versa.

All doing our best. Yet threads like this one are constant, and always have mums turning on each other, when in actual fact, they wouldn't have even thought such things without the inflammatory post being made.

Lime.all things, its swings and roundabouts. Each family/ individual different, and we should all be supporting each other.

Agree @AutumnAllTheWay women can be so unnecessarily critical of each other. If it’s not older mothers vs younger mothers, it’s mums against childfree women and vice versa.

I feel women - on all sides - who are genuinely happy with their choices wouldn’t go out of their way to talk down to others who took a different path.

I have friends who had their first kid 15-20, friends who had their first kid at 40+ and friends who don’t have or want any kids, friends who are SAHM, friends who work in high powered jobs while having kids and everything else in between. We all get along as we respect each others circumstances and decisions.