I was snobby, apparently

[Rayners]

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

I would imagine that you don't generally have much in common with your sister, OP. Well, if you're a 'snob' so am I and what's more I don't care.

She was wrong to go on and on and on, v rude. But you raised the stakes a bit and your comment was just a bit more potentially insulting and therefore more likely to get flack. Many many people take their kids on package hols, I was taking on them as a kid, as well as ones like yours to places like Ephesus etc, so you will hear more vitriol on your comment than hers I'm afraid.

She was rude and your family need to step out of it though, none of their beeswax

We do both types of holiday, and the children definitely prefer the resort with a pool, burgers and evening entertainment type. I would not choose this kind of break for myself, but also find dragging bored children around European cities in the heat can be tiresome. Sure there will be some (older?) kids who love the history and culture, but some do not.

You are both being unreasonable. She is ridiculous to think that there is only one way to enjoy holidays, but your butlins comment does sound snobby.

Well her sister was being pretty rude about their holiday…

Everyone knows children love volcanoes.

She was judgemental about your holiday. What does “trying to be something you’re not” mean anyway? Saying things like that smacks of hang ups about class.

@Rayners I think you perhaps could have gone with, “Well, your holiday looked boring to us too. Horses for courses but at least we all enjoyed our own holidays”.

Certainly different types of holiday and it endorses people’s different interpretations of what’s what I guess.
In OP’s defence I do think her sister pushed too many buttons and should have accepted that her choice of holiday and photos can be so different from that of others.
FWIW, I’d sooner not go on holiday at all than go to Spain, just proves that we’re all different.
Bit childish of the sister to rev up all the family….why couldn’t she just let it go?!

Meh - she was being really rude so you snapped back. Disengage with the drama. Don't rise to her repeated demands to discuss it and gently laugh it off if others try to raise it. Disengage. The fact that she keeps banging on about it is unreasonable and not worth trying to resolve.

Same here

I also agree with @Diamondsareforever72 the OP was goaded.

@Rayners the phrase you were probably looking for would have been along the lines of "opinions vary" and left it at that.

Butlins type holidays were all we could afford and they were shit but my kids didn’t know any different. We still tried to instil the cultural capital with castles and museums and as adults they now tell us that they hated those bits and found them boring. (All still academic high flyers). Children want children’s things - so there is nothing wrong with a simple bucket and spade holiday with crabbing on the quay and bags of chips.

I personally think there is something pretentious about taking young children on a ‘cultural’ holiday. It reminds me of a snobby friend who loftily proclaimed once that “Chloe simply loves Lyme Regis…”. Chloe was 4 ffs. She did the whole Italy thing and Chloe (now age 6) ‘loved the little ferries across the harbour and speaking Italian at the waiters.’ I’m pretty sure Chloe, now a tattooed party girl in her 20s, doesn’t recall a single thing about it.

Then her sister could keep her opinions to herself?

Your Sister started it. She was raining on your parade and goading you.

You snapped back and said what many people probably thought.

If your Sister can’t take it then she shouldn’t dish it out. She sounds quite unpleasant to me.

I think your holiday sounds perfect Op. My kind of holiday; somewhere warm, somewhere cultural with amazing food and scenery.

Your Sister’s holiday sounds like my idea of holiday hell.

Your DSis is an idiot to have continued insisting your dd was bored and her type of holiday was the only way, But it was OTT to say her holiday was like Butlins, intended as a perjorative comparison.

Your DSis and family simply cannot envisage that different people enjoy different things - whilst you did appreciate that they enjoyed their holiday.

Probably the only thing that can happen now is that you acknowledge that the Butlins comment was rude and you have nothing against Butlins anyway, but that they need to recognise that people enjoy a range of things and you and your dd enjoyed Italy whatever they think and your dd would probably enjoy a resort hotel and pool too.

But you probably can't do anything about their ingrained chip and narrow mindedness, so ignore.

Your sister going on and on about was boring.

I don't blame you for eventually biting.

I agree with this.

Your sister has a nasty case of inverted snobbery. She's the one who judged your choices, different people enjoy different things. She sees your choices as more worthy and wants to bring you down a notch or two.

She doesn't sound very nice.

Snobby wouldn’t be the word I would use. Condescending maybe. But your sister did press your buttons.

Pretentious how? We’re planning a holiday for Easter. I asked the kids where they want to go and my 10 year old said she’d like to go to Pompeii. 12 year old said she wanted to go to Rome. Both related to things they’re doing at school. How on earth is it pretentious to take kids to see things that they’ve actively said they want to see?

She was being a shit to repeatedly slag off your holiday
Then get defensive when you slagged off her holiday
Then involve your mum and wider family in the drama over a comment

Yes the butlins comment wasn't really needed (a ' can you stop going on about it, we all enjoyed it and I'm a bit sick of you calling it boring, can't we just accept we all like different things' etc would have been fine) and can see why she thought it was a bit snobby.

But she did deserve it and seems to be suffering from a bit of inverse snobbery herself if she thinks pompeii is boring

Just tell her that if she can’t see that she was being hugely judgemental of you, your family and your family’s choices with her comments, and that she started it, then she’s thick as well as common. 🤣🤣🤣

"We enjoy seeing the actual country, I could eat burgers and do karaoke at home if I wanted to." would have been my only reply.

Yes this. Funny enough I enjoy both those types of holidays and DD has been on cultural exploring holidays and poolside all inclusives. Room in the world for both

So would you two have carted on and on at your sister if she showed you her holiday pics of Italy, volcanoes etc? And insisted the holiday was boring and the child was bored, even though the sister said not?

Because this thread isn't about 'which holiday do you think is best for kids', its about reacting to other people's holidays.

Had the sister said 'very pretty - good for you - I couldn't do that with mine, they'd be bored but glad you enjoyed yourselves' that would have been different.