I was snobby, apparently

[Rayners]

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

What is wrong with being a snob (if that's what people choose to call it - inverted snobbery at its finest!) ? What is wrong in having standards? I personally would not been seen dead doing the Spanish holiday - the Italy holiday however sounds wonderful. And Butlins - no freakin way.

Ok snob

I don't think you sounded snobby, you were retaliating. If you'd made the Butlins comment before she had gone on about DD being bored it might have been construed as snobbish, but I'm with you, I don't go abroad to eat burger and pizza I'd much rather go on a scenic holiday and get involved with the culture.

I see it this way .. that it all boils down to .. she dished it out first ? So if you can’t take it ! Don’t give it ! 🤷‍♀️
if you had instigated the initial “ your holiday looks … etc “ then fair enough but she had more than enough to say first about your holiday pictures ??
Almost goading you for a reaction over a period of time .. I’m my personal opinion if someone has a lot of unwarranted negativity about something then it’s a jealousy pre conceived defensive approach .. I holiday in Spain .. absolutely no judgement on your sister and her family .. she sounds like she has a good time making memories with her family .. but so did you ? .. marmite ? Does everyone like it ? No ? Are both parties wrong or at a disadvantage for not doing so or doing so ? No ! Same as the holiday choices .. you clearly hit a nerve with her 🫠.. that ls why she’s trying to throw you under the bus in front of your mum 🤦‍♀️…however she got a reaction ( that you suppressed for a while to be the bigger person ) that hit home .. no hate .. just my personal opinion 😘

Mmhmm.

@Rayners no you don’t come across snobby at all…
Everyone has a different idea of what a holiday is… my ideal U.K. holiday with small DC is Butlins and it’s great fun… or a holiday abroad would be sitting by the pool, water parks and beach fun… BUT we are a water loving family and we’d be in the pool / sea, snorkelling etc for majority of the time.
i personally wouldn’t site sea with a young child as I think we’d both get bored.. BUT my best friend absolutely loves that kind of holiday and one of her DC loves walking round and looking at buildings and soaking in the culture… I would probably like that if it was there autumn.. but wouldn’t be my choice of a summer holiday… if that makes sense…
BUT your family have absolutely no right to tell you your holiday was boring or criticise your choices for your family and I would get annoyed too…. Your sister obviously pushed you passed your limit and so you snapped back….

I would message her and say you’re sorry you said that about her holiday, and you except her ideal holiday is very different from your idea of a perfect holiday, but please rest assured we also had a lovely time on ours and DC absolutely loved it too.. she loved soaking up the culture and is already talking about where we can go next year - she wants to go to X and visit Y &Z 🤣🤣

Why do people think learning about culture and history is snobby? It’s bizarre that we don’t recognise curiosity and learning as a good thing. She’s going to say the same about university in the future. Then it will be job aspirations. People like this keep themselves in their place and criticise others for not wanting to share it. Crack on op. Do what is best for your dc and don’t ever be told what your place in society should be. Aim high for dd.

She asked for it.

I think your response was fine.

I think the issue is that OP's sister took it family wide, getting her 'side' in first

Why apologize? All that does is reinforce the notion that OP is obliged to pander to her sister.

They already both know that they enjoy different things, but respecting that wasn’t enough for OP’s sister. She wasn’t prepared to accept anything other than Op agreeing that her way is superior.

I think it's unfair of anyone to describe what the OP said as "snobby".

I think her sister was very rude to suggest that her choice of holiday was not suitable for her daughter and that her daughter must have been bored - and to continue haranguing her about it. Then to bring the rest of your family into it was most unkind.

I have been to Butlins with my grandchildren and on the sort of holiday the OP describes with my grandchildren. They enjoyed both. I tend to agree with her that not venturing further than the swimming pool, in-house entertainment, etc., rather than exploring the "outside world", is rather unimaginative. I don't think it was "snobby" to eventually respond in kind to her sister's repeatedly nasty remarks.

I’m not sure what the rest of the family think? Are they unimaginative lovers of burgers too? If so, ignore their views! Who needs to be ganged up on like this for doing something good.

Tbf , ‘I’m not been funny but’ you did describe her holiday photos in quite a mean way on here.

She was rude and you were snobby in retaliation.

Maybe in future just change the subject? Or explain that due to her autism your daughter likes different things to your sister's children?

Who even sits and shows people holiday photos in 2026, did she take them on a film camera and have them developed and printed out too? You put them all on Facebook then people see them if they want to nowadays surely, the fact that she even had to do that coupled with the fact she pressed about comparing the holidays so much, suggests she's that type of person who has to show off or one up someone else about insignificant things.

Yes, well said 💚
Original commenter was goaded, most folk will just take being pushed so much, before they eventually defend themselves 💛This is all that seems to have happened here
Yes her sister seems extremely rude & unkind to triangulate & make flying monkeys of the rest of their family members too 🫂

She’s quite happy to dish it out but she can’t take it! As they say, people in glasshouses shouldn’t throw stones. I’d say crack on, your holiday sounds lovely!