I was snobby, apparently

[Rayners]

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

I don’t think what you said was snobby. Her holiday was Butlins with the heat turned up. There’s nowt wrong with that it’s just different.
She is guilty of reverse snobbery - going on and on about your supposedly boring holiday. She pushed until you snapped and then she didn’t like your response.
My kids would definitely prefer your option over hers.

Both holidays soind dreadful if I'm honest.
I'm all for a bit of culture and sight seeing etc but where's the fun??

Heaven forbid someone has a pint on holiday

She started the insults with calling your holiday boring. You called her holiday Butlins. I'd say that's pretty even.

You aren't being snobby, You just have different tastes. I went on holiday with a sister once. It was kind of her to invite me but to say we were polar opposites would be putting it mildly.
She demanded Richmond sausages and beans for breakfast, I bought local fruit bread from a bakery.
She wanted to spend the day on a sunlounger under a regimented row of hotel parasols. I hired a car and drove up into the mountains.
She wanted to drink and party in the evenings I wanted supper overlooking the bay and then a stroll on the beach.

Just accept you are different and don't discuss holidays again.

Then she should probably stop going on for more details of OP's holidays if her only purpose in doing so is to make rude comments.

OP was a bit rude. The sister was more rude, and initiated the whole thing. Crying to the extended family about it is ridiculous.

I'm completely each to their own on holidays, aware that people would hate ours as much as I'd be bored senseless by theirs so just make positive noises when others are raving about their holidays and saying we should go there. But if OP's sister or mother had been so rude as to describe mine as sounding "boring" I'd have no problem responding "And yours sounds like the third circle of hell to me, so just as well we don't need to go on holiday together."

You both sound insecure.

Exactly.
Live by the sword, die by the sword. Suck it up, DS.

If you’d said your comments, without provocation, then I’d say it was snobby.

But the key point is you didn’t. You were complimentary about her photos and she was very rude, for no reason, about your holiday. She also didn’t stop when you explained your daughter, who you obviously know much better than your sister, had a good time.

So, no, your sister was being very rude and wouldn’t stop - so you said something to make her stop!
The saying “play stupid games, win stupid prizes” comes to mind.
Your sister got her just dessert.

Your sister is a dick.

OK, in an ideal world you shouldn't have made the Butlins comment.....but it's unbelievably rude of her to bang on about how boring your holiday must have been. To then go crying to the rest of your family about it is ridiculous.

If it comes up again I'd just say "you kept being rude about my holiday so I retaliated.... let's just leave it at that."

To be fair, it does sound better!

Your family are inverse snobs. It sounds like they feel a bit threatened by people who enjoy things/experiences that they haven’t done themselves.

Culture and sight seeing IS fun if you actually like it and are interested and not just ticking things off a list you think you 'ought' to do.

The butlins comment was kind of snobby but as you said she kept going on and insulting your holiday. She had the opportunity to drop it. Play silly games win silly prizes

Snobby (but not wrong) and served her right so I voted YANBU.

Why didn't your mother reprimand her for criticising and judging your holiday?

I dont think you sound snobby at all. Both holidays were fine....just a matter of preference.

In the culture and sight seeing obviously?

If her child was happy and having fun, her child was happy and having fun.

Is it really that hard to get your head around the fact that different people like different things, including children?

You do sound a bit snobby @Rayners but don’t take that badly. I am bloody snobby and don’t deny it. You and your sister sound very different, her holidays sounds very Benidorm. She is rude. Take no bloody notice.

Everyone likes different holidays. I’m taking DD to a holiday park soon with a sense of dread as it’s not my scene and more your sisters. But I will be hiding my photos! 😂 DD wants to stay in a caravan and we are broke post divorce so I’m grinning and bearing.
Can’t bloody wait to take her to Pomepi instead!

Nah I'm with you, I wouldn't say anything usually but your way of travelling IS far better and more interesting, going on holidays where you don't leave a hotel complex is boring AF. That's a private opinion but if you slagged my holiday off I'd be more honest too 😂😂😂

What? The sister was extremely dube first and started the whole thing. Op is fine.

"Dd must have been bored?"

You should have said, "Far from being bored, she went out of her mind in the Sistine Chapel, we couldn't stop her screaming at the ceiling!"

Out of context, the Butlins comment was snobby, but you were understandably biting back against your sister’s nasty inverse snobbery about your holiday. If she doesn’t like it she should probably learn to keep her own opinions to herself.

Is there a tradition in your family of everyone tiptoeing around your gobby sister? And is your mother also prone to running down things she considers to be airs and graces? Tbh I would probably just laugh at them and leave them to stew. They’re being ridiculous.

btw we went to Butlins 4 years in a row when our kids were small. There was a certain amount of teeth-gritting for DH and I, but it was absolutely perfect for an autistic child and one with ADHD. We could give them a bit of freedom in the park, plenty of different activities for DS2 to flit between and DS1 knew what to expect so he could actually relax and enjoy himself. So I am a Butlins fan, and I still think your comment served your sister right.

A bit snobby and if it was said to a mate I would think differently but she’s your sister at the end of the day I’m sure over your lives you’ve said worse things to each other - I know I’ve said some rouge stuff to my sister.

Getting the whole family involved is ridiculous, but then again my sister still tattle tails to dad at 35. She’s always been a grass.

I think she felt insecure that you thought her holidays were tacky and you confirmed that fear.
She pushed it and you ended up snapping.

Just one of those things.

If your family make you feel uncomfortable about this, then that’s on them too.

Sod them.

TBF it did sound snobby. Not just about flashing cash, feeling or flexing superiority that in essence you had more cultured break (entirely your prerogative) enough.

She shouldn’t of derided yours either.

Sounds like a bit of holiday judging on both your parts but your family would prefer your sister's holiday to yours. Maybe best not to discuss anymore, can't remember asking to see anyone's holiday pics - they are usually pretty dull.