I was snobby, apparently

[Rayners]

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

But the SIL outright stated that she thought her Spain holiday was better than the OP's. Does that make SIL a snob? An inverted snob perhaps ( if that isn't a snobby thing to say).

Frankly, the family the OP complaint about sound like they're spoiling for a fight, and the SIL sounds unintelligent but onipionated. OP should tell them all to get over themselves, them employ her intelligencek to work out how ( far) to interact with them, going forward, since there does seem to be a mismatch of outlooks here,

Well, of course it was!

She started it
You escalated it
Your mum's a dick for picking sides.

Be smug quietly.

Like I am with BIL when he spends thousands on shit holidays so he can be waited on hand and foot. Twat.

YANBU. Your sister was rude about your holiday, so she can’t have it both ways. Your holiday sounds great for a child, especially since you know best what your DD likes and chose something that suits your family, just like your sister did.

I probably would have lost my patience with her, too.

Wtf? The sister started this by saying OPs holiday was boring.

Hahaha gold.

She chose a chillax holiday, you chose a cultural one. Both work. The bigger question is why she had her claws out about it. Jealousy? Is everything - including holiday destinations and how to raise the kids - a competition between the two of you?

It is a bit snobby to compare holidays and it sounds like you think hers was 'lower class' or 'less culturally enriching'. The latter which may be true but she likes what she likes and you like what you like.

It's not a competition. Those things seem boring to her and her kids but they weren't boring for you and you're the only ones who need to be satisfied with the experience.

you May have come across a bit judgemental but to quote the average 7 year old ‘she started it ‘ - and it was non of her business, our son enjoyed Rome at 8 just as much as he enjoyed Puerto pollensa -!!! It’s the equivalent of mumsnetters who don’t get why some people don’t like AI hotels/complexes and launch straight into the ‘being snobby’ - nope I don’t like them unless it was at ikos level because I like going somewhere different every night, I like choosing particular wines and food being cooked fresh , I find it depressing seeing people stay round a pool all day getting tanked up on free booze etc - maybe snobby yes, but my cash, my choice.

Maybe you did sound a little snobby, but I think you were justified given she’d repeatedly criticised your holiday. Some people love to dish it out but can’t take it back.

It was! 🤣

Cross post.

SIL sounds like her ego is in inverse proportion to her intelligence. I bet she's a drama queen, too.

Looks like you've made an enemy. The silver lining is that you'll be able to tell, from how they react to this manufactured drama, who to gradually fade out.

Your Butlins comment was snobby ...
Your sister was a bit inverted snobby suggesting your child was bored on your chosen holiday.
People enjoy different things but many young children (you dont say how old your DD is but not many under 10 yr olds would enjoy a cultural picturesque cobble stone holiday (although some might)
I think you should both stop judging each others holiday choices.

Am I being unreasonable? Well, a bit. No Im not you bunch of unreasonable bastards, how very dare you. Ok then, but you did ask. This is time alive on earth none of us are getting back 😀

Her trip sounded horrific..
Yours sounded amazing.
Be glad you don't HAVE to see her if you don't want to.

Had loads of great holidays but took mum and dad with us once years ago. Dad took loads of photos of different views, mountains etc. When the photos were shown round my sister said 'Bloody hell, are there none with people on'. I have to agree, if you take photos of cobbled streets and mountains you may as well just buy a postcard.

The sister insisted yours was a boring holiday and created drama ,...out of absolutely nowhere. It's on her. She seems wierd.

Her sister was being a massive twat and prodding and poking the bear with her derisory, bitchy before OP finally, understandably snapped.

It sounds like you may be an outsider within your own family, OP, from your mums reactions, but eff em. It’s not their life, they’re jealous

She is not obliged to agree

and if you look at the poll the majority don’t think she was unreasonable

so really you’re jus getting annoyed she didn’t agree with you, which isn’t really the point of AIBU!

No they don’t. I don’t go on Butlins holidays and I don’t make fun of them.

Please don’t assume everyone is spiteful enough to make fun of people for liking different things.

i don’t look down on people for liking different food or music or places or houses or holidays or movies. And I can’t think of a single reason why I would.

You were both rude

You are not snobby, just cultured. And your sister and mother are philistines. Accept it and next time try to steer conversations away from the topics which through no fault of your own will disturb the chip on their shoulder - travel, literature, art etc.

She knows you had a much nicer holiday than she did which is why she was running your holiday down. All this business of 'trying to be something you're not' is inverted snobbery. God forbid that you should want something different from what you were brought up with, eh?

Go back to Italy and enjoy yourself, OP.

And what did their kids do other than use the pool, eat burgers and watch their parents drinking and doing karaoke. Oh yeah, kids club. So mum and dad could fuck off and do what they wanted. She’s jealous your child likes doing stuff with you and you all like doing stuff together. She sounds insecure and pathetic

The truth hurts though, she sounds jealous.

It’s ok to evolve and grow same as it’s ok to be born and die in your hometown. We’re all different.