I was snobby, apparently

[Rayners]

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

Your holiday sounds fab, any chance of the details? 😀

You were a bit snobby.

But she was bloody rude and she wouldn't shut up and you were provoked, so meh.

I wonder why she felt so strongly about your holiday. You didn't go through her photos and say "where are the photos showing you looking at something picturesque/ artistic/ cultural" etc.

So what, be as snobby as you want to someone who was tiresome, rude and critical about your holiday. She got short shrift and she deserved it.

Your sister sounds like a horrible bully, does she often put you down or try to make you feel weird/not normal?

I also would have taken offence at her comments about your DD surely being bored - especially if she knows DD is autistic and has special interests - it’s almost like she was putting her down as well, implying that a “normal” child (like her basic children) would be bored so there is something wrong with your daughter that she enjoyed herself without the garish water park and all inclusive buffet.

She sounds like a bully and you stood up to her so now she’s doubling down trying to get your family involved and ostracise you further. I think you need to protect yourself from this toxic situation OP.

Youv realy made me laugh about your comment "Shes a cheeky c..t"

I can afford a Range Rover but I would absolutely never buy one, unless I went to live on a farm.

Not everyone values what you do.

I disagree. OP shouldn’t apologise to her sister who ridiculed her holiday and her parenting and only said one comment back about the holiday that was pretty benign.

Doubt her sister will apologise considering she’s playing victim and I bet if OP does apologise, the sister will take it as her being right and then blab it to the rest of the family.

Her sister enjoyed her holiday and went on and on about it and making out that they had a good time so why be offended that OP said hers look like Butlins if that is the type she likes and it is a factually correct?

OP’s sister threw out all sorts of assumptions and was wrong considering OP’s daughter is autistic and would not have enjoyed the holiday the sister took her kids on, and did enjoy her holiday but obviously that didn’t matter to OP’s sister.

The only think OP should do is be happy in the fact that she did right by her daughter and ignore her goady sister and enabling mother.

I’d prefer your holiday but I wouldn’t have reacted the way you did

I would let it blow over. Sounds like you are in some competition with holidays and photos. Maybe you are both right and wrong and should leave it at that.

She was rude asking for your photos, she was rude repeating her comments so it serves her right.

I come across this with DB in a different way. I'm always told, quite insistanyly, I shouldn't research a destination or book things to do. He's gotten some family board and I've been picked on a lot, apparently theirs is the 'right' way to travel. They belive in no research & just walking out of their hotel & wandering about. We do a flexible itinerary which has a some pre-booked things, but everything else changes as needed. Found the most incredible open air museum on the outskirts of Tokyo quite randomly while eating our combini lunch, temples off the beaten path, and they still don't know what team labs is! We both have teens.

Anyway, I just say we have different travel styles for exploring and leave it at that. I don't engage.

Op I don’t know why your sister took offence butlins is very expensive I think you need to just remind her everyone likes to holiday different otherwise it would be boring if we all do the same type.and if you and dd enjoyed that’s all that matters and is she enjoys hers good for her. Not everyone wants to drink and leave kids in clubs some people like to sight see. You’re just very different neither boring.

It's obviously going to be better for a child to be exposed to foreign culture and history than to be stuffed in a kids club and have junk food they have at home.

I'm with you but you have different approaches and telling her it was like Butlins (which sounds fair) is going to get her on the defensive. People who are feeling attacked will lash out so it was all a bit predictable.

I don't think you were being snobby. I'd have bitten too.

Your holiday sounds fab
The other one sounds ghastly to me

But we all like different ways 🤷‍♂️

Your sis was so rude to you
No wonder you told her a home truth ❤️

People have their own kinds of pleasure with holidays.

From my experiences, I don't like those "live in the hotel bar for a fortnight" ones either.

When we don't have photos, it's because we're too busy actually experiencing our holiday and making unforgettable memories. People even go to the same resort, have all kinds of holidays, and have their own opinions on their time.

What I'd never do (except in private, obviously) is express how I feel about others' holidays. If they enjoyed it, good for them. Whatever they do/did has no effect on me, so whatever.

I frankly think it's disgusting that she said that to your face. At the very most, I might've said something along the lines of "Oh, that's very different to what you usually do" if applicable. You're perfectly justified, IMO.

Why are people defending the OP's DS and family ganging up on her? The sister's comments were horrible and I think OP was pretty restrained in her response. It's all very well people coming up with "alternative responses" but in the heat of the moment it's not so easy to be a bloody saint. And it really isn't a matter of who prefers what holiday, it's a matter of being polite and not nasty about other people's choices.

I don’t think you were being snobby. The point was that her photos could have been taken anywhere- there was nothing in the photos that appreciated the culture of the country. Two completely different holidays- she just wanted to eat burgers and drink beer in the sun and you wanted to appreciate the sights, culture and history of Italy.
She was rude and her comments about your daughter her uncalled for.

Fwiw her holiday did sound shit. I couldn’t be arsed to pack and fly just to sit in a hot Butlins

I do think you should consider using the word being rather than been, they have different meanings.

I agree that butlins is a tacky holiday.
Of course it’s snobby to say that but butlins IS tacky. It’s literally designed for maximum tackiness and it targets people who enjoy that.

If she didn’t want any judgement passed on her holiday, she shouldn’t have passed judgement on yours! I don’t think you’ve been out of order @Rayners but I think she suspects you think she’s a bit trashy and she’s trying to call that out. She started it after all!

I’m with you. You only said something because she was being rude to you.

Thank you! After age 9, any kind of 'kiddy' holiday with pools and inflatables would have bored the hell out of me. I was happiest in a corner with a book or The Economist. Or chatting to adults about politics etc.

I'm glad that as a parent you embrace what your child really wants and don't try to get her to be someone she isn't. Equally, this is probably more fun for the adults.

Your sister just had a 'basic' holiday and you were happy keeping your views to yourself until she really pushed you over the edge. It's not your fault.

OP, I don’t think you were snobby in the least. The holiday your DS went on would have looked like Butlins with sun. That’s only an insult if you find there to be something awful about Butlins- presumably you don’t. The fact that your family consider this snobby makes me feel the turn their noses up at Butlins. Now that’s snobby.

You had the holiday that suited your family and shouldn’t have been badgered into justifying it.

Your family don’t seem to understand your choices, I’d not discuss holidays again with them.

You weren’t snobby imo! You were provoked into a reaction! A lot of people assume kids are bored witless at things like museums, galleries etc, but its simply not true. It depends on the child.

She was horribly rude. You got defensive and answered back. Maybe that answer comes across as snobby.
but your family shouldn’t be getting involved!! Big mistake

I think OP broke and snapped because her sister was being incredibly rude….