I was snobby, apparently

[Rayners]

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

OP I dont think you are unreasonable. For me your holiday sounds perfect. Frankly I'd definitely prefer to be exploring the sights of Italy rather than staying in the hotel. I dont mind a day of relaxing & chilling out. But if I had to spend an entire holiday baking on a sun lounger beside a pool Id very quickly find it tedious. My children, even when they were little, also loved exploring seeing new things, places, trying new food.

However not everyone is the same - you and your sister obviously like very different things (& judging by some of your family's comments maybe they do also). Different isnt wrong - its just different. Its not snobby to be different.

I think if I had been you and provoked in the same way, I too might have exploded in a similiar way. I am happy for others to like different things, but I dont allow others to push me about. However I know from experience my habit of opening my mouth with a quick sharp retort has gotten me into hot water on a number of occasions. Yet those people have expected me to just take all their criticisms and backstabing comments but they arent able cope when their target gives as good as they get.

It would have been more tactful NOT to mention Butlins because that does come across as snobby. But I understand the wider point you were making. I dont think you will easily turn this around in the family. You may well just have to ride it out.

The only thing you possibly could do is if this crops up during a family gathering is just turn to your sister and say infront of everyone, 'Ok I will admit the Butlins comment was abit off. It was a spur of the moment thing because I was hurt and angry about the really nasty continous judgy comments you were making about my family holiday. It was extremely rude of you and I admit I just lost my temper. So I do apologise for that. But you did bring that on yourself by attacking me first. You provoked me. Look you and I just like very different things. I never criticsed what you did on your holiday you obviously enjoyed it which is the main thing isnt it? So why did you think it was ok to attack and criticse me just because my family like to do different things to you? Personally our family likes very different things on a holiday to you. If we are going abroad we want to get out of the hotel and see the sights. We want to explore the countryside and the villages and towns, meet the locals and try different food. We want to visit museums and ancient ruins and maybe even climb the odd volcano or two. But that is us - that is what we like to do on holiday. Im not asking you to do that when you go abroad. But its also not better or worse than what you want to do on holiday. Its just different.

So just accept that we are different from each and dont expect that my holidays are going to be clones of yours. And lets agree that even if we think what each other likes to do on holiday is boring, we keep those comments to ourselves.'

Then draw a line under it by changing the subject.

i would secretly think the same as you about her holiday - we’ve never taken our children to anything other than villa holidays with private pools where we have a hire car and go out and about exploring (other than ski holidays but again, never a holiday club in sight for them). They love our holidays and haven’t ever been bored! I think your holiday sounds lovely, and hers wouldn’t be for me, but then people like different types of holidays don’t they. She shouldn’t have been rude about yours in the first place though - you were both snobby in different ways but I’m more sympathetic to you as you only retaliated after being provoked!

See, I'm actually with you OP. You would have kept quiet what you thought about yours but she did put yours down first so fair game x

OP’s sister pushed to see OP’s holiday photos though.

I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

I guess OP should have said no but then her sister would have probably had issue with that and moaned.

OP's holiday sounds great. I don't think her Butlins comeback was wrong being that she was being chastised for her boring holiday. Kids are different, her dd obviously likes history, sight seeing etc.. her sisters kids like kids clubs activities. None of this would have happened if sister had just said nice photos instead of criticising.

You’re fine, OP. I’ve always enjoyed your type of holidays more. Couldn’t think of anything worse than your sister’s holidays. Sounds like she’s the jealous one and feels a bit inferior so she’s projecting big time!

Thankfully, we're not all the same - what suits one family / person for a holiday wouldn't suit another. You and your family enjoy breaks where you can discover new places and enhance your knowledge of the world. Your sister, however, is less so inclined. I'm sure we all have family / friends who fall into these categories (and more besides) but that doesn't mean one group is any more intelligent or cultured than another and the fact that others have been mean about you / your choices is simply a sad reflection of their perspectives. Carry on being you, just as your sister will continue to be her. Although we may not enjoy some things others do, we should never be mean if we just don't share their preferences. The ones who dismiss you as being a snob are saying more about themselves than they could possibly understand.

I think the purpose of the whole thread is just so people can tell you that you are so cultured/well travelled/sophisticated/amazing, classy and brilliant and your sister is a chav. Nice one OP.

Your holiday sounds great. Their holiday sounds uncultured and boring to me.
I'm a snob, there we are. Happy to be.

It's not a theoretical/exam point I'm making. Changing the sentence around flips the meaning and the argument.

But she didnt say her holiday was better, she said her sisters holiday was like butlins and to me her sister thought her holiday was better first so no wonder she reacted her sister sounds jealous not her

To me your sister sounds jealous... no wonder you said what you said. She gave negative judgements on a holiday that sounds very educational for your DD. Got nothing nice to say, say nothing at all or expect the back lash.

This is exactly what I thought..... whys everyone missing this point ??

An awful lot of people seem to like the same kind of holiday as the sister and to automatically think that anyone who goes on a different kind of holiday is judging them. There's a lot of insecurity on here.

Look on the bright side. At least your family won't want to come on holiday with you if they think you're being snobby

It depends on the child though. I was an only child too but I was extremely introverted (I still am). We went on one AI type holiday and I absolutely hated the kids club. I can't remember exactly what I hated about it as I was very young, but I do remember hating it.

I had good friends at home,I just took a while to make close friends and didn't especially enjoy meeting strangers, particularly in groups. I didn't miss my friends while we were on holiday, I enjoyed my own company even as quite a young child. OP's daughter might be the same. I would have preferred OP's style of holiday personally but we are all different.

So I think it's fine as long as you talk to your child about what they would prefer.

Yabu to keep saying “been” when you mean “being.”

Apart from that yes your post does come across as a bit snobby but your sister deserved it

It does sound snobby.
However, I also think she got what she deserved and Id rather go on holiday with you anytime.
My kids would've loved your holiday when they were little. They also very much enjoyed the 2 holidays we had when we stayed in a complex but we had had enough after a couple of days and ended up not using the facilities.
Its just different tastes, but im with you and she provoked your reaction imo

Good job you’re on the thread, absolutely no one else has noticed the OP’s use of ‘been’, or pointed it out, in the 48 hours since she posted it 🙄.

Im more of a sunshine ☀️ Spanish holiday gal because I love the sea swim fun and eating out, we go each year at some point, however yes your sister has no right to dictate what you should find boring or otherwise, it sounds like a good holiday, I’d find it interesting and was taken to similar places as a child, but Butlins might have been a bit too far 🙈 but honestly saying “your holiday is boring” was incredibly rude! She was pushing it! It’s not her holiday or choice! How does she know what your daughter likes or not? Don’t let it fester if it’s worrying you a lot but I see her point, totally see yours too though!

The Butlins comment was incredibly snobby and short sighted.

On our family holidays we pootle around places, we visit castles, museums and galleries, we eat at little indie restaurants. We've not been on an inclusive resort holiday because my husband hates sunbathing and I get cabin fever if we don't go exploring.

HOWEVER.... we also go to Butlins! And we have a hoot. There's so much for our teens and our friends' younger children to do. It's cheap and relaxed, the entertainment's great and we've really enjoyed those trips too.

Different people like different types of holidays. It's OK that you don't want to go to a swimming pool holiday and it's OK that she doesn't want to go on a city break holiday. I can see how she provoked you but I can also see that my holiday photos of cobbled streets don't scream "fun" but the kayaking we did on holiday did scream "fun".

All that said, you were very snobby and judgemental in your comment. You were being classist and snooty and looking down your nose from your high horse thinking that you were better for having a more culturally enriching holiday.

And her sister was doing what?

How is OP’s one, single comment somehow worse than everything her sister said when she called OP’s picture boring from the very beginning and pushed OP to show her more
holiday photos only to continue to call her holiday boring and telling her her child looked bored and couldn’t have had fun when OP’s daughter is autistic and OP had exactly the type of holiday her daughter enjoyed?

Also, how is saying like Butlins snooty unless you think it is actually low class?

Are AIl- inclusive all low class? How is enjoying learning and history classist? Learning is free.

OP explained what she meant and what her daughter enjoyed and still some posters want to act like she was somehow worse with a single comment than her sister was who kept slagging off her holiday from the beginning and cried victim when OP made a pretty benign comment after sitting through it.

Don’t slag off someone’s holiday and parenting and you won’t get back a comment you don’t like.

…and plenty of people don’t love Butlins, and consider it shit. OP is the only one of the two that was acknowledging, and respecting, the fact that different people enjoy different things. That particular concept had apparently managed to evade her sister, assuming of course that she has ever attempted to grasp it.

Incidentally, knowing that doesn’t mean you’re obliged to pretend that you personally like something when you don’t.

It’s amusing that it’s supposedly fine for OP’s sister to wax lyrical about how shit she finds OP’s choice of holiday to be, yet OP making one comment responding in kind is a heinous offense.

Are you being purposefully obtuse? You know exactly how the OP meant that Butlins comments. We all know.

The sister was also a twerp. Neither of them come out of it well.