I was snobby, apparently

[Rayners]

last year sister was showing me her holiday photos. She went to Spain and the photos were basically the kids in a holiday club, the kids eating burgers, the kids eating pizzas, the kids in a swimming pool, her DH with a pint, her and her DH doing karaoke in a bar etc etc … all of the photos were taken in the hotel complex with a couple of shots at the beach. I said they were nice photos and left it at that.
Later in the year we (me, DH and Dd) went to Italy. I uploaded a few photos on Facebook but not many. When we got back sister asked to see my photos - I said they’re on Facebook so she said “there’s hardly any on there and they’re the boring ones, I want to see them all” so I gave her my phone to scroll through them.

After a bit of scrolling she started saying stuff like “god these are boring! Were you not bored? Dd must have been bored?”

The photos in question were picturesque cobbled streets, mountains, churches, castles and abandoned towns. I said “DD loved it” so she chose one photo to show me which “proved” that DD was bored … a picture of DD sat staring ahead … at mt. Vesuvius. The reason she looked emotionless was because she was fascinated by it and often sits and stares at things … especially considering what she’d learnt that morning in Pompei!

Sister kept going on about what a boring holiday it must have been and how we should think about DD next time etc so I snapped and said “she enjoyed the holiday! I’m not been funny but your holiday photos might as well have been taken at Butlins”.

Now - this comment has come back on me ten fold - she told the entire (large) family what it id said and now I’m thought of as snobby and jealous as well as “trying to be something I’m not”. In a conversation this morning with my mum she brought it up again and asked why id said that - I told her (again!) what she’d said about my holiday photos to which she replied “well I’m not been funny but it did look a bit boring for a child”.

So was I out of order for what I said??? And AIBU to think our holiday wasn’t “totally unsuitable” for a child?

Your Sister sounds a bit uncultured and not very adventurous. Putting kids into kids club and sitting in the complex drinking is a waste of a holiday imo! But some people do love that, but I'm with you.... And bad of your mum to think your child was bored, atleast she hasn't been palmed off to kids club....I'd be raging with how they are painting you out to be.

sounds like she deserved your comment 😂 each to there own!!

I'm really sorry you're going through this original commenter 🫂
From everything you've mentioned, if your sister hadn't 1st had jibes at you about your family's holiday, you wouldn't have understandably jumped to defence 😥God Bless You
In my humble opinion, there's only so many digs one person can take, before they will naturally react & defend themselves - Also remembering she's the 1 who instigated the put downs, it's much more likely that she, your sister, is the one who's jealous of you & your holiday - Surely the rest of your family can see this, if they've heard the whole story?
Really hope your family see the light & take more seriously, your side
Wishing you all the utmost very best
💚🫂💚

My child, my holiday -my choice- your family thinking it might be boring is irrelevant- it's none of their business.
tell them that they holidays you choose is your business- it is not about you being snobby, it is about your family being controlling.
Just because they don't understand how a visit to Pompeii might be fun is their loss-and speaks of their inverted snobbery.

By the sounds of it she was picking faults in your holiday with her comments, if she can't take it then she shouldn't dish it out. She was picking with the 'your daughter looks bored comment'

Personally I think that's a brilliant trip to take a child on.

This isn’t really about the holiday though is it. I imagine it’s more about your family feeling that your choices are threatening.

My DM does this all the time , she feels that my dislike of some of the things I grew up with (benidorm type holidays) is a rejection of her.

It’s not though, I just hate those kind of resorts with ‘entertainment’ whereas my DM loves them. She is forever making my holidays sound like her idea of hell.

But she was super rude about the ops first??

I think the ops holiday sounds great, including for the kids. If family members say anything I’d ask so to be clear, you haven’t said anything to my sister about how she went on anout how boring boring boring my holiday was and my dd would have been so bored and how I’m such a selfish parent for booking such a boring holiday for my child? That wasn’t rude as well as complete bullshit? Dd would need counseling to recover from a Butlins holiday, do you want my dd in therapy to stop my sister from having a go? Or maybe I could just push back some items and she won’t be so bloody rude in the future? And if she is I will push back again, and if you have anything to say about it please don’t come near me, I don’t have time for people who actively want me to be a shit parent and it’s really disappointing when I thought you loved dd and you know she loved her holiday. Are we done on this topic now?

You can dispute both those things without making derogatory comments about her holiday. That's where you were snobby.

She was also a dick but really you sank to her level so you're both at fault. Retaliation isn't a pass for all behaviour.

I don’t think you were unreasonable, she shouldn’t have been so vocal about your boring holiday until you snapped. She obviously thinks her idea of a holiday is better so I don’t see how what you said is any worse

I’m sure your family probably thinks that you’re veering into Hyacinth territory 😂 And in fairness Pompeii and mountains are great but if I gave my DDs the choice between Butlins and your trip when they were younger they’d have chosen Butlins every day 😂 they also loved the cheapie all inclusive we took to Marrakech once too. Saying that, we’ve also been to Lake Como, Sardinia, Tuscany … they still prefer Disney 😂

They are different kind of holidays , none if you are wrong . We do a mix of them ,I think if I only did city breaks without pool or sea the kids would be bored , if I only did pool ones I would be bored . So we do sight seeing , food eating and breaches and often get villas with pools as that way we can still enjoy the local food and people . We also do Disney holidays as we both enjoy those .
What she said was stupid and your reply was obviously a criticism to her choices too . She has no right to be upset imo .

I don't think your comment was snobby op. She deserved it with her constant digs about your dc looking bored. She started it.

Your sister was rude.
You dished it back, and she didnt like it.
Ignore her if you can.
You dont need to justify your choices to her. Or to mumsnet.

(Ps. Sounds like a fab holiday in Italy x)

YNBU but you’re clearly different to your family and their aspirations I’m afraid so need to adjust what you say

I am baffled by some of these comments! So it is fine for the sister to make rude and disparaging remarks about OP's holiday, but the second OP retorts with one in return, she is a snob? Her holiday sounds like Brits abroad on crack and quite frankly a waste of an air fare. Butlins with no regard for their carbon footprint.

Oh, God, going to Spain and taking photos in the hotel, children eating, hubby drinking. What a waste of what Spain has to offer. Of course, taking pictures of cobbled streets and churches means you understand and appreciate history, art, culture, and that's what you're teaching your child. You are not a snob, she'd a ignorant person who could have stayed at home if she wanted a holiday made of burgers and beer at a nice hotel!!

OP did not say or imply that she thought that her holiday was 'better' than her sister's holiday and was absolutely provoked into the Butlins comparison by the judgmental attitude and comments made by her sister after viewing her photos! 🙄
It is clear to me that sadly the sister has some sort of chip on her shoulder regarding the obvious different lifestyle, leisure activities and apparent general outlook on life between her and the OP... the fact that she felt the need to 'rally' the family to her 'side' says far more about herself, her insecurities and possible inferiority complex than anything else! ☹️😪

Completely agree with you. People think they can act and say whatever they want and your reaction has to be flawless in return. Your comment was in direct response to hers and as such was perfectly reasonable.

lol. I love this OP