AIBU to give up an £80,000 job to work part time school hours?

[fieldmouse231]

We live in London and have a one-year-old DS. I earn more than my husband (c.£30k more) and work for a supportive company where I can WFH three days a week; my commute is 50 minutes. I’m back at work full time, earn £80k, quite enjoy my job and am well regarded, but I’m not especially career-motivated.

Our son is in nursery. I do pick-ups and drop-offs four days a week as my husband has a 90-minute commute, long hours (construction industry) and needs to be in the office four days a week.

We have a small mortgage for London (c.£800pcm) and over £100k in savings between us.

We’re planning a second child and I’d really like to take a step back after my second maternity leave (if we’re lucky enough to have another). Ideally I’d work part-time around school hours so I could manage drop-offs and pick-ups, and potentially spend 2–3 days a week caring for the children before they start school.

We’d also love to move out of London for more space and a countryside lifestyle — currently considering Bath. This would likely mean giving up my current job or having a very long commute. My husband is very career-motivated (this is a second career for him) and keen to progress; his work is project-based and may involve staying away three nights a week depending on location.

I don’t want to stop working entirely — it’s important for my identity and self-confidence — but equally I feel strongly about being present for my children and running our household.

AIBU to give up my £80k job and (inevitably) take a much lower-paid role to prioritise time with my children and family life?

You need to consider this really carefully and not with rose tinted spectacles!
Dropping to a TA or speech and language role would be such a huge reduction in pay and with no guarantee of the hours that you would want, it would not be sensible to even consider this.
Money buys you time and opportunity especially in the south, children become more expensive and in fact need you more as they get older navigating the teen years so it isn't just wanting to be around to pick them up whilst they are young.
Negotiate flexibility in your current role that can be future proofed, good will and experience in an organisation helps with this and cannot be bought in employment.
You already have an that arrangement many people would already wish for!

As well as giving you time with your children some part-time jobs have value far beyond salary. Health, education and charity jobs can be amazingly rewarding and provide all sorts of training and development opportunities. I made the jump after children and the jobs I have done since I would honestly do for free as I enjoy them so much. I am not someone who cares about material things and I feel that your time is the best thing you can give your children. I understand that not everyone feels this way and it is really about what feels right for you and your family.

You’re crazy to give up something that pays so well with that level of flexibility.

Give it a go, and if it’s not working, then scale back.

Do it! You've got a good financial backing and good options in mind. Your children are only this young for such a short period, before you know it they are in school. Don't miss it working. Work is exactly that, work...it won't buy that time back but it will buy you someone else having that time. Your career plans tend to change once you've got a family anyway. (Your priorities differ, not that you become any less ambitious or able).

Move our of the city, why not? Once they are settled in school it's very hard to move so consider it now. You only get one life to live.

I've been PT for 5 years now. Haven't regretted it in any way. Good luck!

I think you’d be mad to give up your job. Loads of women including me work full time and are on significantly lower wage than you. Breakfast club, after school club, holiday clubs etc.

Everyone will say don’t do it because he might leave you.

I suspect you are sufficiently capable if the worst happens, you’d find a way forwards and another great job.

live your life how you like! I’d take the leap - your kids are only young once. Good luck! Xoxo

In my experience kids need you just as much as they get older so would consider perhaps going part time 4 days in your role for a longer period if you can

I think the reality is if I did give up my job I’d essentially be a SAHM as even if I did work a few hours here and there they would be so hard to find and pay so much less. That does feel like a massively risky choice…

I work 25 hours a week and love it. Currently on my second maternity leave, doing a course whilst on leave to help me keep up with my industry still. Will stick to 25 hours per week for the foreseeable future as works well with us for childcare/costs/household stuff. Will eventually go back to full time, but personally for me spending 2 days a week with my eldest has been much more satisfying then my job ever has been (finance) so whatever works for you!

This! I worked part time when my children were small and loved it but my pension is shot. I'm late fifties now in a demanding job (55 + hrs a week) and will have to keep working for years. Very stressful indeed.

Do they though? I don't know anyone who has made a major career sacrifice in my life who regrets spending more time with their kids.

I personally think the fear of losing career status holds people back from putting family first...but in reality actually the people who step back to put family first say that it's worth the sacrifice of the salary.

But equally - I don't even have a pension, but my DH does! Everyone's circumstances are so different. I am not worried about finances in the slightest. DH pension will be plenty for us.

You’d be crazy to give that up when you can wfh 3 days a week. Your dhs salary won’t stretch far at all if you can’t find another job. Bath isn’t far off London prices with less work opportunities

Do you still get it if he dies before you? Risky to rely on it otherwise.

Honestly, I've thought about it a few times, giving up the "big" job for something "easier". What I do is pretty stressful at times, DH has an important job (no, not "man more important", I could earn more but in the grand scheme of the world, his is more important than mine and he should keep doing it as well as he does) so balancing the two can sometimes feel tricky. Even though he is very supportive of me having a good career.

However, I work for an excellent company, it's flexible, it pays well, the benefits are good and my direct AND indirect line management is fantastic. There is not a chance of finding this elsewhere in a "smaller" job. And those things should never be underestimated.

Aside from that, I think it's really important to have something for myself, and I think it's really important for DD to see her mum being independent and having the ability to balance all the things I want to be/do. It'll show her she has choices or she can do anything/everything she wants to.

Part time at the moment and that works well. Options to increase come school time. Consider that. Keep what you've worked for.

As long as your husband is happy too what's the problem?
I have to tell you though it rains all the time in Bath 🙄

I don’t think a lower paid job means easier either!

You do realise Bath is not the countryside? Or did you mean somewhere near Bath?

Yes, thankfully. Although hopefully he won't die before me!

What if he leaves?

I hate being the one asking this question because I'm also one of the annoying people who doesn't see DH leaving. But if you have no money of your own and he walks away, pension beneficiaries are so easily changed....

My situation was slightly different to yours but I went part time when I had my 4th child, it was a choice of leaving or going part time. I decided to take the hit short term knowing that when the kids grew up I could go back full time. A couple of years later I got a promotion and went back full time, the hours were better and in that time my husband also got promoted. Yes we made sacrifices financially during that time but we made the decision based on what was best for us a family at that time.
luckily the industry I work in allows that flexibility.
I would definitely have that conversation with your company before you make any solid decisions.
Good luck.

Haven't read full thread but as someone who moved out of London - DO NOT move to bath and one of you try to keep working in London

We moved a lot nearer than BAth and within 2 years my husband had to quit his job - which he had enjoyed!! because the commmute was just life suckingly awful

I honestly don't think he will. But if he does then I will divorce him for all I can get 😂

He's in Construction very difficult to get part-time work in Construction especially if hes site based.

There's a balance to be had.

I absolutely, 100%, do not regret going part time to have 2 days a week with DD while she isn't at school.

I KNOW I would have regretted walking away from work entirely because my industry moves so fast that a couple of years out would make it very hard to get back in. Plus I value my independence and being able to support myself financially is a big part of that. And on top of that, life is expensive these days. I don't want to spoil DD but equally I don't want to have to say no to everything because DHs salary is being entirely used up by surviving.

Me having the job I do and what it gives us is important for a lot of things. And I'd be very sad not to be able to give us what I do.

I'd also be sad if my job meant that DD was being looked after in childcare all day every day, and we barely saw her.

So I understand why people don't want to walk away from work. It can give as much as it takes. You need to find the balance that works for your family overall. And for some people it has to be skewed more towards work because they need to have the income to survive.