AIBU to give up an £80,000 job to work part time school hours?

[fieldmouse231]

We live in London and have a one-year-old DS. I earn more than my husband (c.£30k more) and work for a supportive company where I can WFH three days a week; my commute is 50 minutes. I’m back at work full time, earn £80k, quite enjoy my job and am well regarded, but I’m not especially career-motivated.

Our son is in nursery. I do pick-ups and drop-offs four days a week as my husband has a 90-minute commute, long hours (construction industry) and needs to be in the office four days a week.

We have a small mortgage for London (c.£800pcm) and over £100k in savings between us.

We’re planning a second child and I’d really like to take a step back after my second maternity leave (if we’re lucky enough to have another). Ideally I’d work part-time around school hours so I could manage drop-offs and pick-ups, and potentially spend 2–3 days a week caring for the children before they start school.

We’d also love to move out of London for more space and a countryside lifestyle — currently considering Bath. This would likely mean giving up my current job or having a very long commute. My husband is very career-motivated (this is a second career for him) and keen to progress; his work is project-based and may involve staying away three nights a week depending on location.

I don’t want to stop working entirely — it’s important for my identity and self-confidence — but equally I feel strongly about being present for my children and running our household.

AIBU to give up my £80k job and (inevitably) take a much lower-paid role to prioritise time with my children and family life?

Right now I think the world is quite unstable and the job market is going to change rapidly over the next 5 years or so, so I'd be holding on to the full time job and decent income for as long as possible to save as much money as possible.

I’d say don’t do it. I gave up a well-paid project management job to become a SAHM. Although life is less stressful than when I was juggling kids, work and commuting, I really miss having a salary. After eight years out of a professional role, I have no idea how employable I’ll be when the kids reach secondary school and retraining would mean additional expense. Your job sounds great. What industry are you in?

Check all your policies - parental leave, carers policy. I’d do all I could to stay in an 80k job and reduce hours temporarily

Could you compromise with a 9 day fortnight so you get every other Friday (or Monday) off? I don't think you should be reliant on a man - always have your own income (and given you have good earning potential, a big income!)

Sounds like a great idea to re-evaluate after you have soaked up the full.time maternity pay forms second time. I think the period after you go back from mat leave can be really overwhelming. I was close to dropping down to 3 days after my second and now really glad I stayed at 4. Four is the perfect balance for more time with kids while remaining a fully involved and appreciated colleague.

You’d be mad to give up a role you enjoy, short ish commute and WFH 3 days for a decent salary, to something low paid. I agree with making your life easier by out sourcing more.

I would try to go part time in your current role if possible. I did and don’t regret it for a second! I finish at 2.45 three days a week and it’s lovely to have that time to spend with my son. You can never have those years back again! Good luck whatever you decide x

This.
I think 60k ish is a low wage for an expensive part of the country. Would you be happy taking a lifestyle hit?
Once you make a big change it can be difficult to get back, but not impossible You say you’ll find school social hours, but that’s difficult. I’d stay where you are and drop a day.
it feels like too many big changes.
I became a SAHM and I’ve not managed to get back to work. Stay at work I say!!

If spending time with your little ones will bring you more peace and more happiness than a big wage packet, then no, you are not being unreasonable and you should still be able yo live within your means. I went 3 days after my second, she is 4 now but I am in no rush to go back to being full time we manage well on a small salary, perhaps when she is older the extra money would be nice, but for now being present and there for them is my ideal, not having to rely on others for school pick ups, to attend school concerts and to be able to drop tools and go if one of them were ill in school is also great. But I am lucky in that my husband is a farmer, he has a tiny wage but we can always fall back on the farm income if needed.

I’m not in the same position as we were, well are quite broke thanks to cost of living etc, so I HAVE to work full time, but, at first I dropped 10% of my hours (and salary) and worked 4 long days with Mondays off. Then when my child went to nursery, we could only use the funded 30 hours 9-3 Monday-Friday, meaning the long awaited for funded hours werent really going to save us any money, which we desperately needed. So I spoke to my manager and now do 2 long days WFH (8-5.15pm) and 3 short days (9.15-2.45) in the office, so back to 5 days a week. It feels like it’s the best of both worlds as I’m around for drop off and pick up everyday and 3 days DD can have all my attention as work has finished. I’m lucky that my company allowed it as I realise a lot wouldnt, but it works for us and I didnt have to leave a good job with a good company.

How easy do you think it will be to find a relatively well paying job around school hours? They are like gold dust, even with a pay cut…

PLEASE think very carefully about your pension and income later in life.

You would be foregoing contributing meaningful amounts to a pension at the point where it has plenty of time to compound.

What income do you think you need to live on at 65? How big is your pension pot now?

https://www.retirementlivingstandards.org.uk/
Look at this to look at what your income needs to be to have certain living standards in retirement and then look at what your pot needs to be to achieve that.

Please don't ignore this - a grim retirement is not something to ignore.

What you’re missing is that being in a senior well paid and flexible role will ultimately give you more time with your children than most situations. If your work is like mine, you’ll be able to wfh if they’re sick or nip out for a hour if they have school music performance or all these millions of things schools want you to attend (don't underestimate this!) Minimum wage jobs do not allow any time off unless it’s booked as holiday or unpaid. You will have no autonomy and you’re treated like a child

Four over five is never in your favour. You'll end up working longer hours trying to foresee everything. And on the day you aren't in, everybody who is looking for something will say 'Fieldmouse231 will be back in on Monday'.

I went back four days a week and ended up getting paid for four days and doing the work of five days.

If you like regularly spending the majority of the day with your kids, working five days a week is horrible for both you and the children.
Can you job share? That to me is the best of both worlds.

The other thing is many people with younger kids think kids need us more when they are young. I've found the opposite to be true. My kids are teens now and I can't even imagine not being there to listen to the trials and tribulations of their day when they come home from school. If anything they need me more but in an emotional (and far more exhausting way) than the physical need they needed me when they were younger.

Your husband is being mugged off doing long hours & a 90 min commute, travel etc for 50k. Usually jobs that expect such inflexibility with your family life pay a lot more. Your current job sounds like one to stick with.

Four over five is never in your favour. You'll end up working longer hours trying to foresee everything.

I do four over five and i love it. I do 4 days worth of work in the hours and it works well.

Difficult to find jobs which allow for drop off and pick up and also term time only. You’d be earning practically nothing

I changed career last year from a well paid job where i worked school hours from home, did 80+% of school pick ups and was there for my children all the time outside of school until the youngest was in their second year of high school.

I then changed to current role in a school and let me tell you that i am very glad i waited until the children were older to do this. There would be no way i would have been able to be there for my children as i was, with a job working in a school unless you can find a job that finishes at the same time as your childrens, but then you have all the inset days that you would need childcare cover for.

There's no right or wrong, it's about your chosen priority. Just as stepping away from an £80k a year employment would seem madness to some, choosing to be away from your young children for 4 or 5 days per week would be to others.
Personally I chose more time with my children but my career, even on part-time hours went from strength to strength. I loved being able to WFH flexibly, being there for school runs and attend events. Early years and Primary years are a lovely part of being a parent and I didn't want to miss out. I don't know what industry you are in but could you look to become a consultant picking up contracts, working from home on days of your choosing? I'd push for reduced and compressed hours in your current role when you return after having your second child. Possibly delay the second child a year to allow your husband to change employer if that would be better financially?

Apologies as I read (and replied) to it thinking it was five over four!

I would be looking at reducing my hours in my current job and a location that works better for you all. I don't think it sounds like that will be Bath. Two kids is a lot and ideally your husband will be around as much as possible.

Perhaps one thing to bear in mind is your husband is already on his second career so might he get bored again and move onto a third, starting at entry level salary each time. If you have given up work and by then have 2 children you might be a bit stretched. I wonder if scaling down while keeping your foot in the door will offer a bit more by way of insurance.

I agree with a lot of the comments on here, that you do need to try and think longer term. But I know it’s so hard juggling it all when they are little. Like many have said is there an opportunity to reduce your hours in your current job, 4 days or even 3 days if they would allow it?

OP please don't do it. I'm older than you as my kids are teens now.
I earn roughly the same as you and have similar good conditions in work: wfh, short commute, few days in the office. I also enjoy it. I don't think is easy to have all of that. Kids grow up very quickly and it makes a difference to have the money to pay for all those sports/ tournaments/ school trips/ experiences/ grinds or tutors they might need, etc. You can afford private health insurance. We did need it at some point, makes a big difference.
I do think is a mistake if you leave. Believe me, things might change (and when they do nobody expects that) and you will be so glad you kept your job. Best of luck.

I agree with seeking part-time hours from your current role.

Yes you probably will be expected to do almost as much work but it does still improve your work -life balance.

I felt like you. And the early years were hard but I'm really glad I stuck with it now. My kids are primary aged and above and I'm still part time. If I'd taken time out I'd be having to work more hours now. It was short term pain for long term gain.

Even one extra day gives flexibility to shift things around for school plays, sports day etc.

Personally I prefer longer days and full days off to school hours. Otherwise everything feels a constant rush.

When I couldn't do the school run I really felt I was missing out. Now I do it most of the time I realise that I wasn't.