AIBU to give up an £80,000 job to work part time school hours?

[fieldmouse231]

We live in London and have a one-year-old DS. I earn more than my husband (c.£30k more) and work for a supportive company where I can WFH three days a week; my commute is 50 minutes. I’m back at work full time, earn £80k, quite enjoy my job and am well regarded, but I’m not especially career-motivated.

Our son is in nursery. I do pick-ups and drop-offs four days a week as my husband has a 90-minute commute, long hours (construction industry) and needs to be in the office four days a week.

We have a small mortgage for London (c.£800pcm) and over £100k in savings between us.

We’re planning a second child and I’d really like to take a step back after my second maternity leave (if we’re lucky enough to have another). Ideally I’d work part-time around school hours so I could manage drop-offs and pick-ups, and potentially spend 2–3 days a week caring for the children before they start school.

We’d also love to move out of London for more space and a countryside lifestyle — currently considering Bath. This would likely mean giving up my current job or having a very long commute. My husband is very career-motivated (this is a second career for him) and keen to progress; his work is project-based and may involve staying away three nights a week depending on location.

I don’t want to stop working entirely — it’s important for my identity and self-confidence — but equally I feel strongly about being present for my children and running our household.

AIBU to give up my £80k job and (inevitably) take a much lower-paid role to prioritise time with my children and family life?

OP I would try and make your life in London work better for you somehow. Maybe by changing your hours or getting external support

Life is getting harder and harder. The job market is not now what it was even five years ago. And life is expensive. Small children cost nothing compared to kids at secondary school, and then University is another huge expense. Your children will be so grateful for the extra money when that time comes. I know mine certainly are.

Think very carefully. The grass is not always greener.

What a ludicrous statement. I have at least 3 friends I could name who have. One could never get back into a decent role again and now works p/t doing admin at a school. She was a brilliantly clever woman. They had to move to the back of beyond to live comfortably. And her husband is a decent earner. Another has been trying unsuccessfully to run a coaching business and regretting stepping away.

I think earning 80k while being able to WFH three days a week at a job that doesn't sound like it's burning you out and where you're well-regarded etc sounds like heaven. It sounds like you have a great cushy number there. Work is a lot harder and more unfair than that for most people. Count your blessings!

And you should bear in mind that most MW jobs will be taken over by AI very very soon. Obviously not care work or TA, but lots of the admin jobs you might be thinking of

you have doen remarkably well to be in the position you are in with your mortgage and savings at the age you are. do you mind me asking how you managed that?

This is what I did - after my mat leave I went back part time. Was told it would ruin my career progression but I honesty didn’t care. I wanted to keep some kind of work and the part time work option paid much better than school hour type roles. Your workplace might not be able to do this for but worth asking.

Don't do it. The paycut will be astronomical and, even with your savings, will create strain and tension.

It can be easy to fantasise about an easier or nicer work-life balance, but you said you enjoy your job, and you get to WFH part of the week. I think you'd be mad to give that up.

You'd probably feel differently about it if you ended up being spoken to like crap and treated as though you were thick as mince because you're 'only a part time admin' or 'just a jumped up TA' for the grand sum of about £1200 a month once part time hours and TTO are taken into account (you instantly lose 20% of the advertised salary through TTO and then they cut the day down so much that you can't work somewhere else but expect you to work unpaid 'for the children' everyday).

Schools can be lovely places to work, much like anywhere else, but they can equally be absolute cesspits of bullying and absolutely zero respect or recognition of ability or intelligence, particularly where support staff are concerned. You don't sound like you'd be particularly cut out for people speaking to you as though you're a particularly stupid child.

I’d ask your employer if you can do less hours, that way you keep your hand in and can up tick it again if you need the money

I would not move to the countryside until second child is in school at the earliest. Then you do have the flex to keep your current job.
Yes, cut down on hours but keep the job.

You might end up being able to keep a city home and a country home. Living in a house where DH finds it easier to commute has benefits of him seeing the children every day and participating in family life.

See how it all goes after the birth.

If you are sure you can afford it then go for it. I gave up a well paid job after DC2 to be a gardener, so I could be there for the children more. They are all grown up now and I’ve never regretted it. I loved being around for them and seeing them grow up. However, a couple of things to note. It was a one way street, I would not be able to get back into my old career as a middle aged woman, after a long absence from the industry. And we could afford the drop in income and pension as my DH earned more than me.

I personally wouldnt want to do that.

Can you do 4 days a week in current job? That's what i've done.

OMG you are in an enviable position. You have a relatively small mortgage, a huge amount of savings & both earn good salaries in jobs that you enjoy.

I'm wondering how your DH feels about this suggestion as he's on a second career which no doubt involved some study for him.

But if DH is up for it why not? Personally I wouldn't go for Bath though. if you want SW I'd go for Exeter as it's much better placed for trains with trains going to Paddington as well as Waterloo whereas, I understand, Bath Spa only goes to Waterloo, you can buy a lovely house within your price bracket & there are excellent schools. Bath is a bit out on a limb transport-wise, is also extremely expensive (unless you're living on the outskirts]
Edited for grammar

I did this OP. I didn’t give up my job but I stayed at the company, changed my role (demoted myself) so I could work part time. It was a big loss financially to us but one we have made other sacrifices to be able to afford. I have absolutely loved this time with my children before school and not regretted it once.

I suspect you don’t have much experience of working with AI …..

Erm yes I do. Why do you think not? I’ve seen first hand in my industry how many admin roles are now being automated. There has been lots of published research into this, including from DSIT. Roles at risk will be customer service, admin, supermarket workers, retail etc. Lots of minimum wage roles. Why do you think differently, can you explain?

www.forbes.com/sites/jackkelly/2024/10/28/how-ai-could-be-detrimental-to-low-wage-workers/

Can you and your DH, shave off a day off work each so both work 4 days and work flexibly to support drop off and pick ups. Also consider a nanny for the other days. I wouldn't be leaving my job but make it work somehow.

Apologies if I'm repeating as I haven't read the whole thread but are you aware how badly paid TAs are and how stressful the job can be?

It's barely above minimum wage, part time hours and term time only. They spread the pay over the year so you get paid monthly but you aren't paid for the school holidays. The advertised rates of pay in no way reflect the actual pay once it has been made pro rata.

For that I know TAs who have to plan and teach groups, cover lessons with no notice, deal with the children who have the most challenging behaviour and do medical stuff like administering insulin to diabetics which could be fatal if done wrong.

TAs also often have to work beyond the end of the school day (so can't pick up their own children) and can't get time off for Nativity plays, sports days etc.

I actually love the job I have now, in secondary, but I experienced most of the above working in primary school and the pressure put on us was unreal (having to produce data to show our interventions were effective for eg).

I just dont want you to have this idealistic idea of working as a TA being paid enough to live on and playing with children/washing paintbrushes. You actually have to really want to do it and ideally have an OH that earns enough for both of you.

Thanks everyone. If we do have a second child then I think I’ll explore the option of part time hours in the first instance, sounds the most realistic all things considered…

I reduced hours after my first to 21 hours a week, 3 day. After my second was starting school to 21 hours but 9.30 to 2.30 a day to work around school. I have recently gone back full time, my husbands job has recently got more flexible so he was able to do the school run. I loved my part time hours and being able to do the school runs.
would your current job change to part time?

Definitely a good idea to look at possibility of varying the hours, rather than leaving the company. Your job (and the company you work for) sounds amazing. I think it's pretty rare to have a supportive company, great salary, with the flexibility for WFH 3 days a week. I'd be holding on to that at all costs!!

I'm a B6 nurse (mid B6, so on £40k). My SALT colleagues are B5 - B7, working 8-4, Monday to Friday. This is in a large NHS hospital. Our roles are not very flexible!

@fieldmouse231 I earn more than my husband (c.£30k more)

This is the most important fact. Your earnings are colossal, and they are colossal compared to your husband's.

If I was your husband, I would be looking to reduce my hours and stay at home so I could support you continuing to work.

It makes no sense for a high earner to become the stay at home parent.

Hi @fieldmouse231 I’m the only one in my org in my role and I work 85% of a full time role over 4 days so my son is only in nursery 4 days. It’s often as you describe it.

That said, I still appreciate having that day. My partner does full time hours compressed into 4.5 days (he’s off half a day when I am) and it just gives us more family time and more me time.

I’m now considering whether I go full time when my son goes to school in September and really don’t know what’s best. School is a whole different kettle of fish.

I’m the lower earner by £30k

In your shoes I would not want a job with a long commute - Bath to London. V difficult when you have young kids if your partner is also working away, contract etc.

I would stay in London, negotiate fewer days in your current job with the convenience of WFH and good pro rata salary - and also keeping your foot on the promotion ladder for once the kids are in school.

With housing that you can easily afford you are free of the biggest barrier for young families in London.

And if you move out you will find it much harder, house price wise, to ever move back.

IME London is a brilliant place to bring up kids, everything close by, not driving everywhere, loads to do and much of it free, etc

Just move out of London into the green belt.