Being subjected to SM assault over a wallpaper

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I'm writing this with total incredulity.

A week or so ago I got invited to a friend-of-a-friend's house. The lady in question is clearly a Mrs Hinch type, but each to their own. I did notice wallpaper being unsealed around the cooker/sink area and POLITELY inquired about it. My DD was prem, with heavy lung issues, and one of the things nurses warned me about was wallpaper in the kitchen as a potential fungus/mould and toxin source. I didn't point this out, of course, just gently enquired if she plans to seal it.

She got a bit weird with me, apparently she wipes down her walls regularly, and don't I? Erm, that would make it worse with wallpaper, but I just smiled and nodded.

Now our mutual friend pointed out the absolute barrage of slander on SM. Apparently I was rude (wasn't, just lightly enquired about a sealant?) and "minging" for not cleaning my home properly (my home is kept clean to a post-NICU standard, IYKYK).

Safe to say, that person will be avoided at any cost in the future, but was I unreasonable?

Yes to all of this.

You were rude OP, and if you were so bizarrely concerned about your child being in a house with a little bit of peeling wallpaper then I'd suggest you also may have an issue with health anxiety.

You also haven't been assaulted.

You were rude. If you said it and she posted it on SM and people responded then there's not much you can do. It's not slander if it's true. And anyway it would be libel because it's in writing but it's not that either.
Maybe take a look at the comments about your home that you find so offensive and use it to learn how to talk to other people about theirs. Not so nice when it happens to you is it?
Most of us don't get into challenging other people's aesthetic, ND or not. Being ND isn't an excuse to be rude to people.

If I look around, most of my friends have very different home decor, to me and to each other. I really like some of them, others are ok, some I wouldn't choose myself. I always comment positively if asked, avoid giving my unsolicted opinions if not. Nobody ever really asks for your opinion on their new kitchen to be told it's crap.

That's not making you sound any better. She took it (not sure there was another way to) as a criticism.

not sure why you felt the need to ask when she was clearly happy with how it looked.

she is rude also for taking the argument on to social media though.

neither of you come across well here.

Being neurospicy is no excuse for being rude which you were.

Her going on social media to slag you off isn’t great either but I can see why she did it.

That question wouldn't have bothered me at all. People say much ruder things to me and my kitchen is as tired as I am.

You were a bit rude

Shes completely batshit

Block the loon and don’t give her and her dull house another thought

A single person cannot be ‘neurodiverse’ this makes no sense op.
Whether that person can be ‘neurospicy’ I have no idea. I don’t know what on earth it means, so that doesn’t make much sense either.
But anyway, yes, you were really rude.
Correct response to a house tour is ‘how lovely’.

Yeah, YABU. Definitely rude to say. Especially without any context as to why you said it. If I felt I must say something (which TBH I doubt i would) i would have probably said - what beautiful wallpaper, I love it. Oh no I just noticed that corner is peeling off, the NICU nurse told me to watch out for that as apparently it can cause mould. Then move on swiftly - what lovely carpet!

But TBH I dont think there is any good way of landing that message, particularly seeing someone you dont even know.

I wouldn't say something like this as it comes across as rude, however I wonder if a man had said it if he'd get away with it. I know someone who might say something like this and he gets away with things like this. I could also see men pointing this out to other men and it not resulting in this.

OP has kind of verbally been assaulted online on a social media platform. Is she an influencer?

But when you’re invited to someone else’s house surely the only thing you are is polite and not rude? Unless of course they behave badly to you in their home.

I wish people wouldn't say "Jesus" like that.

I wish for a gold plated rolls Royce.

I have just learned I am neurobland.

It wasn’t your home, op.
Unless she invited you to move in it’s totally bizarre that you’d consider anything in it that wouldn’t work for your daughter to be any of your business.
And what’s with the “polite” enquiry? It doesn’t make the question any less rude because you weren’t aggressive about it?!

Maybe you should have just explained the danger you were concerned about. As it was, she just heard a bitchy/rude comment and no explanation.

If it were just a short visit, there would be no risk. I expect the nurse meant actually having a wallpapered kitchen in your own house over a long period of time of time.I think you overreacted.

So was the wallpaper lifting? Was it waterproof wallpaper? I would be pretty annoyed if someone pointed out 'politely' that my wallpaper was peeling and was I going to fix it and implying it was dirty. It was probably waterproof washable wallpaper designed for kitchens and bathrooms, perhaps in need of a re-vamp but who wants to be told that by a virtual stranger.

The wallpaper study (from 2017) was done in India, it was more of a speculative reason to do further research than an actual study. The conclusion was simply that there have been no studies into it and perhaps there should be. There has been no follow up that I can find so presumably they never continued with it or at least never published anything notable about it again.
I can't see any reason why a UK nurse would be fixating on this one paper as a reason to give people advice on home decor.

It was odd of you to mention the sealing as a friend of a friend in her home for the first time, it comes off as pretty judgemental.

But if she's the sort of person who airs her dirty laundry on socials, I'd steer clear of her in future anyway. Haven't got enough time in my life for that kind of petty drama.

You are spot on. If my father-in-law made the wallpaper comment to my husband, he wouldnt bat an eyelid. It would just prompt a long discussion about wallpaper.

If one of my friends said it to me, I would be interested, and concerned that the decorators had overlooked something.

If my step-mother said it to me, I would be deeply offended and would assume she was having a sly dig (as she has previous form).

I don't think OP was being rude, she just misjudged the situation and made a social faux pas (who of us hasn't at some point?).

The Mrs Hinch wannabe, on the other hand, is completely insane and an embarrassment.

Your OP said 'I did notice wallpaper being unsealed around the cooker/sink area and POLITELY inquired about it.'

You didn't say she pointed it out.

It's a term coined by the autistic community online. It's a response to the phrase "It must be very mild," often said by a neurotypical person in response to a speaking autistic person sharing their diagnosis.

I'm autistic myself and I find it a bit twee, but I did find it funny the first time I heard it.

You think what you said was OK?

Really??