Being subjected to SM assault over a wallpaper

[ChangePrivacyQuestion]

I'm writing this with total incredulity.

A week or so ago I got invited to a friend-of-a-friend's house. The lady in question is clearly a Mrs Hinch type, but each to their own. I did notice wallpaper being unsealed around the cooker/sink area and POLITELY inquired about it. My DD was prem, with heavy lung issues, and one of the things nurses warned me about was wallpaper in the kitchen as a potential fungus/mould and toxin source. I didn't point this out, of course, just gently enquired if she plans to seal it.

She got a bit weird with me, apparently she wipes down her walls regularly, and don't I? Erm, that would make it worse with wallpaper, but I just smiled and nodded.

Now our mutual friend pointed out the absolute barrage of slander on SM. Apparently I was rude (wasn't, just lightly enquired about a sealant?) and "minging" for not cleaning my home properly (my home is kept clean to a post-NICU standard, IYKYK).

Safe to say, that person will be avoided at any cost in the future, but was I unreasonable?

I'd assumed that CompetitionMyArse
has hard surfaces in splashy areas and of course she washes them down

She's apologetic because you were rude.

No matter how kindly or politely you might have meant it, it's come across as rude and a criticism; pointing out something you feel is defective in her home. You've made someone who was kindly hosting you feel embarressed, belittled and probably you came across as condescending. I'd still apologise.

We don't all have hard surfaces.Some of us just have walls.

It's annoying when someone asks questions in a certain way isn't it Op 😬

You just smile and say how lovely everything is. No need to point out perceived defects.

Agree.

Some people have serious issues around "being clean" and others have serious issues around "being seen to be being clean".

Sounds like you touched a raw nerve with the wrong person and it has blown up.

You were rude.
You were there to nod nicely and drink your coffee, then leave

Classic mumsnet pile on. You can describe your diagnoses any way you like op. For future reference, the only acceptable comments to make on other people's kitchens are "oh, how lovely" etc.

I think you’re getting a bit of a hard time here OP. If I was asked the question you’ve quoted above I’d probably just say “oh is that recommended?” or similar then google it later. But then I’m not immensely house proud or a clean freak. There would be absolutely no SM post but might eye roll later when retelling story to my DH.

She sounds barking, you sound a bit blunt which goes with being neurodivergent. I wouldn’t ever comment on someone’s design choices but if it was something that would improve longevity I don’t see the problem in bringing it up especially something that would save money in the long run.

Walls are hard surfaces, no?
Hang on I'll check my kitchen walls.
Yep. They're hard.

I'm ND and this is the kind of thing I would notice, feel concerned about for the other person, and want to draw to their attention out of care for them - but that I have learnt to stay silent about because NT people are incapable of seeing things from any other perspective beside their own rigid rules about so-called politeness.

As evidenced by all the nasty and rude comments on here reprimanding you for your supposed lack of politeness. (Oh the irony.)

Yes, when someone gives you a house tour you absolutely don’t criticise anything unless she asks for an honest critique. Everything is lovely and what they’ve done is great.

Ok maybe it isn’t always true, but it’s a ‘would you rather be right or happy’ situation. My friend had the most hideous (to me) new 3 piece suite, no way was I going to make a negative comment and ruin the afternoon, no real difference to me what her sofa is like.

Of course it's not. This is the stuff you pretend not to see in other people's houses because you don't want to be a rude cow. Jesus, people need to start minding their own business a lot more.

Oh do behave.

‘NT people incapable of seeing others POV or outside their rigid ways of thinking’ (to précis) is as rude as the OP’s wallpaper comment.

"Assault" Really? You are both as bad as each other.

Unless you want everyone always introducing you as ‘This is Dragon, she’s ND so don’t mind her rudeness’, then you will have to accept that people will take rudeness at face value.

You shouldn’t have said anything

You were rude. Almost everyone has told you that, but you refuse to accept it and learn from it, so not really sure what you want from this thread.

You weren’t doing her any kind of favour by implying that she’s filling her house with mould because she hasn’t done something you think she should have done. You were being picky and patronising and a bit obsessive.

Was that just your example of your rudeness?

This is very good.

Really strange question to ask, I'd be very offended if someone I hardly knew asked me that in my home. But she was unreasonable putting it on SM.

Any OP who states that they “gently enquired” anything immediately raises my hackles 😁

I know that is unreasonable

but I always immediately roll my eyes at these “gentle” enquiries….

You’re being incredibly rude in this post as well.

Being ND doesn’t mean you’re never the one in the wrong.