Being subjected to SM assault over a wallpaper

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I'm writing this with total incredulity.

A week or so ago I got invited to a friend-of-a-friend's house. The lady in question is clearly a Mrs Hinch type, but each to their own. I did notice wallpaper being unsealed around the cooker/sink area and POLITELY inquired about it. My DD was prem, with heavy lung issues, and one of the things nurses warned me about was wallpaper in the kitchen as a potential fungus/mould and toxin source. I didn't point this out, of course, just gently enquired if she plans to seal it.

She got a bit weird with me, apparently she wipes down her walls regularly, and don't I? Erm, that would make it worse with wallpaper, but I just smiled and nodded.

Now our mutual friend pointed out the absolute barrage of slander on SM. Apparently I was rude (wasn't, just lightly enquired about a sealant?) and "minging" for not cleaning my home properly (my home is kept clean to a post-NICU standard, IYKYK).

Safe to say, that person will be avoided at any cost in the future, but was I unreasonable?

OP said she was diagnosed by a NHS professional as having ASD and ADHD.

More unimpressed with "Big cringe" from an adult.

It's used a lot by those of us that aren't necessarily one obvious diagnosis. I for example have been diagnosed with ADHD and am bipolar, dyslexic and dyspraxic. Possibly also ADD. Generally speaking, I can't be asked to write that down. Not neurotypical makes me feel shit so prefer neurospicy.

You were rude. It’s one thing to point it out to an established friend, but not to an acquaintance you don’t know. She was showing you something she was proud of, not asking for a critique.

The nuances of social dynamics may be illogical to you, but that doesn’t mean they’re unimportant. Not if you want to avoid conflict, anyway.

I have a 'friend' who just cannot keep her mouth shut about things when she thinks they are wrong or out of place. She hasnt been able to take on board that she's been rude and socially clumsy either. We started out in the same large social group together. We've been patient and understanding but there's only so much people can be expected to tolerate. Because she isn't prepared to learn, she has gradually annoyed everyone to the extent that only a very small number of us can tolerate her now (in small doses) and even that number is diminishing. So she'll always be 'right' but she's also increasingly lonely, which is a real shame.

Nicely - next time think twice. Your dd's lung problems are not really relevant to a friend of a friend.

Is there a diagnosis of "neurospicy" now btw? It sounds made up.

An ‘overeaction’? Not a physical attack or the threatening of one!

A slap in the face or a punch in your stomach would be assault - semantics, meh

Wouldn’t neurodivergent do?

Not suggesting you can’t use neurospicy if that’s your choice!

Just wondering what’s wrong with neurodivergent?

That’s what many in your situation use but you didn’t mention it at all so I’m wondering if there’s a particular reason you don’t like it. Most people don’t say ‘not neurotypical’.

It seems to be a non technical often self applied term for being neurodivergent.

A pp said it developed as a reaction to the ‘oh you must be mild’ reactions people sometimes get when they disclose their autism. I can understand it from that point of view.

Use it how you want, well think what we want

🤣

It’s unusual to have wallpaper in a kitchen I’ll grant you. The trouble is that it’s so unusual, that I’m having a very hard time, believing that a NICU nurse would specifically warn you about it.

Okay so I just googled neurospicy and it seems it's nothing more than the latest buzzword word to describe someone who is AuDHD or similarly neurodivergent.

As people who have a somewhat confrontational, argumentative, blunt or outspoken style are often said to be 'spicy' or 'salty' I made that connection with the word 'neurospicy'. We all know that a classic trait of autism and or ADHD in many people can be no tact filter and a blunt way of speaking that can come across as rude or inappropriate. So it wasn't much of a leap to make.

However, it seems it's not the case, so I'm happy to hold up my hands and say I was wrong. I think it's a very inapt buzzword though. Perhaps people should just stick with neurodivergent. Neurospicy is giving misleading vibes.

Neurospicy. Fk me.

Crikey OP you’re getting an (undeserved imo) hard time on here. All you were trying to do was advise her a little on how it’s a good idea to have wallpaper sealed if it’s near water. You were trying to help. People (especially British people) are so worried about upsetting others that it stops them being honest. Stuffed shirts and all that, it’s ridiculous.

And so what if you refer to yourself as neurospicy. It’s your condition, you can call it what you want. You can call it a neurocurry for all I care.

And who the fuck has wallpaper in their kitchen anyway???

YANBU. And the Mrs Hinch is batshit and deranged.

I'm not trying to impress you.

If we’re being pedantic it’s “neurodiverse” not neurodivergent“.

That has cheered me up

Is it just me who didn’t know about sealing wallpaper? I thought you just pasted it onto the wall and that was it. I don’t have wallpaper in my kitchen though..

Well it used to be neurodiverse, for all of about 2 years, but just as we all became accustomed to saying that in place of whatever else it was we were previously encouraged to say, suddenly the people who make the arbitrary rules about these things (and like to police the speech of the rest of us) seem decisively and emphatically to have switched to the use of neurodivergent. I'm pretty sure I'm not imagining it.

It’s neurodivergent if you’re talking about a particular person; neurotypical or neurodivergent.
Neurodiversity is the concept as a whole.

Neurodiverse is when you’re referring to everyone. E.g. “They were a neurodiverse group; some were autistic, some had adhd, some were neurotypical”.

People often mistakenly say neurodiverse when they mean neurodivergent though.

All you were trying to do was advise her a little on how it’s a good idea to have wallpaper sealed if it’s near water

But nobody had asked for advice. Unsolicited advice like that doesn't come across as well-meaning. It comes across as criticism and negativity and possibly a strong sense of superiority over others (and, if it stems from a strong conviction that unsealed wallpaper is going to kill people with 'toxins', also a degree of paranoia/obsession).