Being subjected to SM assault over a wallpaper

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I'm writing this with total incredulity.

A week or so ago I got invited to a friend-of-a-friend's house. The lady in question is clearly a Mrs Hinch type, but each to their own. I did notice wallpaper being unsealed around the cooker/sink area and POLITELY inquired about it. My DD was prem, with heavy lung issues, and one of the things nurses warned me about was wallpaper in the kitchen as a potential fungus/mould and toxin source. I didn't point this out, of course, just gently enquired if she plans to seal it.

She got a bit weird with me, apparently she wipes down her walls regularly, and don't I? Erm, that would make it worse with wallpaper, but I just smiled and nodded.

Now our mutual friend pointed out the absolute barrage of slander on SM. Apparently I was rude (wasn't, just lightly enquired about a sealant?) and "minging" for not cleaning my home properly (my home is kept clean to a post-NICU standard, IYKYK).

Safe to say, that person will be avoided at any cost in the future, but was I unreasonable?

1: what does it matter how someone else chooses to decorate their house. It doesn’t affect you in the slightest.

2: why care about what folk post on social media? She obviously enjoys posting shite and you gave her the opportunity to have a rant. She’s probably secretly pleased to have an opportunity to grab some attention. 😂

3: there’s definitely a bunch of weirdos who like to mention that their kid was in nicu as if it’s a badge of honour. I know two acquaintances (they don’t know each other), who drop it into conversation when it’s not remotely relevant and both their kids are teens now. 🤔

What does your mutual friend say about it? If she is an old friend of the woman you insulted she must be fairly embarrassed by the whole situation.

Well, I suppose it depends on how many people on her social media know you.
Realistically, you probably did come across as quite rude and/or judgemental but we all say things that we wish we hadn’t. I’ve said something to somebody this morning that I wish I hadn’t. Although my DH is telling me that I’m overthinking that.
Just try and put it out of your head. She’s overreacted and I would imagine that most of the people that will see that post will also think she’s overreacted.
In future, if somebody shows you something like that just smile and nod.

Absolutely everyone involved in this non-issue is being unreasonable!

On your 3rd point: I'm not (and probably they aren't either) a health professional, but you do pick up a lot that way, and it's hard to describe how you know medical things like that when you're not a medical professional.

But nobody else would recognise you so it is hardly slander. You sound very angry OP. It isn't worth it.

As I tell my autistic son: something being true doesn’t necessarily mean you need to say it.

OP, in your case, you have to acknowledge that regardless of your intentions, you were rude to her.

She's concerned and supportive. Says she can see why I asked that. Maybe not how I asked it. But she's apologetic on the other woman's behalf, although I'm bewildered as to why she's apologetic???

You were very rude.

why on earth would you ask such a thing of a friend of a friend who you barely know? What’s it to you?

And then you looked like a total arsehole by “smiling and nodding” when she replied why on earth would you do that? You brought it up, so own it.

About the NICU point, my mother was still using that as an excuse for my sister's behaviour when she was a teenager and then as a grown adult and married woman with a child of her own.

My mum told me my sister's birth story about a hundred thousand times when I was a child.
About how bad she was, how ill she was how little she was.And the horrible birth story.

Reminded my mother when I was a grown up that she'd never once told me mine just my sisters as a way of excusing her behaviour. My mum looked flummux, and had nothing to say about my birth story even then.

It's so weird isn't it.

Because it’s her friend and she introduced you and now you’re upset. That’s why she’s apologetic.

Everyone involved is wrong

Your comment doesn't sound unreasonable to me. If it's a new/newly renovated kitchen there may be small spots that were overlooked and not finished off properly. A friend of mine has recently been through similar, still finding little things that need to be finished. She should be appreciative of you pointing it out so she can get it checked/finished.

Sounds odd to me to have wallpaper near a cooker/sinker anyway.

Its really not necessary to point out little flaws in other people's homes
You were rude op

It isn't slander if it's written down. It's libel.

Well this is the weirdest post I've read in a long time.

1. Who uses wallpaper around a sink and a cooker?

2. Who seals their wallpaper? And how do you even seal wallpaper for that matter? I've been on this planet for 60 years, I've lived in umpteen houses and done several renovations, lots of decorating and I've never heard of sealing wallpaper.

3. How could you tell it wasn't sealed? Did you run your fingers over it to inspect it? No wonder she thought you were weird/rude.

4. Who 'wipes down' their wallpaper regularly?

5. Who calls someone else 'minging' for wanting wallpaper to be sealed and/or for not regularly wiping it?

So many questions.

Oh please bring back the 🤣 icon!

I don't believe she gave a tour of her kitchen and pointed out the wallpaper.
Anyway even if she did, you were rude to go into someones home, someone you don't even know very well and make comments about their home.

Wrong? They are not just wrong, they are mad. Everyone involved is mad.

Whos she concerned about? Id assume both of you?…

You visited a house that was crawling with fungi. The cause being the wallpaper.

Your link leads me to believe so. Or are you being dramatic?

I okay occasionally need to wipe down my kitchen walls. Especially behind the sink, because you get splashed back from things. Even in areas where you make tea coffee, little splashes get on things.

Do you honestly never wipe anything off your walls? Manage to keep them so scrupulously clean, even in an area where food is being prepared. Or unless you have an absolutely massive kitchen.

I guess if you have wallpaper.And they get splashes on them.You need to wipe it off.

She’s probably being equally apologetic to the other friend about how rude you were. Poor woman is stuck in the middle between you being rude and starting the whole mess, and the other woman overreacting to it.

Exactly

I like when people say they’re neurospicy, it generally explains a lot of what went on (like this post).