Being subjected to SM assault over a wallpaper

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I'm writing this with total incredulity.

A week or so ago I got invited to a friend-of-a-friend's house. The lady in question is clearly a Mrs Hinch type, but each to their own. I did notice wallpaper being unsealed around the cooker/sink area and POLITELY inquired about it. My DD was prem, with heavy lung issues, and one of the things nurses warned me about was wallpaper in the kitchen as a potential fungus/mould and toxin source. I didn't point this out, of course, just gently enquired if she plans to seal it.

She got a bit weird with me, apparently she wipes down her walls regularly, and don't I? Erm, that would make it worse with wallpaper, but I just smiled and nodded.

Now our mutual friend pointed out the absolute barrage of slander on SM. Apparently I was rude (wasn't, just lightly enquired about a sealant?) and "minging" for not cleaning my home properly (my home is kept clean to a post-NICU standard, IYKYK).

Safe to say, that person will be avoided at any cost in the future, but was I unreasonable?

YANBU

I would have done the same.

If I felt she was a friend I would hope for her to avoid any issues.

It wouldnt be a criticism and would only tell the people I care about.

If she took it the wrong way and decided on a rant on FB then she overreacted.

I would give her a wide berth in the future as she sounds unhinged.

You were colossally rude when in someone’s house for the first time and massively offended you host. You could apologise?

No, an NHS professional diagnosed me as ASD+ADHD. I preferred to use neurospicy in this context. Are you always this disingenuous?

I am when people use ridiculous terms like neurospicy, yes.

You were being helpful and her pride is blinding her from seeing that.

P.S I also cringe at neurospicy, sorry. I think it's because spicy is also used to describe kink.

Might have done before if she talked directly to me instead of ranting online. Not a chance now.

It’s the new trendy term for:

people with autuism
people with adhd
people who believe they might have either of the above

as a person who has a serious neurological disorder it annoys the fuck out of me as it tends to be used by the type of person who is actually pretty functional in day to day life and is frequently used by people who in fact have no diagnosis of anything nor are likely to get one.

having said that my daughter with AuDHD uses it. I try not to wince too hard when she does.

And to each their own.

I just knew you would be quirky too.

100% this, eve if you thought house looked terrible throughout, you are jsut meant to make the right noises in this situation.

Okay, thanks, never heard it before. DS is neurodivergent as is a close friend so we move in those circles. We’re not in the UK though. I don’t particularly like neurospicy tbh, not that that should matter to you of course. To me it seems facetious.

The social mis-step is understandable now though.

Dopey knickers need a kick up the arse and to grow up for slandering over something so trival.
You need to engage brain before opening mouth, I smile and wave, I say that's nice, even if I think it's total shite.

Dont describe yourself as that. It makes you sound like you’re 5.

Also what you said
did they not recommend sealing the wallpaper around wet areas?

VS what you should have said
what a beautiful home. It’s a lovely kitchen.

Well yes, if she's a Mrs Hinch type then she takes pride in her housekeeping, cleaning and decoration. She was only ever going to take offence at any kind of criticism. Although if she's proudly showing things off to a bunch of visitors, she probably should have made sure it was meticulous. You've embarrassed her and now she's made is public to rally the troops to tell her what an amazing person she is for having a show home.

She sounds a bit unhinged - best avoided in life, and on SM. Who gives tours of their kitchen? 🙄

I dont understand. Were you viewing this house to buy or have?I understood it correctly that you just went there once with your baby to visit this person?

Why would your baby be lying on the floor close to damp walls and breathing it in? Did you think there was so much mould and damp in the air that the wallpaper was peeling because of it. There would have been a lot greater signs of mould and damp than that.

Why would your baby be spending anytime in the kitchen at all.

I wouldn't have taken to social media to be rude about you, but I would have looked askance at you and made a mental note never to invite you back after humouring you.

Telling ND people how to describe themselves is not nice. You may not like it, you're certainly not required to use it, and that's ok, but if it sits right with me, then I'll use it.

Is it because you feel she shamed you in public? Presumably she feels you shamed her in her home. How many people witnessed your gaff? Do you not care at all that someone welcomed you into their home and you upset them?

There was one other person there, our mutual friend.

Maybe because ND or neurospicy isn't a formal diagnosis.

If you're autistic say, so because the rest isn't a diagnosis, it's traits. It's only so it's taken more seriously, that's all.

This. You don't walk in someone's house and point what you see as a problem area.

Not unless they're your bestie and you know how they're going to take it.

OP, did she name you in the post?

No, but she put things in the post that you'd definitely recognise me by.

I think sometimes people with any sort of diagnosis own it in their own way. Different sort of condition but my husband has a physical disability and will refer to himself as a cripple which makes me wince but it's his condition not mine. He has a friend he goes out with occasionally, both old men with walking sticks. They will then refer to themselves as lollipop men - men on sticks. I guess it's just how they, your daughter and the OP deal with things.

You were both unreasonable. Your gentle' enquiry would come over as a passive aggressive judgement. Her SM response is OTT. An eyeroll would have been sufficient.