What should I say to my 19 year old daughter who has already decided that she hates men?

[JMSA]

I don’t know, I guess it just saddens me that she holds this negative view of the world already. I received this text from her tonight:

I feel so enraged by the Epstein files. It is like documented proof men are evil. This is what men will do when they have power and think they will get away with it because that’s their nature. The poor woman and kids, it’s sick.

I’m fed up of saying ‘it’s not all men’.
She really hasn’t known many nice teenage boys. I daresay social media has heavily coloured her view too. I don’t want to dismiss her feelings but don’t want to encourage the notion that all men are evil!

Looking at the stats and the way women are treated generally men are bloody lucky we go anywhere near them.

Well considering pretty much every news story I read last week was about women and young girls either being beaten up or killed, I can’t say I disagree with her.

Also, women who hate men don't tend to go on murder sprees. Of course there's the odd case like Aileen Wurnos. But there's a rise in incels committing spree shootings over the past decade.

Why is marrying a man the ultimate goal?

Can you explain why the 'first post nails it'?
Why referencing the crimes committed by one woman decades ago, or even scratching around to find a handful of contemporary examples of women criminals is an appropriate answer to a young woman talking about the problem caused by male behaviour patterns? Which are after all, well recognised as being problems by government, police, and most aware members of society. Including men, who have the greatest likelihood of being murdered by other men.
Why should the existence of Myra Hindley make the DD review her opinion of men? You give me Myra Hindley, i raise you Ian Brady (and countless other men, outnumbering women murderers a thousand fold)
If this was a thread about dangerous dogs and the first poster piped up about being bitten by an unpleasant gerbil, would you think they'd 'nailed' the debate and proved there was no reason to fear or dislike dogs?

Two women a week die at the hands of men. 98% of sexual assaults are committed by men (ONS statistics) She is super smart OP. The fact I have an awesome Partner doesn’t make me look away from the facts.

Nothing about this days she hates men. It says she is wise beyond her years as most of only come to this conclusion after years as unpaid labour in a marriage and subsequently divorce. in today's society shes not wrong for her way of thinking at all. Marriage and serious relationships shouldn't be the end goal for women.

“Out of ten men, one makes a sexual joke at a woman, two laugh, three fake a chuckle to fit in, and four stay silent. None of them speak up. Later, nine of them still believe they're the
"good guys." But from the woman's perspective, the laughter, the silence, the looking away, it all creates the same environment. So when women say "most men are the same," this is what they mean: not that every man harasses women, but that most men help protect the system that does.”

This anonymous post from FB sums up the situation perfectly.

I'm with your daughter! I hate men too, other than my husband and maybe about 3 mates.

Being over cautious means she has a better chance of not being raped, abused or killed.

So she doesn’t get married or bear children. Even stays single.

Oh well. Oh dear. Never mind.

I think women need to stop thinking marriage and children are the prize.

It’s far too risky not to use a lot of caution when it comes to getting involved with men.

What about the women like Hilary Clinton etc that were on the Island. All this man bashing makes me sick. I’ll bet most of the women rely on a man. I never have but still think that men are being severely punished.

It’s not. I would assume that most women have many, many other and more valuable goals.

However if men are to be at least suspected/wary of, why would we be living with them, having families with them, creating more of them?

Skipping to the end a bit here, if we all had that attitude, and the people before us did, none of us would be here.

It’s not that it’s a prize, I adopted my son and don’t have any biological children of my own, so that’s evidently not my attitude.

It’s that we would literally eradicate ourselves out of fear of what could be.

List the women.

You don't have to correct her, just acknowledge you are hearing her perspective.
I am reminded of a mum pushing her complaining son on the swing. He was moaning about the unfairness of something or the other and she said "Is that how it feels darling" - It made me laugh. It acknowledged what was being said without actually agreeing it was true. We use that sort of phrasing a lot at our house when we don't want to get into some sort of oppositional discussion.

Then he is not so decent, is he. Decent men dont cheat

Smart kid. She's got her head screwed on right. Better to be suspicious of men than a pick me or people pleaser.

It is better for her to be aware of how many predators there are in the world and to be clear about the damage that patriarchy is doing to women and girls.

You should be pleased that she is not naive but interacts with men with her eyes wide open.

Good for her.

Frankly I woukd be proud to have a daughter like her.

Eradicate ourselves? Don’t be daft.

Because we believe in them. We trust them.

More fool us. Do you ignore the statistics of violence against women and children by men?

It is constant and relentless.

I don't believe all mem have that potential, bit I think women should be aware & careful when seeking a husband.

It's worth noting that women often didn't have much choice about marriage & kids for many centuries, even though into the 18th century childbirth was a leading cause of death for women, men could legally rape and often physically chastise their wives to some extent etc

I think if it could be the nice ones we don’t expect, then I’m not sure how helpful that would be.

We could presume that even the nice ones might one day kill us, which would reasonably mean we should just avoid men. But that’s going to have a real impact on the growth of the population.

We’re not baby making machines, and nobody has to have them, but if we all avoided men because we can’t be sure, nobody would be having any.

Personally I prefer to trust that the man I choose to commit to, and the one I choose to raise, won’t one day kill me, and I don’t want to live a life wary of the whole male population.

You would be very careless not to be wary of the whole male population. Because you cannot discern which men are abusive and which are not. Like most normal people.

And it’s okay if the human birth rate declines a lot. Plant Earth might survive if there are fewer humans.

Do you ever get the feeling some posters can’t see the wood for the trees? I hope they don’t have daughters…..

She doesn’t sound jaded. She just sounds very aware of what women and girls the world over have to suffer at the hands of men.
Sure it’s not all men but so so many of them.