What should I say to my 19 year old daughter who has already decided that she hates men?

[JMSA]

I don’t know, I guess it just saddens me that she holds this negative view of the world already. I received this text from her tonight:

I feel so enraged by the Epstein files. It is like documented proof men are evil. This is what men will do when they have power and think they will get away with it because that’s their nature. The poor woman and kids, it’s sick.

I’m fed up of saying ‘it’s not all men’.
She really hasn’t known many nice teenage boys. I daresay social media has heavily coloured her view too. I don’t want to dismiss her feelings but don’t want to encourage the notion that all men are evil!

My daughter is 18 and hates men too, I don't blame her to be honest.
I'm happily married to her dad for over 20yrs so its not our influence.

My word at the comments since i posted.

Billions of people in the world, BILLIONS of good normal people. BILLIONS of people who wouldnt harm or wish harm on anyone. MILLIONS married for decades with kids and dying happy.

What i see from these comments is toxic feminism or people who cant set their own standards. Your ruining our youth with these thoughts. Making you people scared to go outside will only make them anxious and never get a job and have a good life. They will be stuck on benifits living with mom and dad.

One person here said 'i hate all men' EXCEPT MY HUSBAND. What level of normal was that comment.

We merely look at the evidence.

It looks really bad.

Ruining our youth? What rot. Every single woman should be very cautious when engaging with men.

Why? Because the numbers speak for themselves.

Could you by any chance be a man? Dismissing women’s fears and concerns? Stands to reason.

It is an awful realisation.
I was sexually assaulted in my teens. My word against his. CPS dropped it quite early on. The police officers were actually nice and I was treated as I should have been.
The amount of young women around me who simply couldn't believe my attacker would do such a thing was eye opening.
Later on in life I was mugged coming out of work. (By a man) for my work laptop.
Add in all of the verbal abuse, gropes on night outs, stares and intimidation in public situations - doesn't paint a great situation does it?
Too many women have similar stories. I personally know women going through DV situations right now. Almost all of my friends have a story of SA or harassment.

I am a happily married woman. I have been with my DH for 18 years. He is the best thing to ever happen to me. That doesn't make me any less wary of MEN and the danger they pose. I hope your daughter finds happiness in whatever form it comes in. We are far beyond that being in marriage and babies only though.

Hi as a man there are a few things that come into my mind on this. Although this man was pure evil he also had help from another individual of equal blame, a woman who is now where she belongs jail. People cannot operate this type of crime while all the time people including women stay silent. It might be good to point out that powerful woman have and do commit crime. She is only 19 and her views will probably change. The other thing and more worrying has she come across this in her personal life as her views seem to be excessive?

PS may I also add that when it's a woman it goes unreported.

interesting. Say more?

But look at the numbers of men vs women committing these crimes.

come off it. There is no comparison. Men are by far the perpetrators of the vast majority of crime. Whether they have a female accomplice or not.

Men on this thread saying this 19 year old woman has extreme views are risible.

Come off it? Are woman are not just as guilty through silence? Also I personally have been out when woman are on the rampage. Drinking, fighting with anything that moves. Don't just blame the men. On the other hand if anyone abused the women in my family I would end up where Maxwell is. Men, women or whatever the woke world calls them these days have no right to cause harm to others. Not that this would interest you but I was a truck driver delivering to women's prisons they are vile violent nasty pieces of work but then it's probably men that made them way in your book.

We still call them men and women. And one of them is far more likely to kill or hurt the other.

We still call them men and women. And one of them is far more likely to kill or hurt the other.

Exactly. That's the bit men like @Geoff1960 often ignore

I’ve had far more problems with other women than men. The man hate on here is out of control

She is not fully mature yet. Young people with still developing brains can be very black and white in their thinking. I’m sure she’ll develop some nuance in the future.

That’s quite a big claim Geoff, do you have evidence for that?

Savvy girl, I wish I had been that savvy, at that age, would never have had anything to do with men.

Better contact the government then and tell them we don't need a multi agency initiative to tackle the epidemic of MVAWG, because you think women are meaner.

How many men do women kill per week?
What percentage of men have been sexually harassed or assaulted multiple times since they were a teenager?

We still call them men and women. How many women are in prison for violent offenses? How many men?

Pretty condescending. I'm 41 and I share her views. Is my brain still developing?

Why do you think it is ‘condescending’ to point out known facts about brain development and maturity?

I have no idea what the status of your brain development is, 25 is the age of full brain maturity for most but I don’t know you so I can’t comment.

Most adults have a degree of nuance with views like this - understanding that in the world there are men of all types, good, bad and indifferent. OP is frustrated because her DD does not appear to have that level of nuanced in her view hence my observation of the black and white thinking common at her age.

I’d be surprised if at 41 you had the same level of critical thinking as a 19 year old but each to their own I guess.

No nuance is required to know that men commit the vast majority of violent crimes and those against women and girls.

Facts.

I can’t engage with the “I hate men” brigade at all.
If this was my DD, I would be worried she lacked perspective.

I know the crime stats but you do know that not all men are criminals though, right?

That there are many good men out there? Or are you saying that good men don’t exist? Which if you are, shows rather a lack of nuance and quite a lot of mindless prejudice. Or you are 19.

Dear Lord.

we know that not all men are criminals.

we just don’t know which ones.

hence the need for caution.

when you have cases like Gisele Pelicot where she was raped for years by hundreds of ordinary apparently good men, some of whom even refuse to recognise what they did was rape, it makes you wonder what ordinary men would do if they could get away with it.

do you understand?

Yes. Yes. No.

The problem is that it’s impossible to tell which are the good men just by looking. And while not all men are “bad” a depressing number of the good guys by without challenging the “bad” ones.
“Out of ten men, one makes a sexual joke at a woman, two laugh, three fake a chuckle to fit in, and four stay silent. None of them speak up. Later, nine of them still believe they're the
"good guys." But from the woman's perspective, the laughter, the silence, the looking away, it all creates the same environment. So when women say "most men are the same," this is what they mean: not that every man harasses women, but that most men help protect the system that does.”