How do intelligent parents cope if their child isn't very good at school?

[ThisLittlePiggyHasEatenAllOfTheJaffaCakes]

I'll just start by saying I know that we all have our own strengths and weaknesses and that is great. We love our DC no matter what but just want a more financially comfortable start than we had.
We are really struggling to get our DC up to a level whereby they are going to pass any GCSEs but especially Maths and English. We have tried all different kinds of revision techniques but our 'style' does not seem to match with DC. We end up falling out and I don't want that.
Sadly finances do not allow for a Tutor.
Has anyone got any suggestions? Or do we just say "do your best" and do resits if needed?

They usually bully the school and insist it’s the inadequacy of the teaching and learning at the school that means their kid isn’t Einstein.

Or put the child on the massive waiting list for the ‘naice’ school on the other side of the borough and appeal their non-admission, ad nauseam.

Or accept the fact their child is happy in their own skin and are good at things that don’t require academic excellence

So only ‘intelligent people’ make a contribution to the world?

‘Vat raid’? How about businesses like private schools stop pretending to be charities and pay their fair whack in taxes.

And if some close down ? Oh dear, how sad, never mind.

are you so sure about why you are so burdened?

They have the potential to contribute more.

Why tax education and learning? Something that's a benefit to society?

What a horrible comment for the go to make. Even if someone has a very low iq and/or learning disabilities, no one should speak in this blokey, jokey manner, especially to the child's parents. I'm glad you were given the correct diagnosis for your son's difficulties as knowing what the problem is makes a big difference when it comes to getting the best help.

Education does benefit society, but education is available without paying a private school for it.

It doesn’t benefit me in any
way whatsoever whether someone went to Eton, or the local comp. There is no increased benefit to “society” as a whole.

Surely our brightest minds would thrive wherever they are. If not, they’re probably not all that bright after all.

So the " brightest minds" will do just as well in a school where they are beaten up for being boffins? Or have to worry about physical or sexual abuse constantly.

I doubt they would thrive in those situations. Especially when the teachers spend 9p % of time on crowd cobtrol

Spend what on what?

Sexual and physical assault aren’t limited to state education, and yes - if you really are the most able, you’d be as committed to that learning whatever school you were in.

90% of their time on crowd control

Do you really think that the kids will make themselves unpopular to learn? You've obviously not been in many sink schools

Maybe we shouldn’t bother educating them?

Private education benefits solely the rich — and they can afford to pay

So unintelligent people don’t contribute ?

Home educated my son through gcses and found it really important to understand what worked for him. For example he couldn’t bear to do repetition once he understood something. He struggled with this in school because they would do stuff like give them 30 maths questions to write out in full and you had to answer those before you could move on to the more difficult ones. He was so bored and a slow writer so never made it to the higher level questions he could also do and which would have challenged and interested him. He would never do a revision book because it meant wading through the stuff he already knew.

To revise/prepare for exams, particularly in maths and science, he would do past papers and then look up how to do the bits he struggled with. It’s harder with essay type questions but understanding the syllabus and looking at example answers can be immensely helpful. If you are intelligent parents, you will be able to help him navigate this. Make sure you know which board and papers he is sitting.

The other thing that helped DS to focus was knowing what he wanted to do next and what he needed to do to get there. We even went to look at a uni in year 10! He needed 5 gcses at grade 4 and above to get onto his chosen level 3 college course so that’s what we aimed for and he got them and got his place. He is now at that uni!

Whether he’s labelled SEN or not is completely irrelevant. He is still unable to pass the exams and the OP is asking how she comes to terms with that. He’s not going to be able waltz into a job and say oh I haven’t got GCSE maths but it’s ok I’m SEN.

Do you not think a private school that a poorer child got a scholarship to ( I know not many these days) didn't benefit then then?

There are college courses for everyone no matter what their grades, look into level 2 qualifications for example. Then they study maths and English alongside their subject and can go on to study the next level up.

It can be worrying when your child looks like they are "failing" but the reality is that there are pathways for everyone, and also exams and qualifications can be taken at any point in life. The usual timeframe isn't the only timeframe.

My daughter has a health condition such has affected her ability to study and follow the usual timeframe and I've learned to come to terms with this and accept that her life looks different to most of her peers', and that's ok.

What helped my daughter go from a grade 2 in maths to a 5 was one to one tuition. I know you say you can't afford it but you don't need much, DD had 2 hours a week of each and that was all she had as she wasn't going to school at that point.

I w ok by say I’m very intelligent but I am a very hard worker and both myself and dh have degrees. Dh is a genius and we have a range in our children. The one who really didn’t try we’d sit with and try and help/ coach etc but were just happy he passed (scraped!!!) in the end and now happy he’s happy in his job on a golf course (none of us into golf!). We were always adamant they were all going to college until he had a tough time mid school and then realised it’s all about being happy (and staying alive as we had a very tough time at one point).

I went to one.

It was actually literally sinking. It was built onto marsh land and was slowly sinking. My school was so crap, it’s now shut down. We had a smoking, and a drugs corner. Fights involved weapons, and at one point the police patrolled at break time.

However, I did also leave with decent grades, went and got A Levels, then went onto uni for a degree and 2 postgrad qualifications.

Care to explain why the kids of rich people can’t do the same? Or is the idea that they can, but shouldn’t have to because they’ve got money?

A few crumbs from the top table do not justify the private school system

Well your a rarity then or had support at home. One or both.

What's kids of rich people got to do with it?

But made a great difference to those kids.

Having attended both private and state school systems I've probably got a more balanced view than many on here

Care to explain why the kids of rich people can’t do the same?

Why should they?? they possibly can, or cannot, but you see yourself how bad your experience was, why do other kids have to endure it? isn't this a basic parental responsibility to give their kids the best educational experience they can? and what is your proposal - to make if bad for everyone?

No.

It’s to make decent education in schools that aren’t sinking, in both varieties, available to everyone and not just those who can afford it.

@Thechaseison71 - I’m neither. My mum is completely unacademic, and I’m not rare. I know lots of successful people - only 2 of them privately educated. They’re 2 of the least socialised people I’ve ever met. Completely unaware of the world outside of their bubble, and completely out of touch.