How do intelligent parents cope if their child isn't very good at school?

[ThisLittlePiggyHasEatenAllOfTheJaffaCakes]

I'll just start by saying I know that we all have our own strengths and weaknesses and that is great. We love our DC no matter what but just want a more financially comfortable start than we had.
We are really struggling to get our DC up to a level whereby they are going to pass any GCSEs but especially Maths and English. We have tried all different kinds of revision techniques but our 'style' does not seem to match with DC. We end up falling out and I don't want that.
Sadly finances do not allow for a Tutor.
Has anyone got any suggestions? Or do we just say "do your best" and do resits if needed?

Both my boyfriend and I are supposedly of the IQ required for Mensa. We’re part of the same percentile and a few points apart (I’m the lower). He’s into finance and really amazing with numbers and logic - I’ve just a secured a PhD offer at a RG uni in the humanities.

I wouldn’t care if a hypothetical child was really thick. I’d probably dote on them more, honestly. As long as they were happy. A lot of my family have a significantly lower IQ and are not educated at all - I get frustrated sometimes as silly gaps in logic (but that doesn’t stop me from loving them to bits!)

edited to add - I needed tutoring as a child. And I was very dyslexic. Tutoring in said subject is now my PhD field.

Would you not want your kid to be intelligent so they can make a positive contribution to the world? And also that they can have an interesting well paid career in the future. Doors open to you if you're intelligent.

There's only so much smiles, happiness and vibes can take you in life.

Is your child creative? Perhaps encourage that side and explore if there are any careers to be had from that?

Academia isn't the be all and end all.

Thank you all again for your suggestions. Had a good session tonight using a few online quiz sites. Fingers crossed it continues.

My DC is never going to pass exams to a high standard or go to Uni but his form tutor told me his great personality will take him through life . If people like you , really like you then that’s half the battle because you will be forgiven your faults and opportunities will open up for you . Often it’s how you relate to others and spot opportunities that can take you far in life .

It's unlikely unless they come from a nice middle class family though isn't it?

We should still try and support them. Unlock their talent and then they can thrive (and pay lots of taxes as well if lucky)

In real life it doesn't happen

👍

Physics and Maths Tutor have online papers including Mark Schemes. One of the biggest issues is actually knowing what you need to do to pass. Revision won't help if they don't know what to write or how.

I barely passed my Leaving Cert (Ireland), but did get an honours B in Home Economics which still stands to me the day. How I passed maths I don’t know as I’m still useless, this was 1988.
However I think I did ok, worked for a Middle Eastern airline which I loved and then met DH who’s English and went to private school in a scholarship.
DD never aspired to be academic, struggled a bit in school for a few reasons but got through it.
She made the best career decision and joined the Royal Navy, currently in phase 2 as an aircraft engineering technician. We are really proud

Ah yes because everyone needs to be intelligent to contribute. Shut up.

lots of people with high IQs are harmful and selfish people who hurt others and exploit the system. A lot of people with intellectual power brighten people‘s days by being a smiling face serving coffee or whatever else.

being intelligent is a massive fucking burden. Not only am I easy bored, but I also struggle with the burden of always needing to achieve more. To be the best I can. I’m so fucking exhausted. I constantly overthink and analyse every aspect of my life. I’m constantly pushing myself too hard and end up with catastrophic burnout and physical repercussions. My intelligence has manifested in anxiety and a ranging eating disorder (which began as a way of asserting control). Either I’m too busy with all of my intellectual pursuits or, during breaks, I’m too “in my head” and need distracting. I would be so much happier if I was less aware, less intelligent.

my mother, for example, is still in the “gifted” territory but she is so much happier by nature. She goes through life so much more comfortably - smart enough to do well, not too smart to worry about literally everything.

I don't know why you find intelligence a burden. Maybe you're just putting pressure on yourself with your PhD in "tutoring".

To me, intelligence has always been a value add to a person. Having knowledge about the world and how things work. Having doors open to you, to be able to do something interesting and challenging as a career.

For example an intelligent person has the ability to work a Tesco check out and to be a nuclear engineer. They can do "whatever makes them happy" but one career is going to pay more, be more interesting and have a greater impact on the world.

I could never imagine a world where I'd want to have less knowledge and less understanding of what's going on around me.

This, plus the school may well be happy to provide a 6th-former for some tutoring. My Y12 son does this in English for a GCSE student and in Maths for a Y8. It's good for the older student as much as their tutee,so worth an ask.

That’s a hell of a lot harder if you don’t pass any GCSEs at all. Why would anyone want that for for their DC, regardless of how academic they are. Sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder.

That’s absolutely shameful. Parents need to advocate harder and get a better grip on course work, but also their child’s general progress through the key stages. No child randomly fails maths and English, there is a long prelude to this, and most parents just don’t care enough to ensure that their child is where they need to be to succeed.

Well someone has to be below average don't they? Else there would've been an average. People used to fail o levels as well

This makes me worry about the future of the workforce.

My youngest daughter was born into a family where everyone else found studying easy and passed exams without problems. She is not unintelligent but is dyslexic, takes time to learn new things and will always struggle with exams. We took the approach of ‘you can only do your best’ but you MUST try your best. We also focussed on English and Maths as the key to opening doors. Whilst also saying ‘don’t worry if you don’t get there first time - you can retake’. In the end she managed it first time - with lots of painful tutoring from mum and dad. It also helped that she was very sporty so she had her ‘thing’ she could succeed at and we could celebrate. They are as they are, I would say try not to pressure them as far as can resultswise, just expect equal effort.
She took some time after school to find her thing, trying various solutions. Again, no pressure from us. Eventually she started an apprenticeship that worked out and she has a good job she enjoys. Very practical based and suits her.

@Fgjreb Precisely. If we are saying a third of children are leaving school without maths and english GCSE, their parents and state education are failing these children most terribly. Shame on the parents, it’s pull your socks up time.

Nope, that’s absolutely not how averages work. If everyone did better, this would round up not down. Is that you Bridget Phillipson? Nice to see you covering your arse despite your VAT raid. 😂 They aren’t conniving for kids to fail exams, if you don’t understand the paper then you aren’t able to gain a meaningful pass for the exam. I assume you are referencing how they grade A-A* papers, which is when you have a concentration of high quality papers.

As an engineer myself I've always sat and taught my DC maths and helped them with it. In year 5 I taught my son A-level concepts (and he could do them)

Of course it is. If the average was a grade 2 there would still be people below it

I went to uni, had a big career in international banking. I then adopted two young children from the UK care system who needed so much support, I gave up work and focused on helping them reach their potential.

One has a proper moderate learning disability. Went to sen schools. And she is an absolute joy. She lights up any room she is in. People just adore her.

Like a previous poster said, she benefits in many ways from not over thinking things.

The idea that she is somehow worthless because she doesn't have gcses is awful.

She has taught me so much about what matters in life.

It must be clear, being unable to pass Maths or English GCSE does not mean a child cannot do basic maths, read or write. I have a son still struggling to get these qualifications at 20 (EHCP) but he's faster than me at mental arithmetic and is a perfectly fluent reader and writer and lightning fast typist on Discord.

It means that for one reason or another they can't perform to the current curriculum and type of questions in GCSEs, which are quite abstract.

Since CSEs were abolished, there is no "basic" accessible Maths and English qualification to sweep up kids who will struggle with the GCSE but could still leave KS4 with a certificate ready for the next stage. Like Functional Skills.