that weekends and free time are solely about the dc?

[dampmuddyandcold]

So I’ve genuinely been wondering about this a bit because I’ve realised our lives look quite different from our friends. And in fairness all our friends have just one child while we have two which I think does make a big difference.

Our children are two and five. I work two days a week and the other days I have the two year old, we go to groups, walks when the weather is ok and feed ducks, go to the park, sometimes to a little soft play or farm.

At weekends both children have activities like swimming, sports and so on on both mornings and then the afternoons we will generally do something as a family - national trust place or swimming or soft play (depends on weather) sometimes there’s an event like a birthday party.

Friends I made when dc1 was a baby seem to have more of a ‘normal’ life; they go shopping or out for meals or just chill at home.

I guess I’m just wondering - I think if we just had the one five year old maybe our life would be more like that, I don’t know.

If you have young children, what does your ‘free’ time look like?

One of ours has a class on a weekend but prior to that I avoided it so we weren't running around to stuff all weekend. We do weekends away quite a bit, take the DC to our hobbies or do our own hobbies separately, do something as a family or just stay at home for them to play with their toys and us get on with chores etc so a bit of a mix. Birthday parties obviously sometimes but rarely shopping or out for a meal

If you have 3 days acivly with the youngest they dont need more at a weekend the 5 year old if they do no other after school stuff id do one and take turns with dad to take. If you enjoy the parks, NT etc thats great id keep that but maybe not both days....its okay to have a stay at home play with your toys down time....and children need uncontrolled time to develop their own abilities including going through im bored.

Yours sounds like a normal life?

They are 2 and 5, the activities are what you choose them to be, if you would rather have one day free, arrange it so that that happens

Try having older kids where your entire week is spend running them to activities and social stuff, just managing expectations

We made sure that both of us had a “untouchable” chunk of child free time at the weekend. Completely essential IMHO.

We have 2 kids: 3 year old and 7 year old and our weekends are all about them, their activities and we have no time to get anything done at home or anything for ourselves.

A five year old will be more willing to go shopping or play at home etc. A two year old needs more tiring out and structure. Probably by the time your youngest is five things will look different.
Our weekends (2yo and 4yo here) are full of kids stuff but no weekly classes - I want flexibility to spend the day at the zoo or beach.

I agree with a pp - your life sounds very normal!

I think maybe it’s nice to have one weekend day that doesn’t involve kids’ hobbies if you can, but I know it’s not always possible.

You weekend afternoons sound lovely! You could have the odd afternoon at home, although I realise that’s not terribly relaxing when the kids are so small.

As they get bigger it becomes less daunting to have time just at home, and then all of a sudden it’s actually relaxing and you can sit down with a cup of tea sometimes, even when they’re awake!

I think I'd ease off the structured clubs and focus on tume spent doing things as a family. It sounds a bit full on for the children. Imaginative play time is so important.

They do and they do get that but not necessarily for one entire day, as to be honest it leads to squabbling and selfishly the house being trashed!

Activities on the days I’m home with DD are varied. Today for example she does a little class in the morning and it’s near to a soft play place so I took her there. But tomorrow she has a playgroup in the morning and we’ll spend the rest of the day at home, apart from the school run,

It’s different in the summer of course.

I have a 3 abs 5 year old. Work full time DH shift work 4/4 our free time is either spent as a family or me with the kids if DH working around what the kids do eg something for them. I think two changes the dynamic from one

Well, they do enjoy them. Ds does rugby and swimming and I think both are really important.

DD also does swimming and a little toddler ballet class. She does a language class in the week which sounds pretentious but it’s just a playgroup really. I don’t feel it’s excessive but maybe it is. However I’m not sure I get the purpose of taking them away when they enjoy them and provide them with just positive things. It’s more our family activities I was mulling over.

We have two, the same age as yours, and our week looks a lot like yours.

I agree that it's completely different if you have one child. My 5yo has a few classmates who are only-children and their week looks very different. One of her friends, also 5yo, often entertains herself for over an hour at a time while her parents both WFH. (We can't do that because of the 2yo). I'm envious of how much easier their lives are, but also I think if I were 5 I'd rather have my dd's life than hers.

I wouldn’t exactly but I suppose I’m more wondering at what point it shifts. I mean the point is I could take them to an outlet retail park but I wouldn’t get any shopping done, we could have lunch out but it wouldn’t be massively relaxing so I don’t really get the point. But maybe in a couple of years it will be?

That’s a good point and that last sentence has reassured me.

I used to sit on the floor and play with my daughter and her toys after school most days and for several hours each Saturday and Sunday. We have a lovely museum and park within easy walking distance and always went there at least twice a week. I took my daughter swimming once a week from around 5 onwards and we went to soft play with friends every 2-3 weeks. But her preference was usually to play with her toys - mostly Sylvanian families and her huge collection of Tony tinkle tot babies.

Do you just have the one child? I could do this with DD (not sure about for hours but then she is only two …) but when ds is crashing around and shouting MUMMY every two seconds then that’s a lot harder, ditto it’s hard to calmly play with him with dd demanding attention.

I would imagine it depends on your working situation.
Not to take away anything from the days you have with your younger child, but I would imagine if you’re both working full time and only have the weekends to do a food shop, clean house, get uniforms ready etc then days out take a bit of a back seat unless they’re pre-planned.

We don’t have any child clubs at the weekend. If they want to do anything it’s of a week day evening. Weekends are split between things the adults want to do (sometimes with a baby sitter) and things the kids want to do. Parents are as entitled to chill or do things they enjoy as well as the kids!

My teens have very time consuming hobbies i spend a lot of time in car parks waiting for them and once they are done no-one wants to go shopping, but they would like more meals out, but they eat as much as a horse so cant afford it too often.
I am very glad that when they were younger we did activities as a family which made us close, but also able to broaden their horizons rather tham them doing individual clubs. Now, even though the weekends are very boring for me and i find i cant book trips away very easily (which we always used to enjoy), we are still very close and have a good relationship.

It wont be anymore interesting for them then and harder for them to realise not everything revolves around them as thats what they know. 8 year old and twins....they learn how to play, how to seperate if arguing and how to not trash the place as they tidy up. Even under 2s join in fill up the box.

2&5 is quite young for both DC to have scheduled activities both weekend mornings. It would be more normal imho for you to only have the 5 yo in sports/swimming, and for you to take turns with the other to be chilling at home with toddler.

We wouldn't have done things like soft play and trips to national trust every weekend afternoon when they had activities in the morning already. We would have had some time playing at home/in the garden/doing jobs.

I do think its quite normal for the weekend to revolve around family though

DH and I have one 3 year old and definitely aren't having lots of meals out and relaxing times at the weekend 😅

YANBU if that's what makes you happy.

Personally, I'd make the effort to carve out a little bit of time for yourself away from your DC and DH, just for you. One day your kids won't want or need you in the same way and it's good to have some other interest/friends/hobby outside of them. It also stops you being a Mum bore! I don't think this means hanging around a retail park with your kids though.