that weekends and free time are solely about the dc?

[dampmuddyandcold]

So I’ve genuinely been wondering about this a bit because I’ve realised our lives look quite different from our friends. And in fairness all our friends have just one child while we have two which I think does make a big difference.

Our children are two and five. I work two days a week and the other days I have the two year old, we go to groups, walks when the weather is ok and feed ducks, go to the park, sometimes to a little soft play or farm.

At weekends both children have activities like swimming, sports and so on on both mornings and then the afternoons we will generally do something as a family - national trust place or swimming or soft play (depends on weather) sometimes there’s an event like a birthday party.

Friends I made when dc1 was a baby seem to have more of a ‘normal’ life; they go shopping or out for meals or just chill at home.

I guess I’m just wondering - I think if we just had the one five year old maybe our life would be more like that, I don’t know.

If you have young children, what does your ‘free’ time look like?

Same ages and I wouldn’t say it’s all about the kids. Saturday morning is swimming, sometimes parties on an afternoon. We go for walks with a pub lunch, walk around the shops (Oxford Circus is our nearest so have a wander around Covent Garden and Soho), in the summer we play in the fountains. Sometimes we do DIY (in turns if in the house, or all together in the garden). We usually go out for lunch/dinner one of the days which lasts for a few hours (they both really enjoy a meal out). We also go to garden centres, DIY stores, etc if required.

During the week one of us adults might meet up with a friend. Occasionally on the weekend if it’s a friend from out of town. The children are good sleepers so we always get an evening to ourselves.

Mine are 4, 2 and 10 months. I’d say the weekends mainly focus on family time, but I try and limit structured clubs to weekdays as much as possible. We often have a birthday party and we like to go to parkrun, but are otherwise free to do our own family thing. Sometimes this is child-centric, ie. swimming or the park. But we usually do something we would all like, such as a walk and lunch out, or a trip to a cafe to play board games, or a weekend away with friends. Husband and I will take it in turns to go for a run or cycle if he’s not working. He might sometimes see a friend in the evening and I will start to be able to do this when baby is weaned.

I am totally with you that I have to leave the house, though!

I think you’re too structured for their ages - i thought you were going say the children were older. I think you’re being a bit of a martyr to them. How much does a two year old really enjoy Ruby specifically? Can he understand the rules or would he be just as happy running around the garden with a ball and his family… why does a two year old need to learn to swim - you’re not going to leave him unsupervised regardless for years so couldn’t that wait until he’s older @dampmuddyandcold ?

I have two that are 4 and 2 and they don’t do any structured activities. We have relaxing weekend mornings playing with our toys and they help make breakfast. Walk the dog together. Sometimes meet a friend and their kids for lunch and a play - or their cousins. Infrequently visit to a petting farm or park. Have brunch or lunch out - they both enjoy going out for food. Visit the library etc. Going to furniture shops a lot at the minute as doing some renovation. We involve them and ask them what they like and get them to test out the chairs. We play a lot at home with our toys and in the garden.

I don’t get the current presumption that more activities is better. Time to rest, quality time with parents playing and reading , learning they don’t constantly get to do what they want or constantly be entertained, learning to play on their own - I think these are teaching something much more important than toddler Ruby or soft play tbh.

You're still people, not just parents. IMO it's not healthy to have everything revolving around your children all the time, you'll lose sight of who you are in your own right.

If you enjoy the National Trusts and the like keep them up. I have one DC who is 7 and he is pretty much past wandering around gardens at this point. He'd rather be in the park with a football.

But it is an age thing, really. When they are 5 and 8 you should be able to get on with stuff around the house or go out for a coffee with a friend while they amuse themselves/DH is around for them, they'll probably sit and eat a meal in a restaurant or watch a film at the cinema.

My DS does football and rugby on weekends but both are over by 11am and DH and I will get some time to go to the cinema or gym to ourselves.

You sound like lovely parents, really caring about the children and spending time with them. Just enjoy this time, it will pass by so quickly.

My 3 kids are 5, 10 and 12 and I feel we have way less time than when they were younger as older ones are now competing in the sports that were just for fun when younger and it takes up way more time (football and rugby matches every weekend, swim training for both and frequent swim galas) youngest is now starting a few hobbies so it’s manic. You mention going to a retail park shopping?? I don’t know anyone who does that at a weekend with kids! It’s slightly easier that one of us can take all 3 somewhere like trampolining and the other can have a break if that’s what you mean? I’ve got 3 boys and they need to be out exercising every day (like dogs) or they are a pain!

I’m similar to you but then thought no I’m more like your friend. I don’t allow any extra circular clubs on Saturday or Sundays, DC do tons in the week. They like shopping with me and I like us to chill at home on Sundays especially. I ferry mine round to different social events or we do a child friendly day trip quite often on Saturdays. DH works weekends so inevitably my life is centred around the DC, but I also do what I want at weekends, so we’re somewhere in the middle.

They're tiny, they don't dictate their activities

We try to visit a new museum or art gallery once a month but it’s hard because we’ve covered the vast majority in our county and are now having to expand out to other counties an hour + drive away, even then we’ve covered lots!

The other weekends we take 7 yo DS to chess club, sometimes do junior park run if we can be arsed, go to the library, usually have the odd errand to run like collecting parcels, getting some food bits etc. If the weather is ok we might visit a local NT place or RSPB reserve, take the youngest two out on their scooters at a park.

Your weekends sound normal.

Because DH works away, we had to ensure our DCs schedule (which is just one sport and Scouts) was all able to be facilitated by me. But it still takes up four evenings and both weekend days (time of year dependent). And because they are teens now, its later evenings. (They can also do as much school based stuff as they want, as I do t need to physically get them there).

It does get easier as they get older, as the one doing the activity doesn't need as much supervision so you can concentrate on the other... and then they get old enough to stay at home.

The activities grow as they get older though... that 45 min rugby session turns into an evening training plus a match up to an hours drive away... then tournaments...
The swimming lesson is 3 club sessions a week... the dance lesson is several different types and a competition. So it also becomes a lot more time consuming.

My weekends look like yours and have done for years, with activities and clubs just evolving as they grow.

I have some friends who are really good at carving out time for themselves, have nights out etc, but to be honest I have no interest in that anymore anyway.

We often tag team the children and just having one to manage is a dream, and I'd rather do that than have them all day myself on a Saturday and have Sunday "off". They'd much rather it as well.

We avoid clubs on a weekend as we like to have a lay in and slow morning. We do a lot of family stuff on a weekend though, days out, meals together (we go out for breakfast mainly), nations trust vista, cinema, soft play etc. we very rarely have a day at home. We also go away quite often

You are doing far too much, laying on far too much entertainment.

Why not chill at home? Read to them, help them build with blocks/ Lego, let them draw, etc. Children need down time.

Do you ever go to the gym, or for lunch or a walk with a friend? I would be a much worse parent without some "me" time, but everyone is different, no need to change if you're all happy as you are.

We have 4 so my entire life revolves around them, ha.
When we had 2 at those ages, we still did go out for meals and things like shopping because it felt enjoyable, but with our youngest 2 it doesn't feel worth the hassle- just different personalities. Our whole Saturday is juggling activities - one has something in the morning so Dad is at home with the other 3 while I take her, then I go home and dad takes the other child out for their activity. (After school things during the week too). We try and do family activities on a Sunday where we can, but definitely have some Sundays just to relax at home. Sometimes my husband will go out with friends on Friday evening or Sunday, while I have all the children.

I wasn't very good at this but I think it's important to have your own interests too, even if it's just once a month or something.

One 4 year old and we do family time or we do time to ourselves.

We do have "date" time but usually when she's asleep!

If you're happy, and they're happy, don't worry what other families are doing. Do what works for you.

I don't think shopping or eating lunch out with a 2 and 5 year old would be remotely enjoyable to be honest! We did a mix at weekends when ours were small - sometimes swimming or picnic at local country park or walk/scooter/bike in the woods and play in the park. Sometimes just paddling pool/sandpit in the garden, friends round for a bbq etc obviously in the warmer months!

Your weekends sound lovely and I wouldn't worry about whether others do things differently - it's what works for your family that's important.

Certain choices have been made (presumably by adults), life changed accordingly.
Full stop.

Look, do whatever you actually enjoy! It doesn’t matter if it looks like anyone else’s ‘normal’. We have one child. When he was five, weekends were mostly a combination of whatever I felt like doing and DH’s job, which meant being away in different parts of the UK, so we often went with him, so it was a set of compromises between child-centric stuff, if available, always a gallery or museum for me, one of us might go to a gig while the other stayed in with DS in the hotel, and sometimes we’d stop off somewhere together on the way home.

We both worked FT in demanding jobs, so definitely needed me time at weekends.

I’m definitely not criticising @LionKing88 . I’m more thinking about the future and wondering if things will shift that way. Definitely no criticism here. Just noticed a real difference.

Sports class on Saturday 9am for the teen (15) and sport match for DC 10 & 8 at 10am.

No rest at weekends for us🤷‍♀️

I have one dc and we spend most of the week doing school and clubs so when it's the weekend, yeah, we like a family film, loaded hot chocs, brunch/roast, baking together for the school lunches for the week ahead, baths and brunches.

We used to do it your way before school and clubs. Using brain energy to learn hits different imo and dc needs to rest.

We do; but it’s interspersed with other things as well.

I don’t go to the gym as I just wouldn’t be able to go often enough and affordability is an issue. But it’s definitely one for the future, I go out with friends but it isn’t regular, maybe once every six weeks or something!