that weekends and free time are solely about the dc?

[dampmuddyandcold]

So I’ve genuinely been wondering about this a bit because I’ve realised our lives look quite different from our friends. And in fairness all our friends have just one child while we have two which I think does make a big difference.

Our children are two and five. I work two days a week and the other days I have the two year old, we go to groups, walks when the weather is ok and feed ducks, go to the park, sometimes to a little soft play or farm.

At weekends both children have activities like swimming, sports and so on on both mornings and then the afternoons we will generally do something as a family - national trust place or swimming or soft play (depends on weather) sometimes there’s an event like a birthday party.

Friends I made when dc1 was a baby seem to have more of a ‘normal’ life; they go shopping or out for meals or just chill at home.

I guess I’m just wondering - I think if we just had the one five year old maybe our life would be more like that, I don’t know.

If you have young children, what does your ‘free’ time look like?

I have 3 DCs - 12, 5 and nearly 2. Saturday mornings are DD2’s gymnastics and DD1’s performing arts club. The rest of the weekend depends. Sometimes we don’t do anything and just chill at home. Sometimes we’re out with family or friends or just us. One weekend evening is usually reserved for our family film night.

On very rare occasions, DH and/or I will have plans without our kids. We’re both full time (me condescended to 4 days with DS on my day off) so it’s nice to have some downtime too.

I deliberately didn’t book DD into any clubs or activities at the weekend so we could just do what we fancied. Mon-Fri was full on with work, after school clubs and activities, so weekends were kept free.

This does make me feel it’s an age thing as well as a more than one child thing

After school is out insofar as activities are concerned. We’re quite remote so would have to drive a good half hour there and back and it’s too late for DD. DS does do one club but that’s at school.

We don’t have anyone to have the children @NuffSaidSam and a babysitter isn’t realistic regularly as it’s expensive.

@jannier i don’t know what the ‘8 year old and twins’ refers to sorry. I think the truth is though most two year olds do expect everything to be revolve around them; it would be an unusual two year old who didn’t!

Mine are 6 and 4, my weekend looks a lot like yours. Two classes (both at 9am) and lots of time out and about as a family. It's what I like to do and similarish to my life pre kids, I'd hate taking the kids shopping.

I lose my mind on winter Sundays after 4pm when it's dark and cold and there's nowhere to go.

My children are the same age as yours. We have meals out (with the children), chill at home, go to parks, museums or shopping. It depends on the weather, what we all feel like doing and who is or isn’t unwell 😅 We hire a babysitter from time to time to go out to dinner on our own, normally during the week. My 5 year old is very chill, my 2 year old much less so.

We spend more time than I’d like visiting and being visited by GPs but it is what it is and the DCs love seeing them.

So your DH looks after them while you have some time to be a person outside of the family and you do the same for him. That's how most other people do it.

I should add, I’ll watch the DC while DP will go to the gym and he’ll watch the DC if I want to get a facial, nails, etc done or run errands. So we both normally get a bit of ‘me’ time too.

Sometimes we do.

Other times we don’t.

The ‘this is how most other people do it’ sounds very curt and bordering on rude, to be honest. The post of yours I was answering was about DH and I being together.

Good to know it isn’t just us @GreenBananaSmoothie

We have 2 dc, though ours are a bit older now (8 & 13) and I’d say our lives are more like your friends.

Our dc don’t have any regular weekend activities. That’s an intentional choice. Sometimes my older one has an extra sports training or a competition, but maybe 10 times a year max.

Our weekends are a mix of chilling at home or doing jobs around the house, the dc seeing friends, a day or an afternoon out (walk, beach, NT, bike ride, we live in a very outdoorsy area), and Dh and I doing things we enjoy (I will ride my horse, Dh goes for a bike ride or a run or might take older one on a long day hike). Sometimes I might take one of them to the cinema or Dh might go meet a friend for a drink. They definitely aren’t totally taken up entirely by family activities though.

You don't need to fill every moment of your children's lives let them entertain themselves, let them be bored, let them play with all the toys they have, let them relax and watch some TV. Your life is how you choose it to be

I did shopping, meals out and family days out that were child orientated when mine were little. Activities started at about 5 for both. I think both you and your friends have pretty typical family lives.
Why are you comparing? Are you unhappy with your life or do you feel they're doing it 'wrong'.

I think we went for a mix when the kids were little. In our case the weekends were less about 'kids' than family as both sets of parents live nearby so we saw them a lot.

We spend time as a family but also maintain some elements of our pre-kid life - I still meet and go out with my friends, and DH does childcare. DH does the same with his friends, and I reciprocate. We go out for meals together or to the theatre occasionally, and grandparents step in. I think it’s important to have other things going on. That said, we have one, and have a good support network of grandparents, and each other.

Apologies that you found the information that other people also can't afford babysitters (and so have to give each other time away from the kids) 'curt bordering on rude'. You have my humble apologies. It is true though.

The post of mine you answered was about taking time for yourself away from DH and DC. I didn't post anything about you and DH being together, it was exactly the opposite!

We have one child and our weekends look like a mixture of what you describe. Our 4 year old has swimming and football on Saturday mornings. We tend to fill the rest of the weekend with a mix of kid friendly activities, birthday parties, chilling at home, going out to eat and shopping/errands.

We also take it in turns to have "me time". Essential in our house!

DH and I each have half day to ourselves each weekend. And we only do one “family trip out” at most per weekend and not every weekend. So I think we’re probably a bit more like your friends than you.
But I assume you enjoy the stuff you do? So why care what others do?

Its easy to criticise their weekends when you have 3 days off between Mon-Fri to do whatever you like.

When you're working FT you need downtime at the weekend IMO. Even if your husband is full time and you're part time, if presume he does a lot less in the week because you're able to do the housework and lion share of the childcare. So on weekends hes not expected to run about and do a load of chores.

Its not about having 2 DC instead of 1 its about the actual work life balance factor.

I think this is going to be different for each person/family but weekends where DP isn't working I absolutely make sure I meet up with friends and have time for "me". I also give the same to him. Mine are 7 and 9 and at the moment, no weekend activities (apart from non scheduled ones, playdates etc). I did that on purpose but I understand it may not always be possible

I have just 1 DC at the moment (one on the way too!) I work 3 days a week and DH works full time. Our weekends are a bit half and half, we do things with our son but we also catch up on cleaning, shopping etc.

I’d say you do a lot of activities but I wouldn’t say your life is abnormal.

Also this ^ and I work part time. If you work full time and so does your DH you’re going to spend the weekends running about and the evenings trying to do chores etc.

If you work 2 or 3 days a week then obviously you can do housework on your days off and have a calmer weekend

You can have 3 kids and have more time at the weekend for activities if you only work 2 days a week vs 1 child but working full time and less time on weekends becuase you’ve been at work 5 days!’

Most of mine are older now, just a 16 y/o and a 6 y/o at home. We shove our washing in the washer on a Friday night. And literally have 2 duvet days on the sofa most weekends!! Films, box sets, floor is lava etc. My younger one will probably go out with his dad somewhere or swimming but I just chill and potter! On the occasions my partner takes our son away for the weekend, I order my favourite takeaway and watch the scariest thing I can find… but totally blitz the house. I need it empty to clean it!! We’ve never been the groups/soft play/walk type people. In summer this will change as we have a huge garden so will be outside most of the time! I live being home more than anything in the world!

So did we.

Mine are 4 and almost 1 and I would say it's not completely about the kids. We still have lots of friends without kids yet! I probably do something like dinner or theatre etc with friends without my kids every other weekend, maybe one of the evenings or afternoons. DH not so much as he can do more in the week and socialise after work.

We also see family and friends with kids so ours can play and we can have some adult socialising. We maybe do a day out thing once a month. Then DS is in peak birthday party phase so one of us will take him and the other have a break. Definitely no regular clubs! I do think swimming is important but we do it in the school holidays.