that weekends and free time are solely about the dc?

[dampmuddyandcold]

So I’ve genuinely been wondering about this a bit because I’ve realised our lives look quite different from our friends. And in fairness all our friends have just one child while we have two which I think does make a big difference.

Our children are two and five. I work two days a week and the other days I have the two year old, we go to groups, walks when the weather is ok and feed ducks, go to the park, sometimes to a little soft play or farm.

At weekends both children have activities like swimming, sports and so on on both mornings and then the afternoons we will generally do something as a family - national trust place or swimming or soft play (depends on weather) sometimes there’s an event like a birthday party.

Friends I made when dc1 was a baby seem to have more of a ‘normal’ life; they go shopping or out for meals or just chill at home.

I guess I’m just wondering - I think if we just had the one five year old maybe our life would be more like that, I don’t know.

If you have young children, what does your ‘free’ time look like?

At weekends both children have activities like swimming, sports and so on on both mornings

When mine were little we didn't do clubs at the weekend, only ones after school. If you think this is too much, then stop some, but I presume you are happy with them or you wouldn't have signed up!

Mine never had private swimming lessons. They had lessons weekly at school from reception to y6 which was handy, and then we took them swimming as a family.

But yes, families with one child, will have their weekends much more like they did before kids and the more kids you have the more it swings towards kiddy stuff. We had more than your 2.4 average...!

We've also purposefully kept our weekends free of regular activities.

Main activities are - swimming after school during the week, piano lesson during a weekday morning (at school), dance lesson at lunchtime on a weekday, French club after school on a weekday, 2nd instrument on a weekday at school.

Weekends tend to be DC friends parties, park visits and sometimes days out and weekends away. Last weekend we spent Saturday walking around a nearby city admiring the churches, followed by a matinee theatre visit, Italian restaurant for dinner and then back home and bed. On Sunday we pottered around the house.

This coming weekend we don't have any plans for Saturday, we'll probably go to the park and on Sunday DC has a play date at a friends house. We're always a bit quieter at the weekends at this time of year and we really enjoy it after the busyness of December.

I also share your stance on swimming lessons OP. We pay £20 per lesson (between £80-£100 per month). If we had to, I'd cut back on everything else before giving up swimming lessons.

It stops revolving around the kids when you decide to revolve it around other things. Of course they'll still need looking after, but you are choosing to spend virtually all your time doing things that are focused on the kids, and that's your choice, not the way it has to be. Your friends sound like they have got a better balance.

We don’t do classes at the weekends. Just say no. You’re a person too OP, not just someone’s mum!

I refuse to do weekend clubs . They do after school ones. Never have in 21 years of being a parent
Weekends are for relaxing or days out. Not tied to being places imo

Never liked structured clubs at the weekend. Did a few years of weekend swimming and just going back to water polo on Saturday for 12yo. Hate having somewhere to be. Prefer park, coffee shops and seeing friends

If you refuse to do weekend activities basically your child can’t play football or any competitive sport. All the good leagues play weekends where I am- eg the weeknight leagues are nowhere near the competition level for basketball, and of course football , athletics and cricket are only weekend games. I would never cut my child off from that, I can’t call it good parenting either. If you need weekends to be about what you want to do, don’t have children.

I’m surprised the weekend clubs have got so much hate, it’s really the only chance ds gets to do them as the week is out.

I don’t mind - it’s not a lot of time. The clubs are neither here nor there really. I could drop them but I like them and the kids like them so it wouldn’t achieve anything 😂

If they’re sporty then it might be when they’re 25 😁😁 my fil comes along to my sons games now when he can.
more seriously, I feel when high school sport takes over it’s more drop and run, and it depends on the activities. Competitive basketball here requires at least 3 parent roles per game- videoing, scoring and spotting plus team manager as a permanent role, so that could go all through the teens. Junior athletics requires parents volunteer for 60% of the afternoons, but they’d be doing senior athletics in their teens and that might be less.

Such is life. My kids do other sports which don’t rely on me being stood on a windswept pitch freezing to death every weekend. We go MTB with them and other friends, geocaching, orienteering, park run, wild camping, wild swimming. Think outside the box! Join in with your kids and their friends and their friends families. That’s good parenting.

Posts like this do make me laugh when I’m getting roundly criticised for a half hour toddler ballet class 😂

Ballet and football you sit and watch them. If you do some more free flow activities you and your kids do something together. Who will have the happier childhood memories?

I don't know anyone who doesn't do some sort of extracurricular at the weekends tbh... its not just football. Music, drama, art, dance, swimming, Parkrun, climbing, Martial Arts, Scouts, cadets l, watersports etc... especially as teens when evenings don't cut it and they want to do stuff with friends.

"Do the things our family enjoys instead of the things yours does, that's good parenting cos we're good parents".

That's what those posts say to me.

If your toddler enjoys dancing, take her dancing. That's good parenting. When you have small children I think the majority of your life does end up revolving around them, because they need you to centre them. It'll pass.

Make sure you manage to find some time for you and your relationship, even if it's just daft things like watching a film together after bedtime or playing a board game or a video game (we like mario on the switch). But don't put too much pressure on yourselves to do "special". Take what you can get and enjoy it. You'll be fine.

Hmm I do try and do stuff for myself on the weekend yes, otherwise I’d go mad. Last weekend for example was this:

3 kids aged 10, 8 and 3 so a broad range of needs. Pretty typical weekend:

Sat:
Me - parkrun am, DH had kids
Home for an hour or so of family time.
DS1 - to London with a friend
Me - to work
DH - took other 2 swimming
5/6pm onwards - all home, hang out, bedtime, chill

Sun:
DS2 piano lesson and family time am
PM: DH oversaw the boys - DS1 had friend over. DS2 went to a friends’.
I took DD aged 3 to a birthday party so had to stay due to her age.
Evening: family time

Sunday I was meant to go for a 4 hour training walk and then to the osteopath but had to cancel both for the kids’ activities.

I have FAMILY TIME recurring every Sunday in our calendar. We do a good job of it around everyone else’s commitments and social lives. I feel like I see the kids far less than I did as a SAHM but DH sees them much more since I went back to work.

We have one 7yo boy.
DH works full time
I work part time.
I take son to martial arts three times a week after school and he has footie once a week after school.
He has martial arts Saturday morning and swimming Sunday morning.
My DH does martial arts three times a week including Saturday lunch time and I do the gym three times a week and choir Wednesday evening.
The rest of the spare time is out for meals, seeing friends together or separately. Going into the city, park etc or just chilling if we can fit it in!
If we had more than one child, there would be less activities I guess or more together combining the time!

Eldest is nearly 11, plus 7 and 3 year old. Between 6am-9pm I am either with kids or working. There is no child-free time and hasn't been in all that time. I find the concept of having a day to myself completely and utterly baffling, then remember that many people do live like that! I enjoy my life, but I do feel I am living through and for them, and to be honest I have forgotten who I actually am. That time will come again though, and I know I will miss my children being little.

No one does football

I think we do plenty of free flow but in any event it’s a toddler ballet class. I’m right there with her.

I can kind of relate to that @Hotdoughnut . I genuinely don’t mind but equally I’m conscious it’s very rare I do something for myself and when I do it tends to be quite rushed by nature of things.

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos god no, 100% wasn’t intended like that. I think everyone should do what works best for them and actually those activities sound lots of fun (but not the most practical with a two year old!) I was laughing because some posters are outraged I go to a ballet class with my toddler because it’s a structured class and she should be allowed to chill but geocaching, orienteering, park run, wild camping, wild swimming would all be very chilled 😂

This.

It definitely isn’t about 1 child vs 2. Only child families tend to be able to do more IME - only one child’s hobbies to bankroll/ schedule. Fewer mat leaves/ gaps in employment. Used to hanging around with adults all the time etc.

I also agree unstructured free time is incredibly important for brain development esp in early childhood but I know plenty of families who feel a keen need to have a plan and activity for every moment, but it would be a boring world if we were all the same.

But as PPs have said - it’s all to do with working hours.

I am joining in with my kids and their friends and their families. We see them all 7 days a week at the kids sports. My children would never ever forgive me if I took them out of football and basketball to do geocaching with us instead, and I’m pretty sure their friends parents would all judge us as depriving our children of their passions and hanging out with their friends.

You’re doing too much. Do you never just spend time at home ?

We like the outdoors, parks, hiking so we are outside a lot which works for us and our toddler. We also go to restaurants quite a lot, my toddler is used to it now. DH and I also each have a little social with friends while the other cares for our son.

Your weekend would honestly do my head in. But you do whatever works for you. If you and your kids are happy, nothing else matters really.

I thrive on socialising and sport. Having 4 kids had meant we had to be inventive.

Days out we would usually invite a few families along, then have a take away or meal out at ours and let the kids play/have a big sleepover and we would have a drink.

Or go to the park, let the kids run free and have a big picnic (and wine).

Do babysitting swaps with other parents, had a rota.

Go out without DH once a week at least and play sport 2 times. Often would have to take a child or two who would sit on the side watching (obviously from about 4 onwards). We also took them to endless activities!

to me, your life would be massively over-scheduled. There is no down time. No time for you to be yourself and do your own thing, no time for your DC to learn how to deal with boredom or self-entertain.

How long do you think these sorts of things take?

If I take tomorrow as an example, DDs ballet class is 915-945. Even if it takes a long time getting out and getting home that still leaves an entire day - 10am until she starts getting ready for her bath so what, half six - at home if we want to. I generally don’t as I’m not sure it’s hugely beneficial for anybody to stay in all four walls for five out of seven days a week but the option is there to be sure.