that weekends and free time are solely about the dc?

[dampmuddyandcold]

So I’ve genuinely been wondering about this a bit because I’ve realised our lives look quite different from our friends. And in fairness all our friends have just one child while we have two which I think does make a big difference.

Our children are two and five. I work two days a week and the other days I have the two year old, we go to groups, walks when the weather is ok and feed ducks, go to the park, sometimes to a little soft play or farm.

At weekends both children have activities like swimming, sports and so on on both mornings and then the afternoons we will generally do something as a family - national trust place or swimming or soft play (depends on weather) sometimes there’s an event like a birthday party.

Friends I made when dc1 was a baby seem to have more of a ‘normal’ life; they go shopping or out for meals or just chill at home.

I guess I’m just wondering - I think if we just had the one five year old maybe our life would be more like that, I don’t know.

If you have young children, what does your ‘free’ time look like?

As your kids are tiny the activities are what you choose them to be. You don’t have to sign them up for clubs both weekend days. It’s different when they’re older children or teens and their hobbies are things they’re genuinely passionate about, you make the sacrifice, but tiddlers don’t really care. They’ll be happy doing as much or as little as you want them to.

Affordability probably wouldn't be an issue if you didn't have your kids signed up to so many clubs
Every person is different. I am still my own person with my own interests outside of a being a parent, the thought of spending all my spare time on kids activities week in week out sounds rubbish to me, but others like you OP may be happy. I'd rather pay for my gym membership, go out with my friends once a week etc. I'm a better parent for having time away from the kids

Adults need relaxation time too. You don't stop being a person just because you have children. Free time should fit in what all the family members want to do, not just the children. One of you can cycle for a few hours on one day, do kid stuff as well, the other weekend day one of you goes for a walk with friends, plus there are all the household jobs. I'd probably do less "as a family" to ensure the adults keep up with their hobbies and friends. A whole weekend of family stuff is not much more fun than being at work, you need a mix. Adults need some time to be adults without acting as a parent.

My next door neighbours have four DC ages 13, 11, 9 and 4 and they don't do anything at all at weekends. Except get forced to stay up late through the night when the parents have friends over drinking. My eldest hears them through the party wall. The youngest crying with exhaustion. Most 4yo children usually are fast asleep at 2am...

It seems there can be extremes of doing loads to keep children happy with sports or parents make sure they do what they want all weekend which is long lie to the detriment of the children and their needs.

I think people are trying to make it a thread where we essentially take it in turns to do ‘shifts’ over the weekend and obviously that’s totally great if it works for you but it’s not what I’m talking about really.

I suppose it’s more that if we did want to do something non child friendly we wouldn’t take the kids with us, we’d have to have one do it while the other had the children. Or if we were watching a film it would be a film they wanted to watch; we don’t watch our own television shows until they’re in bed. We don’t get to read around them, or generally relax. I think it’s quite normal with an under five but just questioning myself a bit I guess.

We have 3 age 3-10 and work full time, they like their sport so that’s our weekends. All of it. It’s a full time job and once they are in competitive teams you don’t miss games, plus if they are a key team member in team sports you’re letting the team down by missing. So dh and I split up and take them to various games. I went to the 10yos sat game last week and he went to the 7yo, he was coaching so I took the 3yo with me, Sunday we do same, this week sat I’ll go to the 7yo and he will go to the 10yos…

my kids are young adults now but they never had that many structured activities growing up. Definitely none at 2 years old. We spent a lot of our weekends together but we would go to the supermarket, the library, the park, bake, cook, go out for lunch, they would play at home or at friend's houses etc. They didn’t trash the house and they knew how to behave in restaurants (grew up in France and Belgium). They were just part of my normal life. If I needed to buy food, off we went. If I needed a new library book, off we went. If they needed new clothes, off we went. if the car needed a wash, off we went.

Why can they not just be immersed in daily life rather than have such structured lives that seem to only consist of making them so tired that they don’t have the energy to do normal things?

(Almost) 7yo and a 3yo here. We do all activities during the week, bar Saturday school in my native language for the 7yo.

The 3yo has one day off nursery and that's when she does gymnastics and swimming (while the elder one is in school), no other clubs. The 7yo does 5 different clubs across 3 days after school and just a normal after school club on the other 2 days. His Saturday school is only 3 hours in the morning and we purposely signed him up for one near MIL, so we combine it with seeing the wider family most weeks.

Sundays is a day off from all structured activities. Sometimes we catch up on housework, sometimes we do a day out, sometimes we have friends over for the day and sometimes we just have a chill day playing at home and watching movies. DH and I both do FT shift work and our weeks can be a bit manic trying to work around school/nursery run and all kids activities, so it was important for me to have a proper day off with no expectations.

My next door neighbours must struggle with watching films only suitable for adults as all children are up way past 11pm most nights. That would absolutely do my head in! You need some time to yourself as a parent.

I have wrongly assumed most parents want a break to watch what they like on TV that is only suitable for adults. Maybe it's a different set up with blended families though.

My GC (11 & 8) don't do clubs, they go through phases of wanting to go swimming, then hating it. It's, age, whether they get on/having one child and personality. We split the children, regularly. I'll take the youngest to soft play/bounce/craft activities etc, the eldest loves an afternoon at Costco or the Trafford Centre. The eldest never liked Nursery or the stuff you do. She likes reading and sketching. I had the youngest on a similar schedule as you, she loved being in groups. Both do get taken shopping and on buses. They go on lots of holidays and breaks. I think that it's good for them to be out in the world, when they get to 5+ and not just in organised groups, were everyone has to follow the rules.

I usually have Saturday morning/lunch and he has Sunday evening as free time. I will go to the cinema, shopping, to a gallery or have lunch with a friend. My husband will usually go to yoga at some point and spend Sunday evening having a bath/chilling. I sometimes go to a party or an event one evening.

This still leaves plenty of family time. Husband will take our son swimming or we will all go to the woods or to a playground or into town. We almost always have Sunday lunch together. We do family discos at home.

It’s a nice balance, I like it. If we have two kids I don’t think we’d get as much free time and that is one of the many reasons we are one and done! So I agree with you that having one child does probably make weekends different.

My DH would go to the gym early on Saturday and then come back have breakfast then take the kids back to the pool for a couple hours. Then home and they’d play, go to a party whatever. Sunday we tended to either have my parents over for Sunday lunch if they were in the country or perhaps go for a drive to some pub. Kids would run around in the beer garden. They didn’t have many organised activities that young - my DD did do ballet for a year or two at some point. But we just were together as a family, which didn’t always mean going out and ‘doing’, though I think it was a rare weekend we didn’t end up doing something.
Im not sure if having just one child would have changed any of that, in fact can’t imagine it would! I’d be making sure the child wasn’t always in the company of adults doing adult things.

We has just one until DD was almost 5... never felt run off my feet like I do now with an 8 and 3 year old.
If there are 2 parents you still have a
so much more time To yourselves as you split the load and there are far fewer demands on your time.

Why can't you read or relax? I read my book on a weekend while the kids play, or watch their TV/film etc. kids need downtown and unstructured time for their imagination

I would make family time in the afternoon something that you would enjoy more than softplay if the kids are getting a kid specific activity in the morning. So walk and farmers market, meet up with friends and kids for lunch or an early dinner, park trip with a stop at a nice coffee shop, just some time at home in the garden or playing inside if the weather is bad. Maybe alternate weekends you try and get some time off to yourself too!

caveat I do only have one DC at the moment and that’s what weekends look like for us, another on the way but will try and keep this routine although appreciate it may get harder to do so!

I know what you mean! When I think back to before DD was born it feels so easy that weekends were one child and DH and I! It didn’t feel it at the time particularly though. (Not that I’d swap her!)

I got no peace years ago when they were small. Hilarious thinking I would get peace to read a book with children around if they're not asleep 🤣

Good if you could do it. Not all of us can concentrate with noisy children around.

Same 😂

I think it’s really poor to make the whole weekend entirely “about the children”. Adults in a family are equally deserving of some focus and attention. And everyone needs some down time. But it’s not clear to me whether you and DH have any time to yourselves or 1:1 with your 5yr old or get to do things you want rather than just the children.

If you and DH are getting the time you need too, then I don’t see anything terribly wrong with your weekend.

I would say, though, that even if you can get all the chores done in the week on your days “off”, your 5 year old would still benefit from accompanying you or DH while you do them. Taking kids with you doing all the things that keep family life ticking over is quality time that is an important part of building their skills and confidence as they age. The older they get the harder it is to introduce it. Way better to start when they are young and just make it part of life.

And @Youcancallmeirrelevant the ‘too many clubs’ are

DD & DS - swimming, that’s the biggie in terms of expense but no apologies for that; a classmate of mine drowned in primary school. One half hour lesson a week each; £130 p/m

DD - toddler ballet - £8 p/m, half an hour on a Saturday morning
DS - rugby, one hour on a Sunday morning, £15 per month

So it is true it if I stopped them swimming I could afford a gym membership, although I still wouldn’t be able to go very often. But honestly I prioritise the swimming.

We’ve a nearly 2, 4 and 5 year old. Weekend mornings they’ll get up - we set them up and they’ll have cereal toast and ther fruit themselves for food and play colour or watch tv for a bit (limited screen time midweek so they love it). We’ll often get back into bed ourselves and grab an hour chat and/or rest (with an ear to them of course). House is wreaked but I love the time together. Then coffee clean up. Dressed and out the door either to a kids birthday party or a family walk/hike/adventure. We try to do jobs first then fun (but both work midweek so often the jobs are essentials like food shop or other practical bits!). About once a month we’ll split this up so one of us has free time. Sat evenings we try to have a babysitter once a month for date night OR sometimes just crash and sleep early especially if it’s been a busy work week. Sunday often one of us exercises and then swaps - sometimes the other stays at home with the kids, sometimes we’ll go out depends on the weather. Sunday afternoon often meet friends with their kids or host. Back to the grind Monday.

It works - 1) by always putting laundry in before bed or leaving the house 2) by loving a slow cooker meal and sometimes spending Sunday am prepping food to batch cook - again stuff usually in the oven before the play date/friends time. 3) we do find it easier with our friends with kids than with those without BUT we try to see those without on Friday eves or split the midweek nights to see them (eg dinner with a friend). 90% of the time only one of us does bedtime. Kids to organised classes afterschool but not at weekends. Nursery age kids don’t need classes (I’ve a day at home a week with the little one and do things either just him then, and condense hours and work opposite shifts to make sure we can collect the kids two days a week from school at normal pick up time - so those days are swimming days!)

We ensured any clubs our little ones go to are on weekday evenings. On the weekend DH has a lie in one morning and I the on the other. We visit family or friends on weekends and go on day trips or just things like walks in the woods or to the park, or they play in the garden and we have my adult children around for Sunday lunch and family board games. Some of us are ND though so we have to keep space for proper downtime, and we etched out the weekends for that. At least one weekend day is spent at home relaxing however fits us best at the time.

Weekday evenings are out, it would involve a longish drive and a danger nap and a very cranky toddler. Not fun. When she’s older it may be different.

OP sounds like you have a routine that suits you - that’s all that’s important! We keep weekends half ish kids and half ish us as adults for ourselves and friends cos that’s what keeps me sane. So much of my week is work, and entirely child led. I love the time unscheduled. We’ve tried kids classes at the weekends and I hated it. Hence our current plan. But…there isn’t a perfect answer. If your current set up works for you - keep doing it. BUT it’s not because you have two kids. It’s because you chose to prioritize their activities over your own. And that’s ok.

What are the weekend activities that a 2 and 5 year old do?!

Mine did swimming lessons from 4 but the rest of the weekend was doing what we fancied and the kids enjoyed coming along - food shopping, seeing friends/family, playing at home while we did jobs, etc.

We also got into the habit of seeing friends once a month and we'd take turns to meet at each other's houses for drinks and food. Good times!