that weekends and free time are solely about the dc?

[dampmuddyandcold]

So I’ve genuinely been wondering about this a bit because I’ve realised our lives look quite different from our friends. And in fairness all our friends have just one child while we have two which I think does make a big difference.

Our children are two and five. I work two days a week and the other days I have the two year old, we go to groups, walks when the weather is ok and feed ducks, go to the park, sometimes to a little soft play or farm.

At weekends both children have activities like swimming, sports and so on on both mornings and then the afternoons we will generally do something as a family - national trust place or swimming or soft play (depends on weather) sometimes there’s an event like a birthday party.

Friends I made when dc1 was a baby seem to have more of a ‘normal’ life; they go shopping or out for meals or just chill at home.

I guess I’m just wondering - I think if we just had the one five year old maybe our life would be more like that, I don’t know.

If you have young children, what does your ‘free’ time look like?

I’ve listed above: they both have swimming lessons and one does rugby and one does a little ballet class.

They enjoy them and plenty of other children the same age go; it isn’t all that unusual!

My kids are 3 & 5 and they don't do any weekend activities, although we are considering one morning class they could both go to as the make a lot of mess and squabble when in the house for too long.
My kids quite like the pub - if you find a family friendly one and get them a meal or something crisp and a fruit shoot everyone's happy!
My husband and I usually get a gun session or park run in each on the weekend.
Could you sometimes just take 5 year old out? Divide and conquer works well for us, each child gets some one on one attention

We do sometimes do divide and conquer. It always feels like a lovely break, especially if I get the five year old 😂

We have a 3yo and a 5yo and I've noticed the older one's friends who don't have a younger sibling tend to do more activities geared to their age, while our weekends are mainly doing family stuff that's also suitable for the little one. We also prioritise downtime playing at home because we think it's good for their relationship to have plenty of time to hang out and build dens and be superheros together. I took my 5yo for a weekend away and we did museums, sightseeing, restaurants, some shopping, so I think if we only had him, we would definitely spend our time differently.

Our smallest play together at the weekends. We've got a nice garden, and they tend to ferret about whatever the weather. After a week of school, I don't think they need scheduled activities every weekend, but if they have shown a particular interest, we might take a trip accordingly. DD got into fossils last year so we went to a few pebble beaches to find some little ones.

There's a birthday party probably once a month, but until they're older and highlight their own interests, we don't have regimented clubs. They need to play and let off steam.

You need to do things that fill your own cup too. Go to the retail park as a family but leave the kids with DH for a bit while you browse on your own. Find pubs with play areas or bring lots of colouring etc so you can have lunch together.

Get used to it. On a positive note they start going out alone in their teens

I don’t think one size fits all, it’s impossible to say. My kids are now adults. We had two small boys once upon a time, they are 3 years apart.
weekends were noisy, loud, messy and involved lots of clubs , walking through muddy woods, parks, swimming, beach walking/running,museums, national trusts, visiting grandparents (if just to get to sit down for 5 mins whilst granny took over 😆!) it was loud, chaotic and busy.

And my kids were the sort of boys who needed that and they got used to that. Almost like a dog who is used to running miles will want and expect that ….and a dog who stays in and sleeps all day will get used to that too. But my kids needed to run off that energy.

I’ve taught kids in my school career who never go outside. They’re delicate girls who enjoy drawing and dressing up. They’re boys who are happy to stay in pjs and play Lego, build dens, watch films etc. none of them are right or wrong. You do what you think is right at the time.

i had a boy in my class years ago whose family loved restaurants. And that was totally his life. He really knew no different from a young age. Every weekend was taking up with varying degrees of restauranting and eating.

every child is different.

We have a 3 and 7 year old and weekends are all about the dcs and family time. We've chosen it to be that way, we like spending time together and there's not enough time in the week. We do some scheduled activities and some trips out, usually to an activity that we can all enjoy (museums, galleries, concerts, theatre, historic houses), not just kid's activities all the time.

My youngest has been in preschool since she was 2 so I have some child-free time in the week for my own interests (I work freelance a few hours a week) and I'm happy to view weekends as family time and don't feel the need to have any more time on my own. In our area it's the norm to have some weekend classes but more parents work ft so they tend to carve out some solo time for themselves. I wouldn't like that though as it would shorten the time that we have for trips out, to the extent that we couldn't do some of them once you factor in the classes and travel time.

My kids aren't noisy 24/7. And if they are being noisy then either I move rooms or they get told to go somewhere else in the house.

I have one child and when he was young, weekends were all about him and I loved it. We had some brilliant adventures together. It should be noted he can't remember very much of it at all.

I think whatever your family is happy with, is the right thing to do. There isn't a right or wrong way.

My weekend this weekend will look like

Saturday - 9.30 football match for DS2 (5)
11.30 football match for DS1 (9)
3pm indoor cricket match for DS1
sunday 8.30 - swimming lesson for both DS, 1 hour visit with my grandparents, mass, and then DH and DS1have season tickets for a premier league club and they will be at the football and me and DS2 will be at home

if we want to go out especially together we have to work out whether children can still get to their activities

This is really interesting / reassuring.

DP and I are aligned on only having 1 child and your description of your weekend away with your 5 y/o is precisely the kind of family life we envisage and hope for. 😊

I think it’s definitely easier to carve you time out with just one child.

Yes it is
but you gave two
we have two they are teens now and yes most of our leisure time and money is all about them

that’s ok though we chose to have them we can’t think of any better reasons to spend time and money on

it’s just what happens you can get frustrated from it or just lean in and enjoy it

once ours were a bit older they started to play together and watching their relationship grow was also fun

No ones frustrated, just asking

That’s such a bold statement and it’s not one size fits all.

It’s not easier to carve your time out with just one kid if you are a single parent
its not easier if your child has SEN
it’s not easier if your child is disabled
its not easier if you are working full time, compared to a mum of 2 or 3 who only works part time
It’s not easier if you have zero family or friend support network, vs a parent with multiple kids that has grandparents who want to babysit whenever you need them too

I have one DD who is 3 and so high energy it feels as though all day we are running to keep pace with her lol. DH and I don’t have luxurious weekends where it’s easy and lots of brunches and relaxing with movies. On top of full-time work for both of us, we really are quite occupied at the moment. I wish we had family support but we don’t.

I’m one of three and my parents made sure we had the basics, but didn’t really entertain us on weekends and such beyond that (weird, I know).

Well, it was specifically referring to weekends. Of course, life with a child or children with SEN and disabilities is always going to be harder than those with non disabled children. And life as a single parent is always going to be harder than those in a partnership. But even then, two is going to be harder than one in that set up: in other words, if you are a single parent then a single parent with two is harder than a single parent with one.

How much do you think you remember though @TippyTee ? I know what you mean as in my memory I played independently for ages but I was probably quite a bit older than my children are now.

To be fair they both do play pretty well independently especially given DDs age. They commented on it at nursery the other day, actually.

We mix it up. Our son (5) has Stagecoach on Saturday mornings so we take daughter (1.5) shopping or to the library during that time.

The rest of the time is split between house chores and either playing games indoors, going to a park, museum or National Trust or visiting people.

We do our own hobbies in the evening when the kids are asleep.

With limited childcare options the kids sometimes have to do boring stuff like come to B&Q or ‘help’ with DIY and, honestly, we also can’t afford to do fun activities every weekend but… eh… that’s just life sometimes and I don’t think it’s a bad thing that the kids learn that sometimes we need to dust or paint a wall or do the gardening.

I honestly think the going to friends houses and drinking a bit of wine while the kids run riot is a godsend. Children need unstructured play and also to see adults enjoying socialising with other adults.

I absolutely agree with you. I don't think we do kids any favours by not showing them that parents are humans with needs and wants too. Having all and every weekend centered on just the childrens wants is unrealistic. It's healthy for kids to be bored sometimes and it's healthy for kids to see their parents enjoying themselves with other adults.

I’m a part time worker as well with a young dc and a baby on the way and even I just don’t really understand what your OP is about.

Seems like you just want reassurance you have a great life just because you work 2 days a week and have 2 kids and do lots of activities.

I’ve noticed a common theme of “oh it must be so easier with just 1”

You haven’t given much info about your friends, maybe they work more than you and have less free time?

Your life is always going to be different to others because you’re a different person. Not better not worse just different

I think what my OP was about was wondering wheat what point weekends or free time stop revolving so much about the children. I’m not sure where the great life comment comes from unless you think some toddler groups and a kids sport is a great life! I mean, it is in a way but not exactly aspirational. I’ve enjoyed reading the thread, anyway.