Husband didn’t celebrate my ‘win’

[Thatpunkjumper]

Working on a high level project for many months was waiting to find out if it had been funded and approved - it was a long shot but hard work put in by the team I led and it got approved on Friday and today we found out we had additional funding allocated based on the strength of out proposal. I worked so hard on this and this win was beyond my wildest dreams professionally- I had numerous msg from family and friends wishing me well and asking how I’d got on nothing from husband and when I came home and told him and said excitedly to the kids hopefully this will mean more money for mummy which I can spend on you he said it won’t be as much as xxx’s dad makes (nb I’m on 60k a year xxs’s is on 200 k plus so I know I’m small fry but for me I’m over what I thought I’d be earning) I felt diminished I know I’m not that high level but for me I’m doing better than I ever expected thus is a big win and was so non interested (fine it’s my work probably boring to every one else) but for the time effort I would have celebrated him

I don't understand why you're not telling him how this made you feel rather than us.

My ex husband was like this. One of the many reasons he's an ex.

Firstly @Thatpunkjumper a massive congratulations to you and your team!!! The vast amount of time, hard work and dedication put in by you all is definitely reason to celebrate, so my advice would be to organise a night out with your team to celebrate your success. Dad can stay home and look after the kids and tell him seen as he didn't have decency to champion you on your success like you've always done to him, he isn't invited. Take a leaf out of his book next time. I'm so sorry, you don't deserve it. Look forward to the future prospects xxx

I haven’t seen others tbh, it just works for me….

Me neither, even if I eventually forgave….i would never forget….anyway enough about that miserable fecker…well done you OP….excellent result and delighted all your hard work has paid off….🙂

Why is he comparing you (who I assume is a woman?) to another man's earnings? Has he not heard of the gender pay gap. Also are your jobs even comparable? And how would he feel if you said the same to him? After he is on £50k and not £200k!

BTW congratulations!

Post your name and address, and we will all inundate you with congratulatory cards, flowers, balloons etc.

Only kidding, obviously. But I have such a burning desire to irritate your DH....

Sounds familiar.

Honestly I feel so sad for you. He does sound a jealous bastard.

I find the focus on money really strange - from both of you. Is it something you often talk about around your kids?

Ugh, I'd be telling him 'yeah, x's Dad is on 200k so why is our DC Dad not on that? Work harder!'

My ex was like this. I worked hard to get to uni after being a stay at home parent because I had to work round his shifts as he refused to change to a job with set hours so we could both work. I was so excited to have gotten in to my top choice, but his reaction deflated me. Then he continued to complain because he was having to do some childcare and wasn't happy with his own job - after me having aid for years I would work evenings and weekends so he could retrain!

Anyway, some people are just like that. Ignore him and don't let it ruin anything...that's what he wants! Congratulations and well done to you and your team. More financial stability for when you finally get fed up with him and get rid.

Thatpunkjumper
First of all big Congratulations and Well Done!
You've worked so hard and truly deserve it
Jealousy, arrogance and belittlement plus resentment are not traits a caring sharing partner should have when their other half have achieved something wonderful
Just saying..........

How incredibly, unequivocally cunty

Well done💐💐💐👏👏👏What an achievement.

I think he might feel threatened. By this 200k guy and now you have proved you can provide better than him, too.

He's a jealous pathetic loser. I'd be questioning the relationship too. Doesn't take much to big you up and make your night special. He had to cut you down. Massive prick.

All I ever think when I read these threads is how mumsnet has a high percentage of posters whose households have a £200k plus earner.

He feels threatened so had to cut you down to size to make himself feel better.
That's easier than working his ass off to get a promotion or to earn more than you.

Well done OP 👏 and I'm sorry about your husband's misogynistic attitude, you deserve better but don't let that reaction from him put you off.
Sadly some men still struggle with successful women. 🙄

I'm sorry OP, what a knob he is. My dh would probably be similar in this situation. I tell him I've had a bad day and his has always been worse. No sympathy. No empathy. No joy for stuff for I've achieved, inc when I finally got a job after 10 months of being unemployed due to redundancy.

It's why I refer to him in my head as my first husband (better things are coming, I hope).

Massive congratulations on your huge success at work - focus on the positive people around you who are proud of you 💐

Stop ever cheerleadering him again. Take a day out alone this weekend meet a friend, get away from him. If your marriage is ending, you have so much power now to move on. Personally I wouldn't live with a person like this. Think carefully.
Your children will start copying hix put downs, then you'll know its time to leave,
My exh was awful in many ways. I got away.
Be strong

Wow op congratulations go you,
So tomorrow treat you and children to dinner out leave him a note to say your out celebrating your win, and pick up a nice bunch of flowers on your way home, sod him op, and again bloody congratulations 👏👏
You celebrate with your family and leave him out

Well at least you can support yourself.

I out earn my DH and he couldn’t be happier 😂 Your DH is a jealous twat.

Congrats on your achievement op! And I'm sorry that this was the response you were met with.

How were things today? I think if it were me I'd be sitting down with him and stating exactly what was said verbatim and then asking him to explain why he said it before explaining the impact it had on you. I'd be setting out clearly your expectations from him as a husband and partner and reminding him of the times you've had his corner and celebrated his wins. I'd also be pointing out the impact on your kids.

If it happened again I'd be looking into marriage counselling in a last ditch attempt to salvage.

I'd also just say it's important to surround yourself with people who do champion you, especially if he's not one of them.

Has it always been this way or is this new behaviour for him?

I find your comment strange. Additional money coming in is important to most families. Out of all the subject matter available, I'd say talking about additional money as household income in front of kids isn't a bad thing, unless it's accompanied by other subjects within a conversation. The husband talking about xxx dad earning 200k isn't an interest shared by OP