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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband didn’t celebrate my ‘win’

237 replies

Thatpunkjumper · 02/02/2026 22:48

Working on a high level project for many months was waiting to find out if it had been funded and approved - it was a long shot but hard work put in by the team I led and it got approved on Friday and today we found out we had additional funding allocated based on the strength of out proposal. I worked so hard on this and this win was beyond my wildest dreams professionally- I had numerous msg from family and friends wishing me well and asking how I’d got on nothing from husband and when I came home and told him and said excitedly to the kids hopefully this will mean more money for mummy which I can spend on you he said it won’t be as much as xxx’s dad makes (nb I’m on 60k a year xxs’s is on 200 k plus so I know I’m small fry but for me I’m over what I thought I’d be earning) I felt diminished I know I’m not that high level but for me I’m doing better than I ever expected thus is a big win and was so non interested (fine it’s my work probably boring to every one else) but for the time effort I would have celebrated him

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 02/02/2026 23:20

he said it won’t be as much as xxx’s dad makes

'But it's more than you, dear'

If he's going to be shitty, be shitty back.

Original poster
Thatpunkjumper · 02/02/2026 23:22

Thank you making me feel semi sane as I was worried I’d be so hyper focused on work for become ultra sensitive- in don’t think I am but for that to be my
‘welcome home’ was a kicked in the teeth. He’s currently silent and I’ve had to sort out the kids uniforms pack lunches etc as he’s retreated and disengaged

OP posts:
Original poster
Thatpunkjumper · 02/02/2026 23:22

Shinyandnew1 · 02/02/2026 23:20

he said it won’t be as much as xxx’s dad makes

'But it's more than you, dear'

If he's going to be shitty, be shitty back.

I will do next time love if 💕🙌💕

OP posts:
Moveoverdarlin · 02/02/2026 23:26

I would have it out with him. Tell him ‘I couldn’t really give a flying fuck what Josh’s Dad earns, it’s a bloke we know from school and he isn’t going to be forking out for my MOT or annual holiday - I am. So just to let you know I am over the fucking moon with this news today. I’ve had texts from all my family and friends, and when I told the person who I love most in the world, they literally pissed all over my chips in front of our children and made me feel like a stupid child for getting so excited. Why compare me to a man earning 200 grand? You’ve fucking ruined this day for me and it will now always be tainted. Did you mean to be such a spiteful cunt?

MidnightMeltdown · 02/02/2026 23:27

Ooof what a prick. That’s a very deliberate put down. As others have said, he’s clearly jealous that you earn more than him.

Noshadelamp · 02/02/2026 23:27

Thatpunkjumper · 02/02/2026 22:58

it been massively impactful if I’m honest I’ve not been able to speak to him directly since as I’m just so disappointed in him together 10 years I’ve always been his biggest champion

Exactly, you've been his biggest champion because clearly he's the most important person in your family, so he thinks.
It's a total lack of respect, he takes you for granted and doesn't see you as a person in your own right.

WheresthesaladTheresthesalad · 02/02/2026 23:28

Congratulations on your achievement, absolutely brilliant! Your hard work has paid off, be proud.

As for your husband, his behaviour is utterly appalling. Cutting you down when he should be your biggest champion.

I had a father who did this constantly. It is appalling and impactful. Eventually went NC with him in my late 40s as couldn't take it any more. These people are pathetic but they are relentless in their patheticness.

You deserve better OP 💐

Wreckinball · 02/02/2026 23:30

Jealousy is so ugly. I hope he gets the hint and apologises to you wholeheartedly for his behaviour and congratulates you. Well done to you

MsAmerica · 02/02/2026 23:30

Well, did you say something to him?

Noshadelamp · 02/02/2026 23:33

Shinyandnew1 · 02/02/2026 23:20

he said it won’t be as much as xxx’s dad makes

'But it's more than you, dear'

If he's going to be shitty, be shitty back.

I completely misunderstood the op, I thought it must have been her DH that earned more. Because why would he set himself up for the op to say this?

Where on earth does he get the AUDACITY to put op down with a comment like that when he earns LESS than xxx's dad AND @Thatpunkjumper

Bestfootforward11 · 02/02/2026 23:33

Huge congrats! Well done, that sounds like a huge amount of work and it really paid off!
I am afraid your DH is a small and mean spirited man. He couldnt let you just have your moment and had to stomp on it. He should be your biggest champion and be thrilled his wife is so brilliant. I don’t know how the rest of things are in your relationship such that it would be worth telling him how he made your feel? I suspect there’s other stuff. You are not being over sensitive, he’s being a fool.

tachetastic · 02/02/2026 23:34

Shinyandnew1 · 02/02/2026 23:20

he said it won’t be as much as xxx’s dad makes

'But it's more than you, dear'

If he's going to be shitty, be shitty back.

See I was going to go with:

"and he has a bigger dick than you...."

but your version is more family friendly! 😂

BooneyBeautiful · 02/02/2026 23:34

TappyGilmore · 02/02/2026 22:53

YANBU. I was getting ready to say that a lack
of celebration probably just means that he doesn’t realise what a big deal it is, but the comment about not as much as xxxx’s dad makes is just low and pathetic.

This is the sort of thing my ex-H would say. He didn't like me being happy and/or successful, hence the ex.

VoltaireMittyDream · 02/02/2026 23:35

Northerngirl821 · 02/02/2026 22:49

Have you explained to him how you feel?

I never understand this kind of comment.

Surely nobody with an average IQ and even remotely passable social skills should need it explained to him why this was an outrageously cunty thing to say.

dimples76 · 02/02/2026 23:40

Well done, you! I am so sorry that your celebrations were spoiled

Witchyvibes · 02/02/2026 23:41

Oh, that sucks! How mean of him! I'd take the chance to set an example for your kids- organise a celebration because you're so proud (rightly) of what you've achieved, and teach them to celebrate their own successes no matter who tries to diminish them (and shame the bejeezus out of you husband while you're at it).

arethereanyleftatall · 02/02/2026 23:42

Sorry but I think this is bigger than this.

if people I love and like achieve something wonderful, I am happy for them.

And the reverse. He isn’t happy that you’re happy op.

given what you’ve said, I think this is the final nail that’s made you realise.

sorry op.

ilovesooty · 02/02/2026 23:42

Wreckinball · 02/02/2026 23:30

Jealousy is so ugly. I hope he gets the hint and apologises to you wholeheartedly for his behaviour and congratulates you. Well done to you

Even if he does he won't be able to unsay what he said or undo the hurt he's caused. @Thatpunkjumper I would be devastated.

TheFireHorse · 02/02/2026 23:46

I think your eyes have now been opened. I suspect this isn't the only time he's put you down.

Maybe you're just seeing it now?

No one who loves you behaves like this. Sorry OP and huge congratulations!!

Driftingawaynow · 02/02/2026 23:49

OSTMusTisNT · 02/02/2026 22:59

Your DH has small penis syndrome.

Please don’t. Comments like this are really foul and cruel

Original poster
Thatpunkjumper · 02/02/2026 23:55

Yes that why it’s so hurtful there’s no way back from this. I’m a wimp I’ve not said anything because there too much to say so I’ve been silent and he’s been silent (very unusual so he knows he’s done something( just such a shame for the kids they were so excited when I got home and were asking why mummy was sad before bed)

OP posts:
sunshinestar1986 · 02/02/2026 23:57

Thatpunkjumper · 02/02/2026 22:48

Working on a high level project for many months was waiting to find out if it had been funded and approved - it was a long shot but hard work put in by the team I led and it got approved on Friday and today we found out we had additional funding allocated based on the strength of out proposal. I worked so hard on this and this win was beyond my wildest dreams professionally- I had numerous msg from family and friends wishing me well and asking how I’d got on nothing from husband and when I came home and told him and said excitedly to the kids hopefully this will mean more money for mummy which I can spend on you he said it won’t be as much as xxx’s dad makes (nb I’m on 60k a year xxs’s is on 200 k plus so I know I’m small fry but for me I’m over what I thought I’d be earning) I felt diminished I know I’m not that high level but for me I’m doing better than I ever expected thus is a big win and was so non interested (fine it’s my work probably boring to every one else) but for the time effort I would have celebrated him

Gosh, how sad.
How would he feel if you said, still more than you eh?

Original poster
Thatpunkjumper · 02/02/2026 23:57

It’s such a shame I cannot begin to tell you the work that went into this it’s been a huge piece of work for all our us

OP posts:
unsync · 03/02/2026 00:00

Thatpunkjumper · 02/02/2026 23:10

Not much less than me he’s 44-50k and we NEED every penny so why he’s not happy at the likely additional money is beyond my comprehension

Show quote history

He's not happy because you earning more is making him feel insecure and emasculated. He's a misogynistic dick who thinks he's better than you. You've just shown him that's not the case and he doesn't like it.

Well done, don't let him piss on your parade.

tiredlazydoesntmatter · 03/02/2026 00:05

OP congratulations on your achievement and I hope you can continue feeling massively proud of yourself.
Show your husband this thread and hopefully he will feel guilty and embarrassed by his response to your promotion.💐Xx

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