Husband didn’t celebrate my ‘win’

[Thatpunkjumper]

Working on a high level project for many months was waiting to find out if it had been funded and approved - it was a long shot but hard work put in by the team I led and it got approved on Friday and today we found out we had additional funding allocated based on the strength of out proposal. I worked so hard on this and this win was beyond my wildest dreams professionally- I had numerous msg from family and friends wishing me well and asking how I’d got on nothing from husband and when I came home and told him and said excitedly to the kids hopefully this will mean more money for mummy which I can spend on you he said it won’t be as much as xxx’s dad makes (nb I’m on 60k a year xxs’s is on 200 k plus so I know I’m small fry but for me I’m over what I thought I’d be earning) I felt diminished I know I’m not that high level but for me I’m doing better than I ever expected thus is a big win and was so non interested (fine it’s my work probably boring to every one else) but for the time effort I would have celebrated him

My husbands mum used to do this to my husband constantly. Its horrible, and im not surprised you feel how you do. Just remind yourself that what you achieved is amazing. I can barely get the kids out the house in matching shoes. You're incredible.

A few good suggestions above... I liked "but its more than you earn dear". But realistically I would just have to have it out with him in the same fashion as this PP. Honesty is always the best policy.

OP feck him. Understand you were taken aback but good on you for not replying and isn’t it a shame your Dad doesn’t earn the same as xxx.
This is your wake up call. What an absolute cad not celebrating the win that wouldn’t of happened but for the efforts of you and your Team.
Check out and dry those tears. You rock. They rock. And what an absolute coup to pull it off. If he can’t celebrate your wins and be there through worst of times what is the actual point. Find a way to do something you love. You deserve it and any time you wobble just mind if it had been him you’d of got down with the vibe and given credit where it was due.

There’s more to this story than meets the eye. What he is quoted as saying makes absolutely no sense at all. Anyone who repeatedly compares themself to other children’s fathers is seriously messed up.

It's a nasty comment which he should not have said, but he likely wants you to do even better. The reality is that most men nowadays are dependent on their wives as the high earners. Women are able to progress more easily due to being more likeable and having better interpersonal skills, whereas men simply get stuck at the average salary level.

So I don't think he doesn't want you to succeed, but maybe next time he won't be a dick about your successes.

He actually sounds a bit jealous.

Go out and celebrate with your kids and family, don’t invite him.

I would fight this if not for you then for the children, this is shitty behaviour and shouldn’t be allowed in your home.

Oh yessss!
Bloody love this idea!!
Count me in!!

Congrats OP 🥇🏆💐

my husabnd wasn't supportive when I was finishing my phd research some of which id already published and was getting a lot of acclaim. at the end it was almost like he was sabotaging it. well it worked. for various reasons he put me under immense stress at the end and I went into psychosis from anxiety and lost everythign even my physical health. I am like a husk now and sucidial everyday becasue I have nothing. I dont know if it was intentional or not but I even have disabilities now from thins that happened during the psychosis. it rough back childhood trauma too. its horrendous - im completely deranged now. and nothing like my old self. I look back and see other controlling behaviours too. I dont tihnk he meant it but like you my career was beyond my wildest dreams especially coming form a background of poverty and trauma and now im back there again and even worse

You should shake yourself off and take the opportunity to teach your kids without putting him down that the extra money will be nice and success isn’t measured by how much you earn as a person / no point spoiling your week that’s also your choice - stand tall be proud and show them how to not let another person’s insecurities or poor behaviour towards another derail you or them … well done on the win

That’s incredibly hurtful @Thatpunkjumper. It will take a long time to get over that

How are you feeling @Thatpunkjumper now that you’ve had time to reflect? Have you spoken with him?

Small minded jealous prick.

Such a shame, you didn’t reply with, it far exceeds you though doesn’t it, mr big man.

I know you wouldn’t want to say that in front of your DCs, but he deserved it.