Husband didn’t celebrate my ‘win’

[Thatpunkjumper]

Working on a high level project for many months was waiting to find out if it had been funded and approved - it was a long shot but hard work put in by the team I led and it got approved on Friday and today we found out we had additional funding allocated based on the strength of out proposal. I worked so hard on this and this win was beyond my wildest dreams professionally- I had numerous msg from family and friends wishing me well and asking how I’d got on nothing from husband and when I came home and told him and said excitedly to the kids hopefully this will mean more money for mummy which I can spend on you he said it won’t be as much as xxx’s dad makes (nb I’m on 60k a year xxs’s is on 200 k plus so I know I’m small fry but for me I’m over what I thought I’d be earning) I felt diminished I know I’m not that high level but for me I’m doing better than I ever expected thus is a big win and was so non interested (fine it’s my work probably boring to every one else) but for the time effort I would have celebrated him

All food for thought thank you

Huge congratulations. Please do not let him take away how good you felt to have achieved this. Go girl.

Congratulations to you & your team on your fantastic achievement, OP! MN is celebrating you tonight.

Please don’t let your husband bring you down. He’s clearly threatened because you’ve surpassed him and this is mean-spirited and his way of bringing you down.

I wish you all the best with your work and with your decision on what to do next.

Congratulations!!! That's a huge deal! I'm sorry that your dh is such a wet blanket.

Thank you all for reassuring me I hadn’t overreacted I’ll need to deal with that now but it’s for the I m ow this is not ok x

OP, Don’t allow yourself to feel like this- stay strong like you did when getting your project through. Celebrate your success and take your kids out for a nice meal. And book yourself a spa too. Your husband sounds jealous.

This is what a small, ugly, petty man looks like.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Put him on an information diet OP, he is now not someone to share your wins.

Congratulations on this huge success.
You cannot change him but you can certainly detach and protect yourself.

His silence is to punish you for not accepting him making a show of himself in front of his children.

His model of manhood is pathetic.
You won't forget his go to behaviour in the face of your win, nor should you.
Some behaviour can not be unseen.

Make sure you tell family and friends what an insecure twat he is.

Well done.

Is he usually a completely self centred cunt who can't stand anyone to do well without trying to make them feel like shit - or is this a one off?

Unfortunately, that was the intention.

Do you outearn him? It seems like your success intimidates him so he wants to humble you.

Oh, so it's not as much as xxx dad makes is it? Well why doesn't he just fuck off and marry HIM then if your money's not good enough!

As a fellow woman and MNer, I am very proud of you! It's not just about money is it? It's about the hard slog and the recognition. The feeling of seeing plans come to fruition. Being seen, heard and validated. Someone saying 'Yes, this team is capable'. Well done!

Congratulations, his spiteful remark would make me lose all respect for him. How old is he 7, it is such a infantile remark, normally accompanied by children going ner, ner, ner, ner.
Don't be a wimp, he really needs to be told how pathetic he sounds, tell him he sounds jealous, and that he must feel threatened.
He is a bad example to the children, and the admiration for xxxx Father is pathetic, otherwise why would he bring him into a conversation that had nothing to do with this man.
I would honestly think about leaving

Don’t allow his misery to steal your thunder you and your team worked bloody hard for this big win be proud of yourself and tell him to go fuck himself hard with a cactus.

He's jealous you now earn more than him.
Congratulations to you. You should celebrate (without him).

Congratulations and well done for working so hard, to get the funding and approval
You should be very proud of yourself and your team.
Im sorry your husband didn't give you the praise you deserved. That was mean and uncalled for in his response. I hope he feels inadequate because he can’t achieve what you have. 🌺

THIS

THIS

What is it with the ubiquitous "book a spa break" suggestions lately?

What a nasty piece of work, I’d never forgive that. Ever.

Ex-DP and I sat in my silence at the ‘celebratory’ drinks for my bonus one year. At this point we were living together and supposedly on track to build a life together where, presumably, wealth would be shared. But he couldn’t bring himself to be happy for me.

Men like him and your DH are envious, insecure and competitive. They will drag you down instead of lifting you up.

If it’s not easy to walk from this utter bellend, then just hold your head high and continue excelling. It will piss him off no end and will hopefully mean you will soon be in a position to leave him behind. Best of luck.

I had one of those. I ended up minimising all my achievements as he would then be in a 'mood'. There came a point i stopped telling him at all cause I couldn't stand the silent treatment.

After he left (he met someone else), I realised how crappy his behaviour had always been. Jealousy is a very unattractive trait.

Dont let anyone dim your sparkle. Well done OP!!! Go out and celebrate (on your own if you need to). You deserve it.

Congratulations! I shall raise my next glass of bubbly (OK so it's bubbly orange, but it's the thought right?! 😉) to your team and your brilliance as their leader. It's a double success really as not only have you achieved this as a person, but also as a leader, and that's another whole skill to doing the work yourself, so double well done.

Forget his small-mindedness and remind yourself how wonderfully you've done and enjoy feeling good about your success, you deserve to!

I mean it sounds like he is threatened by you earning more and being more successful. This is a bad sign of narcissist behaviour unfortunately. You could tell him how you feel but I suspect he will become angry defensive and stonewall you right and that's why you haven't?

"Yes, not as much as Tom's dad makes but more than daddy makes".

Congratulations OP on your success!! You're husband was not right in not recognising your hard work and the potential contribution it brings to the family which you absolutely should have been excited about.

However, a "rich" point of reference "for the family" for someone you hardly know and openly discuss with a child ?!

Rich isn't being just cash rich to the £'s. It's just one to watch as the £s don't necessarily mean happy, fulfilled, content etc. and as you say you don't know this guy only apparently his earnings.

Having said that I do think your husband should have been happy for you and celebrating your hard work.