AIBU, or am I being pathetic?

[DontTellMama]

Single mum of 2 teens.

Since the youngest was 5, I’ve taken them by myself on holidays to Europe with Neilson or Mark Warner. When the kids were younger these holidays really worked for us; they would be entertained in kids club and I could do nothing all the activities.

However, youngest is now saying that they “don’t really like” package holidays, and want to do something else. Their suggestion is flying somewhere, renting a caravan for a week, and driving wherever we want to go to explore the country.

In theory, I do quite like the suggestion. But the reality is that the idea makes me feel very anxious, and I want to go on holiday to relax, not to feel more stressed.

But I don’t know if IABU to say no to this sort of holiday, or if I’m just being pathetic and need to get over the fear.

My worries are:
Being the only adult present, being a single woman driving in an unfamiliar place, being the only one who can drive, and needing to make most of the decisions.
I have OCD around germs/illness, and going on holiday stresses me out anyway. I just about cope when we go somewhere that I know the format of (like the Neilson/MW resorts), and feel supported by the umbrella of the organisation who can call a medic if needed and can speak the local language. Being by myself and totally responsible for 2 kids if something goes wrong really worries me.

I feel pathetic. Their dad is full of the spirit of adventure and wouldn’t hesitate to take a trip like this (but he also has a partner who is a doctor!), and I feel like a scared little useless woman who isn’t willing to take risks or do anything exciting. I’m sort of ok with that, but as the kids get older, I wonder if I’m holding them back by not being brave enough.

AIBU to stick with what I know?

Try it, have an adventure!

Why not suggest their Dad takes them on this adventure and you take them on the one you normally do?

How old are your kids?

Yeah I'd have the absolute fear driving in other countries. What about interrailing round Europe.

Remember it’s also your holiday which you’re paying for. Do what you want. And to be honest, I also like not doing much on holiday!

Oh he does. They ski with him every year and later in the year they are going to the far east with him, so they definitely do exciting with him. Which feels as though it highlights the chasm of difference between us. With dad they go skiing off piste and to far away lands, with me they do the familiar (and, to me, safe)

I don’t think you are scared little useless woman, I think you are sensible and realistic. Staying in a caravan in a foreign country with 2 teens and driving around during the day 🤔 what could possibly go wrong…
And as it’s your holiday too and I suspect you are paying for it you have the casting vote.
I think you can do a bit of a compromise e.g staying somewhere in a hotel and doing day trips but staying in a more unusual destination.

17 and 13.

17yo is ND and behaves a lot younger than 17.

We would only be going for a week - I’d imagine that we would need longer if inter railing?

Interrailing is a brilliant idea-you can have the same spirit of adventure but no driving, and traveling across Europe by train is super-cool. You can also pre book all your accommodation so no real risks but it will feel very adventurous.

Could you suggest some sort of teens adventure holiday either in this country or abroad without you while you do your kind of break separately?

Thx.. With this I’d say hold off on any open road adventures until one of them is driving.

Something like this does need at least 2 drivers to not be a total burden on the the lone chauffeur. However with that being said are there some alternatives that that might be an option? I’m not familiar with the holidays you’ve described but if they are great for your younger kids they may have aged out. And there may be different ones that tick all the boxes.

Can you maybe do a UK based trial

Could you do a smaller version of what the child wants that you are also comfortable with? A few days in a hotel in a city with good public transport? That way you would have the security of a hotel concierge if anyone got sick and you wouldn't have to drive.
Obviously, it would be more expensive than a caravan, which would be a reason to have a shorter stay.

What about an experience based holiday like safari in Africa, you could split it 3 days safari and 4 days beach if you wanted. The top end hotels will provide a driver and transport.

I have travelled as a single parent around the world with my son. Often including driving as well. We have DIY/flash packed through Asia, exploring places like Cambodia, Thailand, Mexico. He is an adult now and looks back on the memories fondly and it's really shaped who he is as a person, and it's done him the world of food to see how other people live. We have found ourselves in some quite strange situations, but it all added to the adventure and certainly gave memories and stories to think of for life!!

Maybe don't start with backpacking around Vietnam. Perhaps try somewhere a bit tamer that won't be such a culture shock. Go somewhere with good public transport links, and where you either speak the language and/or they are used to English tourists. Saves getting used to driving on the wrong side of the road then. Although some countries drive the same as us (e.g. Cyprus)

Interrailing around Europe is a great idea.

Or how about hiring a camper and doing a road trip in the UK?

You can still have adventures, they will be just be different to the ones they have with their dad, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I’d also suggest trains - you can get to Paris or Brussels or Amsterdam. Or fly somewhere that has excellent rail connections. Stockholm. Berlin. Paris. Madrid.

What about a compromise? There’s some great holiday parks/water parks around France/spain - say no to the driving/hiring a caravan etc but look at some places together and see if there’s something you can all agree on x

This.

City break by train sounds a great plan.

I’d do a city break somewhere - stay in a hotel with a b&b deal, and use public transport in and around the city. We’ve done Berlin, Barcelona and Budapest with teens and without a car, and I would recommend any of them. Or, as someone mentioned, Cyprus. I drove round Cyprus quite happily. I have driven abroad on the ‘wrong’ side of the road, but I never feel very relaxed!

Was going to suggest a UK trial too, maybe flying or driving over the border so it’s still somewhat exciting. I don’t think you’re pathetic at all as this doesn’t sound like a relaxing holiday and chances are the kids might be bored of being on the road after a couple of days. I would get them to suggest it to their Dad and you could try a different country or resort with the kids instead

I do think you’re being a bit pathetic tbh. My parents never took me on holiday anywhere outside the UK and part of that was down to my mum’s anxiety around travelling and I feel as an adult I grew up with a very limited worldview. That said, there are tons of things you can do that aren’t either package holiday or a campervan. I agree with suggestions for city breaks and trains. Or what about something like going to Tallinn and getting the ferry over to Helsinki? The train from Amsterdam to Berlin? Somewhere with a lot of history and natural beauty like Slovenia?

Yeah, and you could fly there in your gold helicopter!

I think let Dad do the exciting adrenaline things. Its ok for you to do the relaxing holidays. If they don't like the activities they can chill by a pool, read, sunbathe. You're teaching them its ok just to relax, and thats a great lesson.