AIBU, or am I being pathetic?

[DontTellMama]

Single mum of 2 teens.

Since the youngest was 5, I’ve taken them by myself on holidays to Europe with Neilson or Mark Warner. When the kids were younger these holidays really worked for us; they would be entertained in kids club and I could do nothing all the activities.

However, youngest is now saying that they “don’t really like” package holidays, and want to do something else. Their suggestion is flying somewhere, renting a caravan for a week, and driving wherever we want to go to explore the country.

In theory, I do quite like the suggestion. But the reality is that the idea makes me feel very anxious, and I want to go on holiday to relax, not to feel more stressed.

But I don’t know if IABU to say no to this sort of holiday, or if I’m just being pathetic and need to get over the fear.

My worries are:
Being the only adult present, being a single woman driving in an unfamiliar place, being the only one who can drive, and needing to make most of the decisions.
I have OCD around germs/illness, and going on holiday stresses me out anyway. I just about cope when we go somewhere that I know the format of (like the Neilson/MW resorts), and feel supported by the umbrella of the organisation who can call a medic if needed and can speak the local language. Being by myself and totally responsible for 2 kids if something goes wrong really worries me.

I feel pathetic. Their dad is full of the spirit of adventure and wouldn’t hesitate to take a trip like this (but he also has a partner who is a doctor!), and I feel like a scared little useless woman who isn’t willing to take risks or do anything exciting. I’m sort of ok with that, but as the kids get older, I wonder if I’m holding them back by not being brave enough.

AIBU to stick with what I know?

Just a thought, why not a package deal, where you fly, get transfer bus, hotel, meals or not, and then take some excursions out to places of interest. You don’t have to drive in unfamiliar places. You all get to explore but also have the luxury and able to stay in complex.
good luck, hope you find happy compromise

I also am a well seasoned caravan tower, and I would not do this abroad.
A holiday for me is not doing loads of driving, and towing a caravan you need to be even more alert.
I know people who quite happily toddle off on these big tours across america that involve hours of driving almost every day to get to the next place on time, but that is my idea of hell. Especially as the lone driver.
Maybe stay somewhere slightly cheaper, and us the money spent to do various day trips out from your base.

You are not being pathetic at all op!

If your ex and his partner are happy going on great adventures then surely the dc can go with them to do that?

If you are a single parent then I think it’s really important that you enjoy and feel relaxed on holiday so you can recharge properly.

Depending on budget I would rent a self catering villa with on site catering from a main hotel and then hire bicycles and go on expeditions to a local town or to local attractions. Greece or Turkey maybe? Slovenia and Montenegro are both very friendly.

How about a French cycling holiday where the organisation takes your bags forward to the next stop? Choose one with a very relaxed family oriented schedule.

Or Austria or Germany in the summer? I have travelled extensively in both with dc and hygiene standards are generally excellent. I love a ski resort in the summer! Lots of walking trails and activities for teens!

Slovenia is a great idea. Dead easy to get around in their public buses too, which are cheap. We did three weeks there, no car. Areas like the Julian Alps and the lakes have great seasonal bus networks so really very easy. I’d do a couple of days in Ljubljana and a few days at Lake Bohinj if you only have a week.

I mean unless they are suggesting Iran, I think you’ll find that in most European countries they have hospitals, and most people speak English. How about somewhere like Belgium or Holland - close, everyone pretty much everywhere speaks English, lots of interesting places to visit. You could ditch the caravan idea and stay somewhere central, and go out in day trips by public transport. Ease yourself in gently.

I think you need to change it up a bit. Why not somewhere like a city breaj for a few days and then go to the beach for a few days. Barcelona- can do the city stuff and find some activities the kids will like and then go to the beach and enjoy a few days there. Don't have high expectations- learn to live in the moment. Choosing a city/tourist area means there is usually someone who speaks English and there are translators on your phone now.

I think your anxiety makes sense. So you need to work out a plan and then find ways to make you feel comfortable. Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone could be a benefit to you, abd you can get the kids to help you plan some of the activities so they feel included.

I think I would be donating the cost of the holiday to charity to teach them that some children don’t have enough to eat, never mind the chance to complain that their holiday is exciting enough when they are going on two very expensive breaks.

You could also fly into naples, do a night there. Then go to sorrento as your base, day trip to pompei, visit the amalfi coast, can also do a trip to the island of ischia. Stick in chat gpt 7 day itinerary for arriving in naples and staying in sorrento, visiting the places you want to visit with a couple of beach days included. Just ask it to change it till you're happy with what it comes up with.

Edited to add, no driving needed as public transport/trains are really good connecting all areas.

Is there a compromise to be made? To be honest I wouldn’t enjoy spending my holiday driving around and doing activities but a city break or a few different cities by train would be lovely.

I wouldn’t be too keen on a campervan either so I don’t think you’re being pathetic. But there are lots of other things you can try, these are some we’ve done over the last few years -

AI somewhere like Tunisia where you can do trips to Roman ruins and the desert

Multi trip city break. We had a great time in Latvia and Estonia - flew to Riga then got the bus to Tallinn. Or do a few cities in Italy getting the train between them.

We’ve had a few beach holidays with children in Thailand but last time had a week in Bangkok, did some day trips from there, then a week on the beach at krabi, also doing some day trips. If you can get a good deal on flights I’ve found it’s no more expensive than a decent AI in Spain in August (rainy season in Thailand has never bothered us and hotels often have very good deals)

This campsite is just outside Paris and it’s lovely. You can get the train into Paris, it takes 20mins. We had our own tent, but there are cabins that look very nice, too. You could get all the way there and back on the train. Any good?

https://www.sandaya.co.uk/our-campsites/paris-maisons-laffitte

I'd tell them that it was my holiday too and i don't much want to drive around all week, particularly on the opposite side of the road in a strange car.

I'd challenge them to come up with their own suggestions and sit down all together and go through them all.

Dubrovnik is a good shout for teens as there is the city and the beach and the history and the Game of Thrones stuff; there are boat tours to lovely islands and it isn't outrageously expensive.

St Malo is also a decent shout, you can get an overnight ferry and have a cabin, then just drive to the accommodation in your own car and there are loads of walks, history, walls, an island jail, fortifications for photos, and other beaches to visit not too far away. Also a train station for further travel. Loads of history in that region.

You are not being "pathetic." What their dad does with them and what you do is not the main issue here, so don't compare yourself. Explain to your teens that you are happy not to do the usual Warner type holidays for sure, but you feel a little anxious about the driving holiday, and could you reach a compromise? Is there anywhere else/anything else that they'd like to do? Maybe a static kind of glamping alternative, but somewhere very beautiful where you can walk to explore from? Talk to them, they will appreciate that you have listened and are asking their opinion.

Yeah I also kind of agree with this!

If driving/towing a caravan is not your idea of an enjoyable holiday then of course you aren't pathetic! I would not want to either. I'm quite adventurous/brave (I think) and do drive but lots of long distance driving on unfamiliar roads, on the 'wrong side' does not appeal at all. It's your holiday too.

Some people love driving holidays and fair enough but you aren't one of them and that's ok.

There are lots of other ways to have a multi site holiday without driving. Trains, cruise, package including internal transfers (we did this last year and it was great so booked the same this year).

There are holidays in between doing nothing and driving yourself round a new country. I've just booked a package holiday to Iceland with 3 tours included, all the itinerary was sorted by them, I just need to be outside my hotel to catch the coach. The hotel has a spa so I will have time to chill too. I'm sure there will be similar packages in other countries. Pop into a travel agents with your teens and see what they can put together for you.

a Few years ago I took my three teens to Holland, solo. We flew to Amsterdam (great as it’s only an hour), got a train to Utrecht and stayed in an air BnB for 3 nights, then went to a more rurally located air BnB for 3 nights. They absolutely loved it, there was time to chill, things to do, but it was more exciting than a package holiday, and public transport in mainland Europe is so much better than in the uk, it was a breeze. A good compromise?

I’m sure people are going to think I’m on commission (I promise I’m not!) but I’d consider a Eurocamp not far from the Channel ports, as then you would have an English-speaking rep if there were any issues. We have loved Eurocamp holidays in France and the Netherlands. If you wanted better weather you could look further south and fly.

Lots of their sites have good public transport links, eg we’ve stayed at Duinrell and once you’re there, you don’t need a car - you could bus and train to most places you’d want to go, and walk into the town. With others a car might be more beneficial but you could always agree to alternate days on site with days out.

I’d also consider rail and sail to the Netherlands (train to U.K. port then ferry, lots offer deals, pick up public transport on the other side) or Eurostar. Or pick a two-centre city break - Tallinn and Helsinki is a great suggestion. Stockholm and Copenhagen. Budapest/Vienna. Fly into one and out of the other, or train there with stopovers and fly home.

If you don’t feel comfortable doing a driving holiday, don’t allow yourself to be browbeaten into that but for an exploring holiday, these are options I’d look at.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with knowing your limits. I do think you could change things up a bit though. Trains in mainland Europe are fantastic (and very clean) absolutely agree with the suggestions of Amsterdam. And Naples/ Sorrento/ pompeii. Or a seaside area near Barcelona. You could quite easily get a package holiday and get the train in to Barcelona, best of both worlds. Seville.

I was going to say something similar.

Driving your own car would probably be fine. Driving a hired camper is a whole level of extra stress due to the size you’d need for three people, and I wouldn’t entertain towing a caravan for one second.

It takes more time than you think to do all the packing up and setting up, plus you have to keep stopping to buy food (parking a huge camper in a supermarket car park 😱) not to mention the detours to find the supermarkets and then guess who gets the joy of cooking and washing up? Then you have to add on the time to get between places and find campsites that are either close to all the sights and amenities or have good public transport links otherwise you have to pack everything up if you want to go out for the day.

It sounds cool and exciting for a teenager but the reality for the adult doing all the work is quite different. Train + hotels or Airbnb would be my choice.

Tell them if they don't like the holidays you offer, you will happily not go, you can all stay at home, and some of the money saved you will put aside for driving lessons or something else they want when they are 18.
They might just take you up on the offer.

This is time for a lesson about not showing ingratitude.

I wonder if there any sort of adventure camps or similar in UK where you could send your youngest?
I would also look at why they suggest this caravan type of holiday, what is behind this idea? Is it about not liking sharing space with lots of people at the hotel or is it about breakfast/ lunch/ dinner at certain times or it’s just a phase because someone at the school said something.
Then I would look at how to accommodate some of their ideas but not all 🙂

“The thing is, DD, that isn’t much of a holiday for me. I’d have to work hard planning and organising everything, and there would be no back up if we had an emergency. I choose places where I know there’s a system to help if we have any problems, so I can really relax knowing if I fall under a bus or get food poisoning you two will be well looked after!”

I don't see why you have to keep up with the excitement and adventure if you don't enjoy it. They get the chance to do those things with their dad. The holiday is also for you, and you want a familiar environment where you can actually relax. Fair enough. I think since you are paying for it and organising it, you get to choose. Tell your kids you want to have time to relax and time for you all to enjoy each other's company. And when they are paying for and organising the holidays, they can make the decisions about where they go.

What about a city break?