AIBU, or am I being pathetic?

[DontTellMama]

Single mum of 2 teens.

Since the youngest was 5, I’ve taken them by myself on holidays to Europe with Neilson or Mark Warner. When the kids were younger these holidays really worked for us; they would be entertained in kids club and I could do nothing all the activities.

However, youngest is now saying that they “don’t really like” package holidays, and want to do something else. Their suggestion is flying somewhere, renting a caravan for a week, and driving wherever we want to go to explore the country.

In theory, I do quite like the suggestion. But the reality is that the idea makes me feel very anxious, and I want to go on holiday to relax, not to feel more stressed.

But I don’t know if IABU to say no to this sort of holiday, or if I’m just being pathetic and need to get over the fear.

My worries are:
Being the only adult present, being a single woman driving in an unfamiliar place, being the only one who can drive, and needing to make most of the decisions.
I have OCD around germs/illness, and going on holiday stresses me out anyway. I just about cope when we go somewhere that I know the format of (like the Neilson/MW resorts), and feel supported by the umbrella of the organisation who can call a medic if needed and can speak the local language. Being by myself and totally responsible for 2 kids if something goes wrong really worries me.

I feel pathetic. Their dad is full of the spirit of adventure and wouldn’t hesitate to take a trip like this (but he also has a partner who is a doctor!), and I feel like a scared little useless woman who isn’t willing to take risks or do anything exciting. I’m sort of ok with that, but as the kids get older, I wonder if I’m holding them back by not being brave enough.

AIBU to stick with what I know?

To be honest I wouldn’t be up for the driving, I have never driven abroad because the thought of it is so stressful and I think I’d spend the holiday stressing about the next drive.

So I’d be saying no to that but finding some kind of compromise.
For example a train adventure? Or city break somewhere you can get a train to a beach resort for a few days (Barcelona/ Valencia?).

Or a different kind of package holiday where you get your flights and a self catering apartment so you have support if needed but also feels independent and you can do lots of day trips and exploring.

If you stick to Europe you aren’t exactly going to be in the wilderness, there’s going to be good healthcare wherever you are and no more germs than at home!

Maybe give it a try in the UK first. There's some absolutely wonderful areas you could enjoy.

Yanbu.
I wouldn't do it.
Tell your children that they get that from dad and your holidays are relaxing.
Try a hotel with lots of water sports perhaps.
I wouldn't be entertaining this to be honest, beyond looking at a holiday with more onsight activities.
Don't be so hard on yourself.

Have you looked at Duinrell in The Hague?
Activity park, water park etc.
My children just loved it when we brought them a decade ago.
Its a great memory.

Go stay in one place and do day trips by train? Compromise- no driving. You'll have lots of food options in a town so no cooking etc ...

Why do you have to drive. We organise our own holidays in Europe all the time and never drive. We simply use the public transport there.

I would need a holiday to recover from a week of driving a caravan and two teenagers around Europe! You could do a hybrid holiday - last year we flew to Rome then trained to Pisa and Sienna. More exciting than a holiday park, way less stressful than the proposed driving holiday!

City break sounds fab. Barcelona has so much there-beach, culture, art, shopping, food. Me teenagers loved it! Really easy to navigate too and a direct bus to the centre from the airport.
alternatively you can fly into Geneva and get the train to France, Italy, all over Switzerland! I totally get your reservations re driving but there are loads of other options 😊

You are amazing. You’ve given your kids a lovely holiday every year and actually what you’ve done is probably out of the comfort zone for many people. When I was a single parent, we had a caravan in Norfolk. That was exciting enough for me!

Tell your kids, it’s your holiday as well, you’re paying and you decide what holiday you are having. Shut down the idea of driving around a foreign country.

Its very doable on £5k 🤣🤣🤣

Oh come on that’s unfair. Children are allowed to express a preference and say when they do or don’t like something. OP hasn’t said that they’re throwing their toys out over it (and there is agree with you!) but just that he’s expressed he’d like to do something different!

I take the kids away by myself. I also do not like driving abroad. I've done it before but for me the stress and anxiety of it negates my fun. So if you don't want to do that. Don't do it.
Push yourself a bit if you can - but what's the point in a holiday if its not fun for you as well?

Last year I took them to lake Garda. No car. We did Venice for a couple of nights, but the main bit I booked private accommodation with a pool. This was walkable to the town centre ( we stayed in Desenzano) and also to the train station. We got ferries and buses to various places for day trips. I booked a few more expensive things (paragliding) but paddleboarding was great and not expensive. We did a mixture of self catering and restaurants. Mostly they lived on gelato!

The previous year we did Slovenia - I hired a car and it was absolutely fine but It did make it more stressful for me. Hence refusing the following year!

I also took my youngest to Switzerland for a few days in 2024. No car required - took trains everywhere. Loved that.

Not exactly a holiday though is it?!

A holiday where you're the sole driver and expected to drive about every day, whether abroad or on the UK, isn't a holiday. It's a chore. You children are suggesting it because they don't fully understand this. Their father may well drive on holiday, but that's his choice and it sounds like he has a partner to share the driving.

You're paying, choose a holiday you'd enjoy. A cruise or city break might be a good compromise.

I know on Mumsnet there seems to be loads of people who take really adventurous holidays with kids as a single parent, but I'm a single parent, I take my kids on packages to beach holidays and fly independently to cities in Europe and I can't remember the last time I saw another single mother doing the same, never mind a holiday where you're driving every day.

@DontTellMama it's your holiday too!

Do you take any other trips together or is it just this 1 week per year? Have they learned to sail/windsurf/ gone on a bike trip (non-guided) while on these holidays? There is a different type of adrenalin.

1 approach would be to get your kids to plan a day trip or overnight, at a different time.

Yeah I think there are two different types of holiday-maker - some people go on holiday to relax and some people go on holiday to explore and have adventures. Teenagers are naturally moving into an adventurous stage and it's important to encourage this.

Some really good ideas in this thread. Slovenia is a superb suggestion, as is a multi-city break via railway in Italy. I'd also add island-hopping around Croatia - fly into Split or Pula and you have so many islands, of different sizes and vibes, at your fingertips with an excellent ferry service between them all. Great food is everywhere, as are very well-stocked pharmacies.

I think to an extent you have to embrace the fact that the point of the holidays your kids want is to explore, not to relax - would you be able to carve out time/budget for a mini-break just for yourself to relax, maybe when they're at their dad's? Or maybe it might even kindle your own sense of adventure.

I don't think you're useless for wanting to chill, relax and feel safe - however I would advise trying to work on, or get treatment for, that germphobia you mention. (Sorry if you've mentioned that you are, haven't RTFT.) That can be very limiting not just to yourself but to those around you.

Driving a caravan is very stressful. We did it once and my husband drove and vowed never again. Campervans are less stressful but still more stress than driving your own car. I would go more for renting a house somewhere and doing day trips round the area. It is more important that you have a holiday you enjoy than that they do. If you are happy the holiday will be better for everyone.

I can understand your child not wanting a package holiday. And I understand you not wanting to drive. I suggest a villa with a pool in a beautiful mountain village in the Alps, where you can all chill and explore on foot.

Its really not when you book flights seperate to hotel. Most hotels in Nairobi will arrange airport transport for example.

Dont compare yourself to their father. Easier said than done I know.

You could look at it like a couple of short holidays tagged together eg spend a few days in London, then get the Eurostar to Paris, spend a few days there then catch a train to another French city for a few days. So nothing too stressful and no need to drive. Basically, just a few city breaks in a row.

If you stay in the touristy bits, there will always be someone who speaks English including train staff. Somewhere like France isn't that different to England and there will be standard, familiar routes that people do. You wont be stranded by yourself.

I get that it is scary. But you can travel around without hiring a caravan and driving thousands of miles if you dont want to. You can do a few places gently as opposed to loads and making it grueling.

We do this type of holiday. Every few years we book a month or so of leave and travel to various places. This year we are spending a month interrailing through France, Germany and Spain. It can be tiring and can be harder to organise but it is fun.

When mine became teens I stopped the hotel/beach holidays as they wanted something more cultural and I was bloody delighted.

We did city breaks which worked really well for us. No way would I be driving abroad, I just don’t have the confidence.

I would be able to do a driving/caravan holiday in UK though. Say in Scottish Highlands for example, or Isle of Wight?

What about going somewhere say south of France and taking the TGV to different places?

Eg if you stayed in or near Avignon - you could hop on the TGV to Arles, Aix, Nimes, Montpellier, Orange. No driving required.

what's your understanding of the word holiday? Because to most people, not working, travelling abroad and visiting new places very much meet that criteria!

OP I don't think you're pathetic at all. I happily travel solo and would hate every element of that sort of holiday - the faff of getting all the vehicle sorted and somewhere legal and safe to park it every night, stress and tiredness of being the only driver, let alone in a foreign country, worry about the rental company trying to screw you over by trying to blame you for any tiny scuff, lack of privacy and boredom being stuck in a small space spending a lot of the time driving rather than actually doing stuff - doesn't sound like a fun holiday at all.

Just because your DC think it sounds fun doesn't mean you have to do it! Most people don't get the exact holiday they want every year, let alone if they aren't paying for it. If they like the sound of it they can do it when they can drive!

Cruise? Different port every day, but unpack once and get looked after on board. Many sail from Southampton, which isnt too scary to drive to?

Italy and Spain are brilliant for trains. Seville, Cordoba, Granada, Barcelona, Or Rome, Naples, Venice.
(do some pizza or pasta making classes, our teens adored that vineyards)
Do a bit of research first. Have at least one stay with a pool. Or find water parks en route.
See if you can book a sleeper train as part of the route
Also if time is short, train out flight home.

Well, you’re paying and you will be doing all the organising, so you get a say too!

Tell your dc how you feel about the idea then maybe you could all discuss alternatives?

Or your dc can do the driving holidays when they can drive themselves. YANBU to want a relaxing holiday!!