AIBU, or am I being pathetic?

[DontTellMama]

Single mum of 2 teens.

Since the youngest was 5, I’ve taken them by myself on holidays to Europe with Neilson or Mark Warner. When the kids were younger these holidays really worked for us; they would be entertained in kids club and I could do nothing all the activities.

However, youngest is now saying that they “don’t really like” package holidays, and want to do something else. Their suggestion is flying somewhere, renting a caravan for a week, and driving wherever we want to go to explore the country.

In theory, I do quite like the suggestion. But the reality is that the idea makes me feel very anxious, and I want to go on holiday to relax, not to feel more stressed.

But I don’t know if IABU to say no to this sort of holiday, or if I’m just being pathetic and need to get over the fear.

My worries are:
Being the only adult present, being a single woman driving in an unfamiliar place, being the only one who can drive, and needing to make most of the decisions.
I have OCD around germs/illness, and going on holiday stresses me out anyway. I just about cope when we go somewhere that I know the format of (like the Neilson/MW resorts), and feel supported by the umbrella of the organisation who can call a medic if needed and can speak the local language. Being by myself and totally responsible for 2 kids if something goes wrong really worries me.

I feel pathetic. Their dad is full of the spirit of adventure and wouldn’t hesitate to take a trip like this (but he also has a partner who is a doctor!), and I feel like a scared little useless woman who isn’t willing to take risks or do anything exciting. I’m sort of ok with that, but as the kids get older, I wonder if I’m holding them back by not being brave enough.

AIBU to stick with what I know?

Why would anything go wrong? I drive on holiday all the time, I really enjoy it.

The other idea PP came up with is good too, go for a city break, somewhere with lots of culture, a nice hotel, some history or walking, thats a good compromise. Madrid for instance is a 24 hour place with so much good food and culture, but no need to slum it in tent or hostels!

They're already getting more adventurous experiences with their father, so I'd do what I felt comfortable with. Maybe you can look around and see if you can find some middle ground that would be a little different from the usual places you go together, but ultimately, the holiday is for you to relax, too, so I wouldn't agree to something that was too far out of my comfort zone.

Look at Eurocamp as they have English speaking reps on site who will help with any emergencies. I’ve stayed at several all over Europe, driving on my own with DS and we’ve had some amazing holidays. Maybe pick somewhere very close to the ferry port/airport (if you’re flying and hiring a car) and map your route beforehand. Once you get used to being on the “wrong” side of the road, it really is very straightforward and the motorways in Europe are very good.

There's a happy medium here. Go to a touristy European city, that's walkable or has good public transport, and stay in a hotel. Get recommendations from the front desk for restaurants.

I'd recommend either Toulouse or Bordeaux: neither too big, both very good transport, both felt very safe to me. If your kids are older teens, they could even go off by themselves a bit. Both have easy rail links to coastal/more rural places if you wanted to escape the city.

My (not especially flashy) travel insurance package came with access to an online doctor consultation service to English speaking doctors in the country you're in. I used it once for reassurance on something and it was a great service.

This. It's ok to say you don't want to do loads of driving on holiday. What about a nice hotel city break to change it up?

I think you should try and do something exciting OP. Before you know it, they’ll have outgrown family holidays, and then you can do all the sitting around that you want to.

I’ve been a single parent since mine were tiny, and we’ve done lots of things. Yes it’s hard work but it’s fun too, and we’ve had some incredible experiences.

If you’re wary of driving, as others have said, try the Eurostar.

Im sure there is a compromise to be had. Could you rent an air bnb or apartment in a city and explore rather than a package holiday? There is comfort in a city and you can get around on public transport. Or do the holiday suggested but in the Uk - cornwall, scotland, norfolk for example and plan activitoes like paddle boarding, surf lessons, hiking etc?

Yep, I'd try a compromise, there have been loads of good suggestions already.

There is a lot of middle ground between an all inclusive and driving a campervan around solo. I won’t do either, as the driving a campervan around isn’t relaxing enough and the all inclusive isn’t enough of a holiday experience for our children. Eurocamp is a good shout, book a treehouse or interesting accomm via canopy and stars, take them to natural hot springs in turkey or Italy or somewhere you can stay and go walking in Cappadocia.

Why not try a cruise? You can explore lots of different places on port days but without having to drive

That sounds awful, and it's your holiday too. You're definitely not being pathetic. Maybe you can figure out something that you will all enjoy, but don't torture yourself by doing something stressful that you'll hate.

Do you realise this is way over budget for most people?

Could try a cruise that ports each day somewhere new so you get the chance to explore.

I did a 4 day one which was good

I thought that. The teens I’ve spoken to have loved them!

I went to Italy for a week with my 2 teens and we saw Venice, Florence, Rome, Pompeii, Herculaneum and Naples, travelling by the brilliant Italian train system. I wouldn’t have liked driving so this worked well.

I can see where your teens are coming from. We only did all inclusive package holidays when I was growing up and I loved them as a kid but by my teens I wanted something more adventurous or cultural. My parents' compromise was to continue with AI holidays but take more interesting trips, for example we did a 2 day Sahara desert tour in Tunisia. As an adult I travelled more independently and now we have DC we do a mix. I've come to enjoy AI again as a chronically ill mum to a sporty ND DS - he loves all the activities and I get loads of time to swim and read and relax. We do city breaks and other independent travel as well, but don't drive abroad (DH hates it and I don't drive at all).

A couple of things that have worked well for us:

A few days in Naples, then train to Sorrento for a few days. Day trip to Pompeii by train.

A few days in Barcelona then train to Sitges for a few days.

Bergen and the Norway in a Nutshell self guided tour (train, bus, boat). Can stay.overnight and do various activities en route.

Efteling and Beekse Bergen via train

We haven't done it but I'm sure plenty of Eurocamp sites are doable without a car

And personally I would love to do this:

https://www.jacobsridge.com/volunteers

@DontTellMama how old are these teens?

To be fair, you probably could do a good safari fo a similar price go a Mark Warner holiday. 😁

You're not pathetic for being aware of your capacity and wanting a relaxing holiday.
Whilst you can take your teens request on board it's not them who has to facilitate and pay for everything. They will have no idea what it is they are asking of you and it's your job as the adult to think that stuff through.

But a compromise may be possible. I would think about a train to the Netherlands and training it around there a bit. English widely spoken, same for Iceland (lots of excellent guided trips there, for multiple days). Or if YOU need somewhere hot, a resort somewhere a bit different with excursions. Maybe Madeira? (I'm just listing my wishlist now!) Or give teen your parameters (no driving, no campervan) and see if they can come up with more ideas.

You're entitled to enjoy your holiday as an adult!!! I personally think holidays as a kid are a luxury and they're lucky to go anywhere at all. They don't sound hard up your kids on the holiday front!

Seat61.com has lots of information about train travel to and in Europe. You could get your teens to look at that and plan where to go.

I wouldn't want to drive in a foreign country either, given he's doing the exciting trips, I think you give yourself permission to relax a bit on that front. How about more of a city based trip, somewhere maybe on the coast so you can do stuff but also have the beach (e.g Barcelona)

YANBU as a lone parent I know how important downtime is. That said, here are some ideas I’ve done.
One Week in Woolacombe/Harlyn etc with surf lesssons
Large AI in Turkey with water parks and day trips
Two weeks
Florida (driving in US is easy) do Volcano Bay, universal studios, drive across to Kennedy then a few days in the Gulf Keys.
San Diego for a few days, Flagstaff then drive to Sedona and fly out of Phoenix.

If it is something you’d like to try to overcome then can I suggest Slovenia? The roads are good to drive on, places are easy to get to, there are loaaads of adventure type activities both in summer and winter and it is so very very beautiful. There are a million gorgeous air bnbs or if you prefer hotels. The airport is tiny with the car hire places on site.

I’d base myself in somewhere like Kranjska Gora and take small trips in the car to other places. You can also cycle into Italy on a very straight, safe, beautiful cycle path from there!

@DontTellMama well, I am an experienced caravanner/caravan tower, and this would horrify me! A modern touring caravan is not just a box, when you arrive and leave anywhere you have to set up/empty the water and toilet systems, you have to know how the fridge, heating and lighting systems work, you have to safely tow it, hitch/unhitch and manoeuvre it into place, then level it. I can do all this with my own van, but that's because I have learnt how to over some time, and an unfamiliar van may be quite different. Oh, and you'll probably be stuck with all the cooking, cleaning, etc. Not much of a holiday for you.

If you are happy driving abroad, you could compromise and take a car ferry to France and go to somewhere like a Eurocamp where you have a static van set up for you, with people on site if things go wrong, you can use it as a touring base in the car, and there are usually food facilities on site.

Or stick to your guns, say that a package is the most relaxing for you, but give them some input. Go to a proper travel agent (like Hays Travel), take the kids with you, tell the agent your budget, and see what they can come up with.