AIBU, or am I being pathetic?

[DontTellMama]

Single mum of 2 teens.

Since the youngest was 5, I’ve taken them by myself on holidays to Europe with Neilson or Mark Warner. When the kids were younger these holidays really worked for us; they would be entertained in kids club and I could do nothing all the activities.

However, youngest is now saying that they “don’t really like” package holidays, and want to do something else. Their suggestion is flying somewhere, renting a caravan for a week, and driving wherever we want to go to explore the country.

In theory, I do quite like the suggestion. But the reality is that the idea makes me feel very anxious, and I want to go on holiday to relax, not to feel more stressed.

But I don’t know if IABU to say no to this sort of holiday, or if I’m just being pathetic and need to get over the fear.

My worries are:
Being the only adult present, being a single woman driving in an unfamiliar place, being the only one who can drive, and needing to make most of the decisions.
I have OCD around germs/illness, and going on holiday stresses me out anyway. I just about cope when we go somewhere that I know the format of (like the Neilson/MW resorts), and feel supported by the umbrella of the organisation who can call a medic if needed and can speak the local language. Being by myself and totally responsible for 2 kids if something goes wrong really worries me.

I feel pathetic. Their dad is full of the spirit of adventure and wouldn’t hesitate to take a trip like this (but he also has a partner who is a doctor!), and I feel like a scared little useless woman who isn’t willing to take risks or do anything exciting. I’m sort of ok with that, but as the kids get older, I wonder if I’m holding them back by not being brave enough.

AIBU to stick with what I know?

As others have suggested Eurocamp is a good compromise. You can filter by near an airport and car not required. Public transport in Europe is generally reliable and cheap so you could use this to get about and see places.

What about an in between where you go to a city with decent public transport links to take away the driving element? It sounds like a bit of a leap to rent a campervan at this stage but a slightly lesser known city like Ljubljana, Dubrovnik, Kotor, etc could work. Given their ages you could task them beforehand and have it that all of you plan one day of activities (although appreciate not sure how your eldest presents with if that’s possible). You can also look pn get your guide and there will be day trips to places that are a bit further out on a coach, although they can be a bit pricey

I don’t think you’re pathetic, your concerns sound very valid to me…
Your children are old enough to understand that everyone is different and enjoy different things, they get adventures with their Dad and the option of relaxing holidays with you.

You will only push through your germaphobia by doing things that make you uncomfortable. Otherwise you’ll never move past it. I have sympathy for you as it sounds very difficult for you - but you are limiting your child’s life as well as your own. It’s your choice if you want to change that.

Being a woman alone won’t really be an issue in most developed nations. And not speaking the language doesn’t really matter when you have a phone and google translate.

I'm with you OP, I'm the only driver in our family and before we started going abroad it never felt like a holiday for me as I spent a lot of time driving, usually in quite rural areas which used to stress me out.
Hell would freeze over before I drove abroad 😅.
Sorry no suggestions but with you all the way

How about starting off just driving to France? Use the tunnel….it’s so easy when you drive out, just make sure everyone keeps saying ‘drive on the right’ so you don’t forget. I drove across France for the first time this summer and it was way easier than anticipated- sat nav is bloody brilliant! Avoid large cities and just explore small towns - you can book hotels or air bnbs if you’re feeling brave! Or go inter-railing as others have suggested!

Go by train. Far easier and quicker than driving (it's not like trains in the UK). They are quick , clean and cheap

Have a look at Byway Travel which does fantastic train holidays from a few days to a few weeks all booked for you and easy. Or ManInSeat61 and book it yourself? Ive taken my teens to Croatia by eurostar/tgv/sleeper train & to Rotterdam/Hamburg/Copenhagen using the Hookof Holland overnight ferry and trains.

If you are comfortable with driving in Europe (by which I mean "on the other side of the road", all the rest of it is v easy) then I would wholeheartedly recommend a Eurocamp holiday. Or another company offering similar. Have a look at their website. The Brittany coast is really lovely and not too far to travel - ferry from e.g. Newhaven to Dieppe.

Is it "the man in seat 61" where you find all the info about booking rail journeys in Europe?

I could not drive on the other side of the road for the life of me. And for that matter I don’t think I could manage to drive with a caravan even at home. So YANBU. But there are lots of other options you could look at that aren’t “package holidays “ agree with suggestion of inter railing for example

How about trying an organised adventure holiday, with companies such as Exodus or Explore travel.

Why don't you hire a camper van and drive around the UK. There are many beautiful places to go, lovely beaches, national trust houses etc. There is plenty to do, Lake district, Scotland loads of places to visit....

What about a cruise (budget permitting)? Lots of opportunities to explore but no driving in foreign counties, medics on board, lots of organisation done for you. Still opportunities to sit back and relax on sea days

I realise this might be for another time as a week is a bit short but Sri Lanka is fantastic. You can hire a driver (pretty much the same cost as hiring a car) and they look after you. Go to beach/safari/tea plantations/temples. You can get a very reasonable deal in good hotels and I bet it's less than MW. Plus the food is fab.

Good idea. OP could just drive to Le Touquet which isn’t far from Calais. They could potter up and down the coast without any major driving. Boulogne is pretty, Montreuil is sweet with a beautiful charterhouse.

For anyone who doesn’t know it - Le Touquet is fab - art deco glamour, good food, great beach, family activities etc.

I've not heard of him before @MaddestGranny looks like he has great info..Thank you!! I tended to trawl the internet and book direct as the train sites now have UK translations. But looks like his site has everything in one place and would be easier.

Also my DC were using tik tok all the time for travel tips.
I still get some good ones from The Rough Guide (online and you can put it on your tablets too) as I like a bit more background.

I want to go on holiday now.

Holidays are not a competition neither are they mandatory. No one is going to die because they didn’t go on holiday.
You can have conversations about holidays and see if there’s enough overlap for it to be enjoyable for all three of you.

When I have my granddaughters to visit, primary aged, we potter about charity shops, bake cakes, play board games, plant veggies in the garden and chat all day. it’s all very companionable but very tame.
Other Granny is much more gung-ho ; she takes them kayaking and long freezing walks on winter beaches with her motley collection of dogs. They build bonfires and cook their suppers on them, all fun stuff that I can’t compete with and neither do I want to. They still love coming over though.
Own what you can do and stand by it.

Has anyone said ‘Tokyo’ yet? So much to do in the city, and you can take the amazing trains to all sorts of great places. They will like the culture, and the little drop-in food places

Just jump on a plane to Spain ,Majorca / Italy etc and stay somewhere that has entertainment ie local restaurants/ music / water parks/ beach etc .
If you can afford MW and Neilson holidays then the above destinations will be doable.

It doesn't have to be luxury hotels, my partner abs have been to Cape Town and stayed in Airbnbs which is our usual choice of holiday accommodation.

But likewise it's fair if the kids say they no longer wish to travel with mum because they are bored of those holiday park trips.

I think the kids would be happy to not go, they were never going to keep enjoying dull holiday park trips when dad takes them exploring the world. They aren't tiny kids that can be shoved into kids clubs anymore, dad has taught them to be well travelled which is a really good thing!

We did Dubrovnik and twinned it with Kotor in Montenegro as they have good coach networks. Also did Split and Mostar in Bosnia once - Bosnia is a fabulous country!

The trouble is that the kids are fairly well travelled because of dad, there's isn't an off switch for that desire to explore somewhere new! I couldn't do a sit around a holiday park holiday either, UK sat in Sri Lanka which is my 63rd country, you can't mentally force yourself to go on holidays you just don't enjoy. They aren't bad or ungrateful kids, they simply don't enjoy that sort of trip and aren't of an age to be shoved into kids clubs with little kids!