AIBU, or am I being pathetic?

[DontTellMama]

Single mum of 2 teens.

Since the youngest was 5, I’ve taken them by myself on holidays to Europe with Neilson or Mark Warner. When the kids were younger these holidays really worked for us; they would be entertained in kids club and I could do nothing all the activities.

However, youngest is now saying that they “don’t really like” package holidays, and want to do something else. Their suggestion is flying somewhere, renting a caravan for a week, and driving wherever we want to go to explore the country.

In theory, I do quite like the suggestion. But the reality is that the idea makes me feel very anxious, and I want to go on holiday to relax, not to feel more stressed.

But I don’t know if IABU to say no to this sort of holiday, or if I’m just being pathetic and need to get over the fear.

My worries are:
Being the only adult present, being a single woman driving in an unfamiliar place, being the only one who can drive, and needing to make most of the decisions.
I have OCD around germs/illness, and going on holiday stresses me out anyway. I just about cope when we go somewhere that I know the format of (like the Neilson/MW resorts), and feel supported by the umbrella of the organisation who can call a medic if needed and can speak the local language. Being by myself and totally responsible for 2 kids if something goes wrong really worries me.

I feel pathetic. Their dad is full of the spirit of adventure and wouldn’t hesitate to take a trip like this (but he also has a partner who is a doctor!), and I feel like a scared little useless woman who isn’t willing to take risks or do anything exciting. I’m sort of ok with that, but as the kids get older, I wonder if I’m holding them back by not being brave enough.

AIBU to stick with what I know?

For example we went to Porto in November. It is a short 2 hr flight, the airport is 30 mins from the city centre by a very clean and efficient tram and you can pretty much walk everywhere in the city centre.

I would definitely recommend European trains. We explored northern Italy a few years ago. Flew to Venice then got a train to Florence then on to Verona then to Milan - all easy to explore on foot and the trains were brilliant. Relatively inexpensive (compared to UK) and very efficient
We also went to Norway - flew to Oslo, train to Flam then on to Bergen then back to Oslo. The trains were amazing!

I have done a few road trip holidays but the two of us could drive which takes pressure off. A city break is ideal, I loved Budapest I went a while ago but it had a great tram network, good museums, boat ride and friendly people. Do a city break.

100% this!

Would it help to try that style of holiday in the UK first; the driving, health and language issues would be more familiar?
It would be great to find something that works for you all and sometimes it’s good to try new things, ultimately it’s your holiday too so you need to be comfortable.

Many EU countries have great Rail networks and Air BandBs, guesthouses and hotels. You could do an interesting exploring holiday without having to drive / tow a caravan. We did Italy trains last year and they were great. Try a half-way house!

You can definitely do a more adventurous holiday, pushing out of your comfort zone slightly but not pushing you over the edge. And I say this as an adventurous germ-phobe! I have found ways around it to still be adventurous but without pushing that part of my anxiety too far.

As others have suggested, travelling on trains is easier than driving and the trains in other countries in Europe can be so much cleaner than UK ones! French, Swiss and Scandinavian trains for example are lovely (Dutch trains not so much). Eurostar to Paris, few days in Paris and then train down to Lyon or Nice would be a fab adventure. The trains are quick and clean (although I would recommend avoiding the sleeper, that was a step too far for me).

Also consider hiring a car or van somewhere like Ireland before venturing into mainland Europe. You'd be driving on the same side of the road and speaking the same language so it'd be a good way to try doing a multi-stop, self planned trip, without all the added complexity all at once

Could you maybe take them away in your own country doing something out of your comfort zone that you know they'll enjoy to give you an idea of how things would be? That way you'll see how anxious you feel, everyone will speak your language & you can understand medical explanations in the event of an emergency. It'd be sort of a trial run to see if you'd cope abroad.

If you do brave going abroad make sure you take out travel insurance as this would cover an interpreter & medical costs if needed . Driving in unfamiliar places can be overwhelming so make sure your phone is fully charged & have a battery pack charger as back up. Plan your routes before leaving so you have an idea of the roads you'll be driving on. Have your car serviced before you go so there shouldn't be any issues. Let someone know your plans if you'll be driving a fair distance, what time you're setting off & ETA & then message them when you arrive safe. Good luck if you decide to go.

You’re a single mother. You already make all the decisions.

i take my kids on an adventure every year, i have adhd so it’s often chaos but it’s full of fun and joy, and my kids still talk excitedly about our holidays now.

do it.

This was a point I raised yesterday and got badly abused for it by someone who tore me apart for being an anxious 7 to 12 year old and claimed my parents lovingly booked those holidays for me! Not one inch of those holidays was booked for me, it was all about my parents preferences. There's a wealth of difference between having parents who say take you to Disneyland because it's for kids, and parents who just want to sunbathe for 10 days. I see countless tiny tots being dragged on gruelling long haul flights who haven't asked for or needed a holiday in a resort in the tropics in high heat, humidity and mozzies everywhere!

You make the assumption the kids want to go on holiday with mum, maybe they'd be happy to stay home rather than go on a trip that they really wouldn't enjoy. They are getting too old for sitting in a holiday park and doing kids clubs.

You seem to overly down on the teens though, it seems unfair to suggest that they should be treated like emotionless robots and forced to do something they hate. The OP has two choices, travel solo or adapt. The holidays due is currently going on are just not holidays for teenagers and I guess with the ND, maybe the 17 year old has an inquisitive mind that needs stimulation. The kids are not bad people for being too grown up and well travelled for the OPs style of holiday anymore.

A wise woman once told my friend she should never take her kitchen on holiday with her, and I couldn’t agree with her more

I'm not at all down on teens, I own two. And OPs choice of holiday is definitely on the young side for teens - mine would never go to a holiday kids club!

But they should be treated like emotionless robots and forced to do something they hate. applies to OP too. Why should she have to take a trip she's scared to do and will hate, when they already get that kind of holiday with their dad? So aren't missing out whatsoever if that's what they enjoy, they're already getting it

Far too many posters saying versions of 'well I like it so it's great' or 'you should do it your holiday is boring'. Not everyone is the same, OP likes her holiday, and she's a person too. Far too many assumptions that the mother needs to do something she hates because the kids want it. She's allowed not to like something totally optional and to say no to doing it.

Plus for all we know the DC moan the same to dad that their holiday is too busy and they want to sit by a pool more!

You can still do package holidays but just not in AI bubble resorts surely? We’ve done package holidays to Italy for example where the package is flights, hotel, transport and the days are spent exploring or catching trains or just the extra experience stuff - visiting sites.