AIBU, or am I being pathetic?

[DontTellMama]

Single mum of 2 teens.

Since the youngest was 5, I’ve taken them by myself on holidays to Europe with Neilson or Mark Warner. When the kids were younger these holidays really worked for us; they would be entertained in kids club and I could do nothing all the activities.

However, youngest is now saying that they “don’t really like” package holidays, and want to do something else. Their suggestion is flying somewhere, renting a caravan for a week, and driving wherever we want to go to explore the country.

In theory, I do quite like the suggestion. But the reality is that the idea makes me feel very anxious, and I want to go on holiday to relax, not to feel more stressed.

But I don’t know if IABU to say no to this sort of holiday, or if I’m just being pathetic and need to get over the fear.

My worries are:
Being the only adult present, being a single woman driving in an unfamiliar place, being the only one who can drive, and needing to make most of the decisions.
I have OCD around germs/illness, and going on holiday stresses me out anyway. I just about cope when we go somewhere that I know the format of (like the Neilson/MW resorts), and feel supported by the umbrella of the organisation who can call a medic if needed and can speak the local language. Being by myself and totally responsible for 2 kids if something goes wrong really worries me.

I feel pathetic. Their dad is full of the spirit of adventure and wouldn’t hesitate to take a trip like this (but he also has a partner who is a doctor!), and I feel like a scared little useless woman who isn’t willing to take risks or do anything exciting. I’m sort of ok with that, but as the kids get older, I wonder if I’m holding them back by not being brave enough.

AIBU to stick with what I know?

I don't know where this belief is coming from that everywhere outside the UK or a holiday park in France is primitive? I'm on holiday in Sri Lanka and the beach towns in staying in are lovely bohemian places with pharmacies and dr's clinics. They speak English here in Sri Lanka too.

The OP needs to understand that may she may need to start travelling on her own because they can't mentally switch off from the travel bug that dad has given them! They simply don't want to sit around on a tourist filled holiday park and waterslides won't make up for it. No pint forcing kids to go on a holiday that makes them unhappy.

"Maybe you can figure out something that you will all enjoy".

Already covered.

Or she could just not take them on holiday at all.

Yes it is to those that like to explore! That's what some of you need to understand that package holidays by the pool are hell for many people!

I'm in Sri Lanka now, heading to our third beach town of three we booked to stay in today, it's been great uo to now, fantastic people and food and if you need doctors surgeries they are around.

Nah. People understand fine that some people enjoy different holidays and to some the kids' plan and/or rushing around with no fixed plan, winging it in a camper van rather than a planned destination sounds like hell.

And that is every single bit as valid as your opinion.

And I've travelled plenty, but despite that can understand perfectly that the OP is entitled to a holiday she enjoys too.

So, back to the point.

OP, see if you can find a suitable compromise, and definitely do not do anything that sounds hellish and awful to you. Your holiday, which you are paying for should very definitely not be a chore.

You can just leave them home and go on holiday alone somewhere you that you will enjoy if they won't compromise.

I'm on holiday in Sri Lanka and my mum said "I can't believe you travel to all these places because you were such a nervous kid and didn't like coming on holiday with us" - my parents holidays were the quintessential holiday resort in the Balearics with endless sunbathing and 10 days of them doing that was just not for me, I've always had a mind that needs a lot of stimulation and I was lucky to meet a man that also had wanderlust. We are now currently in our 63rd country we've visited for a winter break to Sri Lanka, we've had 4 days each in two different beach towns and today we head to our final one for 4 days. We use Airbnb and save an absolute fortune, you get to stay on pretty little resorts with pools here for about £34 a night! We've used taxis to get to each beach town and tuk tuks to get about locally. We actually have hired our own tuk tuk for three days starting tomorrow which will be novel but the point is that you don't need to jump in the deep end and drive anywhere.

YouTube is a gold mine for travel vlogs to research where you want to go. Also for restaurant recommendations. Always research restaurants in Google and have a list of highly rated ones.

People need to get away from seeing AI's as safe places to eat because they simply aren't! Look at the 100 dead people in the news because they got food poisoning from TUI resorts in Cape Verde! There are horror stories every year about food poisoning in all inclusive resorts! I remember a story last year about a guy that lost his wife and son to food poisoning and when I read reviews for the resort, there was complaints about food poisoning going back years! Why does nobody read any reviews for AI resorts! If that man had, his wife and child would be still alive.

I never replied to anyone saying the OP should jump in at the deep end and if you read the new post I've just posted, you'll see that I explicitly state that she doesn't need to worry about driving anywhere.

What I replied to was someone stating that travelling by train and visiting different lovely places isn't a holiday! I correctly stated that for many people exploring Europe by train is a wonderful holiday.

I can see your point re it not being particularly relaxing. As others have suggested why not try a city break/train holiday?

From personal experience what about fly to Lisbon, 3 nights there exploring (it’s a very walkable city) then train to Cascais/Estoril for a day or 2 on the beach, then train up to Sintra to see the palaces. Uber is excellent and cheap in that area if you want to do small trips, healthcare is great in Portugal and most people speak good English.

Absolutely this.

I've travelled all over the world, and whilst small islands may have issues around medical care (Cape Verde is a case in point) the majority have good medical facilities and many are far superior in waiting times and actual care in comparison to the UK.

I'm currently travelling Asia and had no problem getting drugs for dealing with an ongoing medical issue I've had for some time.

Good insurance is a must though as is the GHIC when in Europe.

Don't say you travel through world too loudly on here as I've just been torn apart on here for no reason because I travel! I think my abuser forgets that my partner and I work to pay for all our travels! Nobody gives them to us on a plate!

I think Op is worried she will be out of her depth going outside her comfort zone, and in fairness if you've never done it, the idea can be scary.
I started with a tent driving around Europe, but it's not for everyone!

I didn't look down on my parents by the way! I respected their holiday choice and have fond memories of my dad as he is no longer with us but I was child that used to have anxiety attacks if I wasn't comfortable in a situation. How can a child with anxiety be accused of looking down on their parents? So you hate the OPs ND son and think he looks down her too then.

Definitely, my partner and I have been travelling 16 years and still barely ever hire a car let alone a caravan. It's not so bad for those that caravan in the UK and know what they are doing but I think we'd find it quite stressful at times.

Those kids sound very privileged to me. And like they get more than enough holidays.

As someone said upthread - stick to your guns OP. You're not pathetic at all!

No not at all. You can buy tickets from 5days, and get to see multiple cities/places.

I must admit I will never go on a package holiday again and just prefer to do it independently.

I wouldn’t be keen on the camper van unless I knew for certain where I was staying each night. The driving wouldn’t bother me but the size of the vehicle really really would.

I would get them to help plan it.

I wasn’t suggesting it was primitive. Just referring to OP’s own point about package holidays- a rep, a kids’ club, a structure. More experience and facilities to hand in an emergency than if they are travelling solo.

Have you thought about exploring Ireland, N Ireland or Jersey? UK driving still (Ireland speed limits are km not miles though).

Although your DC are at the ages to understand that you prefer a relaxing holiday to an adventure one. Its mot as if they dont get the adventure holidays at all.

Maybe book a villa or apartment you can clean yourself and feel at home, go somewhere you don't have to drive thats on a bus route. We have booked a villa in south tenerife and not hiring a car, we will use taxis to the airport and back and will get buses. We have hired a car before but not needed this time. Or maybe go on a city break they have them with holiday company's like you mentioned.

I’ve taken my children on all sorts of holidays since they were born. No way would I go on a driving holiday in another country!

Torn between the way you think which would be me too, and thinking it’s time for them to have a choice, and it could be more fun/ better than you think. I always felt growing up I was dragged on holidays- we were just told where we were going

YANBU.

You're allowed to not do what your teens want, because it's not something you'd want to do. Teens can be extremely self centered and sometimes need reminding that you are a real person with wishes too. There's no need to do something you hate, especially when they already get this type of holiday with their dad, they're not missing out on it.

You're a person too and you're allowed to not want to spend your week off terrified.

You also seem to be focussed on driving as well. Getting a short flight to a European city is very easy. Most airports very well connected to the centre by public transport so you need not bother with a car for the whole time.