How would you split the bills?

[Tashaa]

Household is me, DP, his three children aged 8-13 who are here weekends and holidays, and our shared DS aged 2, who is in nursery 4 days a week.

I work 4 days a week, he works 5. I earn 50k, he earns 40k. I generally buy anything DS needs. Our bills are about 4.2k a month. Mortgaged house in need of repairs.

AIBU: split bills according to percentage of household income earned
AINBU: split bills 50/50

Per income.

But I would consider a joint child's costs to be part of the bills.

I am not sure what the difference is between your options. If you take the total outgoings, you pay 56% he pays 44% (which I think is the second option of percentage of household income). What do you mean by 'split according to salary' ?

Sorry, I edited it, my options didn’t make sense

Even though all of our bills are higher as he has four children to house compared to my one?

Whatever you think is best. I earn probably 2.5x what DH earns but we pay the same for bills. I just then pay for things like holidays and cars. Most people probably think we’re mad but it works perfectly for us.

This is how I would prefer it to be but he wants us to pay by percentage because then he’ll pay less

I'd say 50/50 as the delta between your income isn't that much but he has additional costs for his 3 other kids

This is how I feel. Every month on payday I get loads of attitude from him about paying his 50%. But the reason our bills are so high is because we have a bigger house, car and everyday costs because of his older children

Which is fine if you then both the same percentage for others things, like holidays and cars (just the examples used).

Yeah that's totally unreasonable on his part OP. I wouldn't put up with attitude. He's getting a good deal.

Your bills sound very high. Does that include maintenance payments for his first 3 DC? That would be unfair if he expected you to contribute towards that.

50/50;

Mortgage, energy, water 50:50, as they the same (approx) regardless of no of people.

Food - I think he should pay 2/3 and you 1/3. Three children for 2 and a bit days each (totals 6 and and a few bits) is like having one adult for seven days, so dp and his dc equals two adults, and you equal one adult (joint child is equal
to both of you).

I would guess you are earning similar after tax? I've never understand this paying percentages, we also paid into a joint account and paid from everything from there.

Roughly how many nights per year are his kids with you? They must massively bump up expenditure on food. What does he say when you point out it’s the three extra kids that mean your household outgoings are so high?

You should have equal spending money left after bills are paid. You're a family. One person shouldn't have more available spending money than the other.

No his maintenance payments are separate. I agree it’s high. Our mortgage is almost 2k a month. We have a car on £300 a month hire purchase because we needed a seven seater which has a few years to go

Are you a family?

In in a similar situation to your DP. We split 50:50 and I feel I'm getting a good deal.

I might find bills that high stressful, though.

But the reason we need a four bedroom house is because of his kids

It doesn’t feel like it when it feels like he’s pushing for me to pay more than he does to raise his kids. It feels like he’s using me

Then tell time it's fine. That you'll sell the house and downsize to more manageable outgoings and the same goes for the car. That blow up beds for the living room will be sufficient for his kids and then he can pay less.

Neither of us ever have much left over. His goes on maintenance, fuel and cigarettes. Mine goes on family days out, stuff for the house, extra food

Obviously I’m not going to say that because it’s not fair on the kids

I guess you were happier enough to buy the larger house when choosing the house, so what’s changed? What did you discuss before moving in regarding finances?