How would you split the bills?

[Tashaa]

Household is me, DP, his three children aged 8-13 who are here weekends and holidays, and our shared DS aged 2, who is in nursery 4 days a week.

I work 4 days a week, he works 5. I earn 50k, he earns 40k. I generally buy anything DS needs. Our bills are about 4.2k a month. Mortgaged house in need of repairs.

AIBU: split bills according to percentage of household income earned
AINBU: split bills 50/50

I'd split everything 50/50. He earns less but he's got more kids to pay for. 50/50 seems fair.

I don't think I'd want to be in a relationship with someone who split costs down to the penny.

Honestly for the % difference here I don’t think it’s worth the stress. Begrudging the bedrooms of the home you chose to buy, with the man you chose to be with, knowing he had children who would need a bedroom, is madness.

I would usually say percentage of earnings but considering he has 3.5 kids to your 0.5 I think 50:50 is more fair in this situation.

Cigarettes are burning money.

Cigarettes are burning money.

Neither

you are earning less because you work less. I’m going to presume this was by mutual agreement to care for your shared child. You should not take the financial hit for that all on your own. He should start by compensating you for part of your lost earnings.

then you have a bigger house for the additional children. He should pay for that.

then the bills for his children should be split out.

then the remaining costs should be split proportional to income. You should use the point right after you adjust for your lost earnings. For this to be fair, you need to be willing to live within the lower earners means.

or you could just decide you are partners in this, pool everything, and give yourselves equal fun money. Experience the highs and lows of life together.

if you want to keep it split though, you really should try to split it accurately.

Did you read the OP?

I agree. He’s getting a good deal.

Your bills are HUGE compared to your salary, we have 3 children and all bills (absolutely everything we spend, food, clubs for our children everything that comes out each month) adds up to less than 2k. We also drive a 7 seater car. I think I'd be looking at how you can reduce your outgoings as neither of you are big earners.

I think a 50/50 split on bills is very generous of you, his children aren't small and will eat lots etc when they are with you, I imagine your house is much bigger than it would be if you only had the 1 child too. I'd say 50/50 and he pays the extras for his children separately, maybe more for food when they are with you too. 10k difference in salary after tax, pensions etc won't be a huge amount anyway in terms of your take home pay, he's getting a good deal with 50/50.

I don’t think this is anything to do with the specific mechanics of paying the bills. It sounds like the constant discussion and harping at this by your partner is the issue, when you are both calm you could explain to him very clearly that you are done having the discussion, that your bills are high largely because he has 4 children, and that by continually nagging this point he is pushing you to consider what life would be like separately, which is affordable for you and not for him, you could consider counselling to help you communicate better but it’s not fair for him to put this on you. He earns £40k and has 4 dependent kids, of course he hasn’t got much spare cash however you split it!

He’s lucky to get 50:50 imho.

If there was only one joint child iut could be all in one pot and 50:50.

He needs to pay more than 50% as he has more kids he has to pay for, you
should be paying for a 1/8 of the kids he should be paying for 7/8 of the kids.

I genuinely wonder how guys like this manage to find a woman who’ll put up with their quasi freeloading and whinging when they have to pay their way.

Is he not just a walking ick OP?

I’d also get a joint account for bills so it’s not him ‘giving you’ the money

Yes at this point he is. I’m massively turned off by him and consider it to be financially abusive

He is still taking the piss!

No joint account? Hang on, who owns the house?

What a team player. So loving.

I agree. Get a joint account which you both pay into, and all the bills come out of. Then you won’t have to ask him for money, which will reduce the stress. You pay into 50:50 to cover everything, and he chucks in extra to cover his kid’s food and clothing.

Your post would make an excellent question in a GCSE Maths paper.

I think this sort of question (and resolution) should be taught in schools, along with splitting group restaurant bills where someone doesn't have a starter, someone else drinks a lot and one person was perched awkwardly at the end of a table under a very cold A/C unit and booming loud speaker and only had a spoon to eat a pizza.

I agree.

Paying for his children is not your responsibility, he should pay for them. Afterall you didn't make them he did.

However, in a way you are paying for them by having a bigger house with bigger outgoings in order to accommodate them than your small family needs. I'd stick to that & go 50/50 - that would include food when his children are with you as it's going to get complicated & picky to say things like 'I need to buy an extra bottle of milk, extra cereal etc for your children' & quantifying exactly how much extra is going to be difficult & could become rather petty.

edited for grammar - I still may have not got it right, apologies.

Who owns the house op? And I'm assuming you're not married?

Minimum 50/50. Presumably you are using the day you do not work to care for your shared child so sacrificing your income potential (and pension contributions). On top of providing 1 day ‘free’ childcare, your day to day costs are also higher paying for the consumption used by his children at the weekends.
Personally, I think a split ‘according to income’ is suitable if you are married as you are financially tied anyway. In this situation you are not - he is not going to compensate you for the lost income due to your reduced hrs if you separate after all is he?
So 50/50 (including all costs for your shared child) then an accommodation for your additional childcare contribution that he would otherwise need to pay 50% of, then a reduction due to the extra costs associated with his children being there at the weekends. Probably will look like 60/40 in your favour if you are being ‘fair’.
Assuming you jointly own the house the mortgage should remain 50/50 as you are benefiting from owning the asset too (even though you would not have chosen it)
For the cars, he pays for his big car to fit in all his children, you fund a little one. If only one car, then he should pay more towards that too.
That would be my starting point for discussion anyway, if I reduced from this, I’d want him to be damn appreciative of me subsidising him rather than trying to take advantage of me and complaining when he can’t.
I’d try to move to a joint bank account as a starting point then all shared costs, (inc holidays and costs for your child), can come from there. That would already make a big difference I suspect. I expect you are subsidising him quite a lot already.
If you start to share costs ‘fairly’, you should however live to his means, so this may mean no holidays or a reduction in treats but you should be able to save well for the future.

He should be paying more than 50/50, so he's getting a good deal.
He has 3 preteens that will consume a lot of food and energy when they're there, your house is bigger to accommodate them, and your car is more expensive to accommodate them. These should be his additional costs to some degree to bear, not you.

Make sure your will is up to date, OP, so your child inherits your half of the home.

Or a fair and reasonable person who loves their partner?

It should be in proportion to your salaries.

The poll results are odd as usually when the poster complains that her husband pays less people pile on to say that he should pay a higher proportion because he earns more.