Am I being controlling?

[Limmies]

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

100% - just because other people’s style isn’t the same as ours doesn’t make anyone wrong.

Different strokes and all that

Ummmm.... Some people might do this you might even think it's , commonplace. However, it's really unedifying. He's an autonomous adult and allowed to have his own style. If you don't like it suck it up or move on. Partners are not improvement projects.....

> They are all the better for it

... says the control freak

"It's for your own good" is often the cry of the abuser

Not sure why you are getting so much hatred on this post. You don't love the way your husband dresses and have asked him to wear something smarter. It's not like you are refusing to speak to him or abusing him in some other way to coerce him into dressing how you want. I think you probably need to accept that he dresses how he's comfortable which is fair enough. For context my husband prefers those geeky tshirts and jeans (
Big Bang Theory style). I don't love them but will still buy him the odd one as I know he likes them. He does tend to dress smarter when we go out though. He generally relies on me to choose his smarter clothes because he's pretty clueless tbh. Maybe you could reach a compromise that he'll dress a bit smarter occasionally if you're out for a special meal or something. If you're grumpy with him or banging on about it all the time, then I think you are controlling but the way you've written it, I don't think you are controlling.

I'm somewhere between goth & rocker/alt in how i dress. Most of the time i'm in black jeans, over-sized t-shirts and big swooping black long hoodies and cloak style things with black military boots.

I do know how to 'dress up' though and have some nice dressed/skirts/shirts combo's that just have gothic prints on them.

There is an art to taking their fashion and smartening THAT up, rather than trying to change them completely.

I get people don't like how i dress, my mother a few times has gone 'what the hell are you wearing?" at me, and my reply is always "What i want, because i'm an adult"

Life is too short for boring clothes... and for people who try and make you wear them.

> most women change significantly from their 20s in to their early 30s
Completely agree
Most grow up, OP ... not so much

she's getting flack because she isn't just trying to smarten him up, she's trying to change his entire fashion aesthetic.

Rockers do not dress in preppy clothes, as a general rule, we despise them and wouldn't be seen dead in them. They speak of a whole.. vibe.. that we do not gel with.

Can you imagine it the other way around? Taking your preppy person and trying to make them dress like us? There would be uproar.

Peoples style is personal, and has reason and history, especially at 'our' age (45+)

You sound very shallow

I think I get what you mean, as when I see men my age or older, still trying to dress like Liam Gallagher or have that Paul Weller hair cut, I cringe hard. They dress like they did 25 years ago. I wouldn’t marry one of them though and try to change the way they dress.
I wouldn’t he happy with my husband telling me what to wear.
It sounds like he’s given you the ick, and there isn’t a way to come back from that

We dont have a say in what men wear. That’s so weird!

My husband doesn’t really care about clothes and will sometimes ask me to come shopping with him so I can give my opinion and help him out a bit. That doesn’t seem to be what is happening here. It seems like your husband actually LIKES his look but you don’t seem to care about that or respect it. Surely if he’s that committed to dressing a certain way it’s a big part of his personality? Why on earth did you marry someone you don’t seem to like or ‘get’?

Poor bloke he needs to escape from you.

You sound like my sister in law. If he changes the way he dresses, you'll find something else to control next. Poor bloke.

Putting style before substance is shallow
Judging someone for what they wear is very shallow

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say: Iron Maiden shirt? ok, One Direction shirt.... not so much 😂

The only thing i don't really like that my DH wears is a pair of skinny jeans he picked up by accident in a sale so we couldn't exchange them. So we're patiently waiting until they fall apart (from Yorkshire, chucking out is not on the cards, and they are now too scruffy to donate)

Neither of which I’m actually doing but ok you do you 👍

You are trying to control your husband to ease your own anxieties. By the way, he isn’t slightly older, it’s a substantial age difference.

I’m so baffled by this statement. I mean if you live in some sort of 1950s style world where husband goes out to work and wife buys all his underwear and shirts and makes sure all his clothes are ironed and laid out for him each day ready for his job as breadwinner and provider then …. sure.

In my life, I choose, buy and look after my own clothes and then each day I decide in what combination to wear them. My OH does the same. Because we are both fully functioning adults who are capable of getting dressed all on our own. I can honestly say that I have never exerted any influence over what my OH wears except when he’s asked me to help him chose between 2 shirts or 2 ties.

One of my friend's neighbours is almost 80. Overweight, long long grey hair in a pony tail, dresses casually in sweatshirts etc but always looks fine because that's his (large) character. He'd look weird without IMHO. Is something in the film industry, has an Oscar for something technical (3 or 4 people in her road have Oscars it transpired in local pub chat)

But it's not the 'right way' to dress is just your preference. How would he feel if he started insisting you wear band tees and leather jackets as that what he prefers?

My friends partner is mid 60’s has waist length dreadlocks style grey hair he wears in a ponytail and he dresses like a roady for a 70’s rock band. In contrast she’s very feminine with lovely hair and makeup and always in nice dresses.

They look so mismatched as a couple but it works for them and neither has any interest in changing the other. I can’t imagine him ever wearing plain muted clothes - it’s just not him.

Not sure on this one…. I don’t think I could fancy a man who dressed like that in the first place but each to their own. Asking him to change now seems like you have gone off him a bit. Unless he looks dirty and unkempt then you may have to suck it up. But if you have genuinely gone off him and his style then it’s an ick that wont change. It’s usually the things that attract us to someone in the first place (i.e. his individuality and style) end up being the things that turn us off in the end.

One of my neighbours is in his late seventies and dresses like a rocker, hair like rod Stewart and wears faded jeans and leather biker jackets, the only difference is he genuinely was/is a rocker and was something very big in the music industry as his career. He doesn’t talk about it, and deflects, just says music industry, but I think he was in a band as he’s an awesome musician, plus he also drives around in a Ferrari and lives in a massive house and has been married 4 times. And you kind of have to be successful to be living in a massive house and driving Ferraris at 80, when you’ve been divorced 4 times.

but there’s just something about him, you’d never say gosh dress like David beckham, but then the ops husband seems to be in the medical field in some way so very different animal.

Yes you’re in the wrong. Horrible woman

What’s the betting the OP won’t be back niw she’s had her Saturday night wind up fun?

But his style is very much part of him, so you must have realised that he wasn't going to change it?

Does he ever dress appropriately (in your eyes) for anything?

And he's not 'slightly' older. 16 years is quite a lot. I can't see him changing