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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being controlling?

469 replies

Limmies · 31/01/2026 22:43

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

OP posts:
RosyDaysAhead · 02/02/2026 18:39

I kinda of hope the husbands sees this post and realises the red flag that his wife is waving!

he’s a grown man with his own style and personality, not a toddler you need to dress!

Grow up OP. His style doesn’t align with yours, that doesn’t make him wrong. It makes him happy. Accept that.

Hankunamatata · 02/02/2026 18:42

He isn't a doll for you to dress up

You cant change him. Suck it up or divorce him

Hankunamatata · 02/02/2026 18:43

Limmies · 31/01/2026 22:55

Nothing ott. Not asking him to hire a stylist. Just look more put together and “grown up”

Oh god they are awful imo

PeachyPeachTrees · 02/02/2026 18:44

He can wear what he likes and it sounds like he's been wearing it since the 90s. Did you think now you're narried you can boss him about?

outerspacepotato · 02/02/2026 18:46

You and your husband have a significant age and generation gap and you judge his clothes and style as inferior to what you want him to dress like.

He's a middle aged man and he can dress how he wants. If you don't like it, find someone you can dress up like a fucking doll.

You're being controlling. You want to change the way he dresses and that's a part of his self expression.

ItsOkItsDarkChocolate · 02/02/2026 18:48

TwistedWonder · 31/01/2026 22:47

Of course you’re being a control freak. Why marry him and try and change him? He is who he is and has his own style. You’re not trying to help, you’re being controlling.
He’s not slightly older, he’s a different generation.

Edited

This. He is who he is, you knew that when you married him.

And yes, glad someone said it. 16yrs is not SLIGHTLY older (unless there’s a typo somewhere…)

AndresyFiorella · 02/02/2026 18:49

I'm afraid I don't see this marriage lasting long OP. How does he react to you trying to change his style? If I were him it would drive me nuts.

Womaninhouse17 · 02/02/2026 18:51

Poor bloke! He should be able to wear what he likes. Why would he want to dress like David Beckham? Surely you knew what he was like before you married? YABVVVU.

Katemax82 · 02/02/2026 18:55

Ok, when I first got with my husband I thought it was ok to buy him clothes I like to change his dress sense. 26 years ago it was seen as socially acceptable I guess. Now I realise I was being controlling so I don't complain when he walks around in jogging bottoms and tee shirt all with bench in huge letters down the leg and on the chest. I simply ordered the tops he wanted from the website "80s casuals classic". I even don't cringe when he wears his spurs zip up tops (well, I do inside but he wears what he wants, as do I)

Newname71 · 02/02/2026 18:57

DH and I have been married 27 years. My style has changed a lot over the last 10 years. I’ve started wearing the band t shirts that I like and wearing DM’s
DH hates piercings. I’ve got my nose pierced and lots of earrings including an industrial.
None of this has changed who I am as a person. It hasn’t changed how he feels about me.What has changed is that I no longer give a fuck about what other people think about how I look.

Thalia31 · 02/02/2026 19:00

Limmies · 31/01/2026 22:43

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

The divorce came out of nowhere... I'm glad his sister put you in your place. You sound terrible.

Newname71 · 02/02/2026 19:01

Limmies · 31/01/2026 23:26

Why are we suddenly acting like it isn’t a common trope that women have a say in what their husbands wear?

My DH is 61 and half Italian and extremely handsome but he’s an absolute scruff. I would never tell him what to wear though. He wears what he’s comfortable in and that’s fine by me.

Drinkingontheterrace · 02/02/2026 19:03

I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with making a few suggestions but it seems as though you want to completely overhaul his look. The suggestions you've posted are a 180 of what he is currently wearing so no wonder he isn't keen!

Disturbia81 · 02/02/2026 19:06

Why are you with someone so much older?

Gonners · 02/02/2026 19:11

As I'm sure people have said, 16 years older is not "slightly" older - it's a different generation! My partner is 9 years older than me and frankly that is MORE than enough, but at least he's not old enough to be my dad.

Let the man dress how he likes ... unless of course you are going to let him dictate what you wear?

Buffs · 02/02/2026 19:13

Yes, you are being controlling.

lunar1 · 02/02/2026 19:16

You’ve made your suggestions, he obviously isn’t interested so leave him alone, I’m guessing you sounded awful by his sisters reaction.

Jaffalemons · 02/02/2026 19:16

Limmies · 31/01/2026 23:28

Really nasty comment re your 75 yo dad.

My husband is extremely handsome and fit. I have not married your typical old bloke.

Show quote history

Oh you have, it’s coming.

AnOddOne · 02/02/2026 19:21

Did you not see him clothed before you were married OP? Maybe just show him this thread so he can decide what to do next? A change is certainly needed but his fashion sense isn’t the problem here.

TheIceBear · 02/02/2026 19:23

If a man was telling a woman what they should be wearing they’d be flamed.

JG24 · 02/02/2026 19:26

I cannot stand my partner's glasses. All I see when I look at him wearing them is Ronnie corbet
They are truly truly awful and I have never said a word
He does have a pair I like and I make sure to praise them to high heaven when he wears them but it has not seemed to encouraged more use!
But yes I think you are being controlling

hadenoughofsnowflakes · 02/02/2026 19:31

This hilarious, I’ve just read your post and realised this is exactly how my husband dresses. I make an effort with my clothes and he just chucks skinny jeans, leather jacket and a band T-shirt on. We’ve been married for 18 years and it hadn’t even occurred to me to care - because it’s HIM and I married HIM!!! Get over yourself- more important things in life

Lmnop22 · 02/02/2026 19:32

I don’t see the issue with suggesting something more smart if you’re going out to a nice restaurant or something and he wants to wear shabby jeans and band t shirt.

BUT other than that he is entitled to wear what he wants day to day and if the roles were reversed and he was shaming you for your preferred style of clothes, imagine how frustrating that would be to you and how upsetting to think your spouse didn’t find you attractive wearing what made you comfortable?

OneFineDay22 · 02/02/2026 19:33

Limmies · 31/01/2026 23:26

Why are we suddenly acting like it isn’t a common trope that women have a say in what their husbands wear?

I’ve never made any suggestions about what my DH could wear - he’s an adult and can dress himself. He has also never suggested anything for me to wear for the same reason.

You asked if you are being controlling. Well, you are.

bertomi · 02/02/2026 19:44

When I met my husband he dressed dreadfully. Over the years I encouraged him to dress better!