Am I being controlling?

[Limmies]

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

Surely you've Googled him??

Nobody has a say on how somebody else dresses (unless they're your child(ren) who aren't adults).

I’d say my parents are like this but they’re in their 80’s and have always had very traditional gender roles

Other than their generation though I don’t think it’s at all common for women to have any say in how their partner dresses.

Your DH is a grown adult who can wear what he wants. Hopefully he also sees sense and finds someone who doesn't think he exists as their own personal dress up doll.

its him wearing the clothes not you. If he likes it, it’s really none of your business. Yes, you are being controlling.

Yes it is him wearing the clothes, but he will be looking common and showing his partner up, which is not acceptable.

😂😂😂😂😂 oh lord...

Ok Hyacinth

IMO it is sad.
In the same way I find 60+ year old women wearing short dresses and long hair as if they were in their 30's., almost in competition with their daughters, absolutely sad.

I was recently at a wedding where my nephews new MIL almost tried to make the wedding day about her, and how fab she was for 60, absolutely sad, and I was alone in thinking it had a narc whiff about it.

The OP hates the way he dresses, married him and now expects to change him.

With his preferred dress code, he is clearly locked in and isn't going to suddenly be happy to adapt a more benign look.

A few years older is 3-4 years.
16 is a massive age difference.

Partners should be considerate or at least have some self respect for themselves at the very least.

I wear the same clothes as your husband (band tees, leather jackets and jeans) and I'm older than him!

You're right - this man should improve his self-respect and find someone who doesn't belittle how he dresses.

Not controlling no
extremely controlling!

Hopefully he finds someone who actually appreciates him soon.

Well switch it round how would you feel if your dh decided you dress really boring and he wanted you to wear leathers and tight clothes so you look sexier. Would you be offended ? would you consider him controlling if he bought you things and expected you to wear them?

16 years!😳

Honestly, you sound like a bit of an airhead.

Is it?!

That’s incest, honey.
That don’t go around here.

Either does trying to be funny when you don’t have the chops.

If you wanted a dress up doll you should have bought a Barbie. He's a real life man with thoughts and ideas of his own. Quit telling him what to wear and get another hobby, or divorce papers.

I would say that is controlling. If it was the other way around and one of my friends or sisters were getting told what to wear by their partner/husband, I'd think it was a red flag and tell them to leave. Surely you knew what he liked to wear before you married him? You can't change someone.

Also I wouldn't say 16 years is slightly older. You can't change him. He's nearly 50 and will by now know what he feels comfortable wearing.

You’d hate my clothes too - I retired a few years ago, and now only wear clothes for comfort, jeans and (yes, shock, band t shirts), converse and sweatshirts.

i retired from a job when suits were not always necessary but I dressed as smart as I needed to, hated it and I don’t need to now, so I’m just me.

Also, ‘looks like a man child’ - you can’t look like one, you can only act like one. I had a very responsible career, was a very responsible parent for our two kids, and was/am a good husband (my wife agrees, but you’ll just have to believe me!).

You can be a grown up, without conforming to whatever stereotype mature clothing has, you can be a good person without being tailored and ‘presentable’ to your standard.

its kind of obvious but you seem more bothered by his appearance than his substance, which is just a road to relationship failure, however much you do or don’t try to control him.

Now turn this backwards.... Husband tries to tell wife what to wear..... Saying she didn't look like say.. ...Sydney Sweeney..... Then how did it sound.
I've been with my Mr 16 years n never thought to try to change how he dresses, love all that he is etc

Christ let him be..he doesn't pressure you to wear a biking jacket with him and join him at the local greasy spoon does he have comments on your attire?
I feel sorry for him because it seems very important to him, this is him asserting his individuality.

16 years isnt slightly older! It’s almost a generation

you cant teach an old dog new tricks. Stop trying to change the way he dresses

it is controlling and no way would anyone accept a man trying to change how a woman dresses