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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being controlling?

469 replies

Limmies · 31/01/2026 22:43

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

OP posts:
TroysMammy · 02/02/2026 19:45

TwistedWonder · 31/01/2026 23:08

Agree. Absolutely genetic and bland with zero style or personality.

I would hate a man dressing so dull and meh

Show quote history

I could imagine them as being wet lettuces. That's something your 70 year old Uncle would wear because his wife, who wears cardigans and slacks, has bought his clothes from M&S.

AngelinaFibres · 02/02/2026 20:01

Limmies · 31/01/2026 22:51

I don’t want him in Chelsea boots. Some plain trainers and a nice jumper/shirt would be fine. Instead of the biker jacket and skinny jeans.

Show quote history

And if he turned it round and asked you to wear outfits that you didn't feel comfortable in,but he wanted you to wear, would you oblige. If my husband said he'd like me to wear skin tight black jeans, band tees ( never owned one) and a leather jacket I'd tell him to sod off. You married him. That was silly

DuchessofStaffordshire · 02/02/2026 20:10

Limmies · 31/01/2026 23:26

Why are we suddenly acting like it isn’t a common trope that women have a say in what their husbands wear?

I'd it's particularly chilly outside I might suggest my husband grab a warm coat, but I don't control his clothing choices. You sound a bit shallow and your ideal clothing choices seem bland and boring

Wishthingswerenouting · 02/02/2026 20:15

It would give me the ick op but that said I wouldn’t have married him because of it.

what did he wear when you were dating? I went on 2 dates where the person wore white trousers and that was enough to end it for me

NeverSeenThatColourBlue · 02/02/2026 20:18

If you wanted to marry someone who dressed like that then you probably should have done. You should never get into a relationship assuming that you can change the bits you don't like about them.

ERthree · 02/02/2026 20:20

You are being ridiculous. I could understand if he had started dressing that way after you married but not when he has always dressed that way.

Womaninhouse17 · 02/02/2026 20:25

I don't tell my partner what to wear (unless he asks for my advice) and I would hate for him to tell me what to wear.

luckylavender · 02/02/2026 20:28

TwistedWonder · 31/01/2026 22:47

Of course you’re being a control freak. Why marry him and try and change him? He is who he is and has his own style. You’re not trying to help, you’re being controlling.
He’s not slightly older, he’s a different generation.

Edited

This

Missj25 · 02/02/2026 20:29

Limmies · 31/01/2026 22:51

I don’t want him in Chelsea boots. Some plain trainers and a nice jumper/shirt would be fine. Instead of the biker jacket and skinny jeans.

Show quote history

Surely he dressed like this when you guys first met & started dating ?

Supporting2026 · 02/02/2026 20:30

Limmies · 31/01/2026 23:28

I don’t like his tattoos either. But I like his casual smart style.

Show quote history

If you like the clothes then you should wear them. He isn't a dress up doll - he's a real human being with his own tastes and preferences that you should respect. Also, if you buy something for someone you are largely supposed to buy them things they will like, not that only you will like. The fact that he is not wearing them suggests he does not like them.

beeautifullif3 · 02/02/2026 20:32

Leave him alone ffs you sound like a right pain in the arse !!! Absolutely nothing wrong with how he dresses

EmeraldShamrock000 · 02/02/2026 20:36

His sister was correct. Leave him alone. If it bothers you then leave him.

SlightlyTerrifiedButPolite · 02/02/2026 20:39

This made me sad OP. It’s one thing if he just can’t put together an outfit, but it sounds like he really identifies with the way he dresses (a bit of a rocker) so by trying to change it you’re actually curbing his self-expression. I suspect that’s why his sister snapped at you. It’s his signature look, part of who he is. And it’s a part of his past that he happily looks back on, you really want to edit that out of him?

So you don’t like how the “rocker” dresses, but I bet there are parts of his personality where this shows up which you do like. Focus on those and appreciate that it’s a package deal with the t-shirts. You can’t just pick the good bits.

lessglittermoremud · 02/02/2026 20:43

If this was a woman posting about her DH’s constant remarks about her choice of clothes and how he preferred her to look, there would be outrage and people would be advising her to look closely at the relationship.
Regardless of how you are phrasing it, you’re criticising your DH’s appearance, I assume he has always worn the same so you are being totally unreasonable, why do you get to pick how he expresses himself?!
For his Sister to notice it on an infrequent visit means you are over stepping…. Your DH is not a child for you to mould into something/how you prefer…

IamnotSethRogan · 02/02/2026 20:44

Limmies · 31/01/2026 23:26

Why are we suddenly acting like it isn’t a common trope that women have a say in what their husbands wear?

I have never had a say in what my DH wears. Tbf if sounds like I dress like your DH and my DH dresses how you want your DH to.

DH likes how I dress even though it's not at all his style.

iseeu · 02/02/2026 20:55

Limmies · 31/01/2026 22:43

I’m 31. Recently married my slightly older partner (47).

I absolutely despise the way he dresses. He wears scrubs for work so that’s fine. But he sees himself as a bit of a rocker. Was in a band back in the day. So wears a lot of band tees, leather jackets (ugly ones), boots, plaid t shirts etc.

I just hate it. It honestly looks a bit silly and man childesque. I make an effort with my appearance.

I have bought dh so many clothes and do give him suggestions on nights out. His older his sister came to stay and really put me in my place. Telling me to “leave him alone”. I don’t mind the tees at home but when he’s out I think I’d like him to take a bit of inspiration from the likes of David Beckham which is what I prefer the look of. Some nice knitwear and some smart-casual trousers.

When I say he looks like a man child I’m not joking. I’m genuinely trying to help.

Or am I being a controlling wife?

I think it is okay to give men advice if they want it. And some do, ime. But giving advice to another adult, man or woman, an adult who dresses the way they want to, telling them they dress all wrong, I think is tantamount to telling them you don't respect them for who they are. Especially if they haven't asked for your advice. Even more so if they are your partner.

Did you start doing this before the marriage? Because if not, it might be hurtful that you waited until after marriage to say you didn't like it.

How would you feel if he told you how to dress?

JJWT · 02/02/2026 21:00

The difference in age is more than half of your entire life so far. That is not "slightly".

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 02/02/2026 21:02

I have a lot of men like this over years who are stuck on the wannabe rock/ film star mode and usually really fancy them selves to hilt.They dress as the fantasy

A bit sad really.

However you did marry him after all.

As for David Beckham.Dear Me

He probably has an army of stylists and dressers who advice him on what to wear to grab publicity. Plus he is married to Lady Vic. Enough said.

If your husband is really bugging you. Stop moaning Dump him and find someone else.

iseeu · 02/02/2026 21:02

snowmichael · 01/02/2026 10:19

Reverse this
How would you feel if he bought you grunge t-shirts, ripped jeans, weathered leather jackets, and expected you to be grateful and to wear them?

^ funny and a jolly good point!

Ace56 · 02/02/2026 21:03

Not the point of the thread, but YABU to call someone 16 years older than you ‘slightly older.’ He could be your dad LOL

Aghhhhhhhhhh · 02/02/2026 21:12

Yes you are being controlling.
He probably should of found an Alt woman to spend his life with since hes clearly Alternative.

Hes happy with how HE dresses, imagine if he kept on at you to dress more like like him.

You'd be the first to scream control if he tried to tell you what to wear. This is absolutely no different. Leave the man alone before you end up divorced

Aghhhhhhhhhh · 02/02/2026 21:16

Also no OP women do not tell their man what to wear anymore either.

As for not liking his tattoos, why marry him? If you dont like anything about him? Poor bloke

LoyalMember · 02/02/2026 21:17

You're, and I'm sorry for this, being an absolute arsehole.

I did say sorry....

Bookaholicwithwine · 02/02/2026 21:30

Why should he ? Presumably he dressed this way before they married . If it was a reverse a man telling a woman to dress how he wanted instead of how they liked they’d get so roasted !

Alip1965 · 02/02/2026 21:36

How shallow are you for even posting this. You are controlling. Rude and insensitive. You shouldn't of married him if hes that bad